Signs your child is on the verge of being "Counseled Out" top private

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It is a private school. They are selective. It is not public school.

True. But I looked here:

http://www.sidwell.edu/about_sfs/school-philosophy/index.aspx
http://www.gds.org/podium/default.aspx?t=123451
http://www.stalbansschool.org/page.aspx?pid=710
http://www.ncs.cathedral.org/podium/default.aspx?t=129663
http://www.sheridanschool.org/about/mission
http://www.maret.org/about_us/mission/index.aspx

and nowhere did I see "This purpose of this school is to provide, to the children of parents who pay us a lot of money, an education that is free from disruption by the children of other parents who pay us a lot of money".

I also did not see the school spell out CLEARLY on their website that constant hitting of another child, or beating them up with a stick, or breaking a few bones, were grounds to have them counseled out. So I guess that goes, too! (your post is quite nearly the least good one around here)

[Anonymous]

I had a child who was counseled out of a boarding school. I did not blame the school at all- he had many issues and they had done a lot for him, but he was a bad influence on the other children. At the schools he had been at before he was also disruptive and I was a very big donor to the annual fund and a big volunteer, just hoping always that they would let him stay and benefit from the other people there. He was lucky to get in anywhere and I donated alot of money and I dont resent the schools at all- I am grateful for everything they were able to teach him. Teachers work so hard

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had a child who was counseled out of a boarding school. I did not blame the school at all- he had many issues and they had done a lot for him, but he was a bad influence on the other children. At the schools he had been at before he was also disruptive and I was a very big donor to the annual fund and a big volunteer, just hoping always that they would let him stay and benefit from the other people there. He was lucky to get in anywhere and I donated alot of money and I dont resent the schools at all- I am grateful for everything they were able to teach him. Teachers work so hard

Not many parents would admit their child is disruptive and a poor influence on other childre. I admire your attempts to find him a good fit and not hold it against the schools that were unable to provide a good fit. I have seen parents not only blame it on the teachers but the other children as well when their child is the sole problem.

Your son is lucky to have you for a mother who tried every possible way to give her child a good education, and smart enough to understand when and why he had to be counseled out. Kudos to you.

[Anonymous]

There is a child at my child's private school who repeatedly physically attacked other students and teachers in her first year at the school. This behavior included using her fists to beat on others, kicking , shoving, throwing large objects at others, and more. The child in question was allowed to stay at the school.

Many parents are upset and angry, confused and shocked, that this child was allowed to remain for a second year. Many of her peers are also very confused and shocked that she did not seem to get in much trouble for her behavior other than being "talked to" and sent to the school counselor.

Frankly, I think there should be a two strikes (first time suspension and counseling, second time expulsion) and you are out policy for physical attacks of any kind on another person. My child doesn't feel safe around this other kid, none of the other kids do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know someone who had other children at STA, but had one son counseled out. There were many signs that the school wasn't for the child--it was for his parents. I think he's happy with his new school. The school was very direct and let the family know they needed to make a change.

By 4th grade parents should know the path their child is on academically shouldn't they? If the signs are there in 6th wouldn't they have been there in 4th? Isn't the rule of thumb if your child is not above grade level or at definitely at grade level in every subject, they are not suited for these types of rigorous schools? I am confused why a patent would push their child to attend a school that they may struggle in. Middle school is not an easy time to transfer. If you are saying parents like this know but choose the school for themselves, that makes me sad for the child. I am surprised though that rugorous schools would admit children that are not reading and at math at or above grade level??

The cake is by no means cooked by 4th grade. My DD was an OK student in elementary, not behind but by no means an A student or star. Then something kicked in for high school and her grades shot up and she started doing some amazing stuff and getting straight As at a Big 3. I've seen other kids do this as well. And i agree with the others that this isn't about academics necessarily. Finally, you can transfer any time. My DS did in 11th grade and it was the right decision. he blossomed in his new school and got into a terrific college. he was really miserable at his old school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There is a child at my child's private school who repeatedly physically attacked other students and teachers in her first year at the school. This behavior included using her fists to beat on others, kicking , shoving, throwing large objects at others, and more. The child in question was allowed to stay at the school.

Many parents are upset and angry, confused and shocked, that this child was allowed to remain for a second year. Many of her peers are also very confused and shocked that she did not seem to get in much trouble for her behavior other than being "talked to" and sent to the school counselor.

Frankly, I think there should be a two strikes (first time suspension and counseling, second time expulsion) and you are out policy for physical attacks of any kind on another person. My child doesn't feel safe around this other kid, none of the other kids do.

If you don't like the school's handling (or non-handling), withdraw. It's a private school. You gave up 100% of your rights when you cut the check.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:There is a child at my child's private school who repeatedly physically attacked other students and teachers in her first year at the school. This behavior included using her fists to beat on others, kicking , shoving, throwing large objects at others, and more. The child in question was allowed to stay at the school.

Many parents are upset and angry, confused and shocked, that this child was allowed to remain for a second year. Many of her peers are also very confused and shocked that she did not seem to get in much trouble for her behavior other than being "talked to" and sent to the school counselor.

Frankly, I think there should be a two strikes (first time suspension and counseling, second time expulsion) and you are out policy for physical attacks of any kind on another person. My child doesn't feel safe around this other kid, none of the other kids do.

If you don't like the school's handling (or non-handling), withdraw. It's a private school. You gave up 100% of your rights when you cut the check.

Or, speak with the administration about the problem, and ask others who are concerned to do the same. One doesn't give up any rights by paying a tuition check. I have found our kids' school to be very responsive to considering parents' concerned. There are times when schools, like any organizations, make mistakes. Let them know your thoughts respectfully and see how it goes.

[Anonymous]

There was a kid who was nothing but trouble from day one who was counseled out after 6 years. This kid and parent(s) were given an incredible opportunity and almost total financial assistance. Why it took six years is beyond me but while the kid grew out of the verbal bullying phase, academically this kid never made the grade and never grasped, alomg with the parent(s), the importance of academics.

The kid was heartbroken and embarrassed when other kids found out about being counseled out but s[he] grew up too late and the school had had enough. To this day, I will never understand while this child was allowed to stay when there were so many other kids and families who would have relished that coveted seat.

[Anonymous]

One child from my DC's K class last year was held back, and the parents sent him to a different school. He was disruptive.

[Anonymous]

Do a search on DCUM. There was a VERY good thread about this last year.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One child from my DC's K class last year was held back, and the parents sent him to a different school. He was disruptive.

I've seen this. When they want to get rid of a child, one of the classic techniques used by the administration is they recommend to the parent to hold the child back. Children who are held back (except K) generally don't last at our school.

[Anonymous]

I realize this is an old thread, but there are so many interesting comments about this, I thought I'd add my experience:
Six weeks into starting at a highly, highly regarded private school, my first grader began the process of being counseled out. She has SPD but is in no way disruptive or mean. She has been bullied all year. (Called "Slowy," told by another student that if she didn't do he asked, the teacher would spank her--one day she told me the boys used her face as a target to kick a ball into).
Funny, the kids that bullied my daughter are all being asked back.
I disagree with the notion that you give up 100% of your rights when you write a tuition check. Kids do have rights, even in private school. Title III of the ADA protects disabled kids in all but parochial schools. The disabilities include ADHD, SPD, learning differences, etc. KNOW YOUR RIGHTS! Most parents just move on, but how will that change anything? These people are getting paid enough money, they should be a little more invested in their students. Can my daughter be replaced with an easier kid without a disability? Of course! In a heart beat. But it's wrong. I'd think a school administration, which serves as a role model for kids, should know this!
Of course I don't want my daughter to continue at the school, and I don't want to sue, because I'm not after money, but I am thinking of...reporting them to the Office of Civil Rights at the Department of Justice (they enforce the ADA).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

You joke. But if there's one thing I expect my 30K per year to buy, it is a classroom free of constant disruptions from uncontrollable others.

whose parents are also paying $30,000 per year.

But, they're outnumbered 16 to 1

You are mistaken. There are plenty of dopey kids who exhibit mild to severe antisocial behaviors. What it really comes down to is popularity. What it comes down to is the behaviors of a popular child might be considered mischievous, but endearly, while for another child those same behaviors which may even be a mimic of those of a popular child, will be considered antisocial and intolerable.

Sometimes that difference comes down to the parents. The child I know who was asked not to return was definitely an attention-hog and disruptive in the classroom. But the clincher was that his parents were total PITAs, both before and after the hints and then insistence that it was time for DS to move on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I realize this is an old thread, but there are so many interesting comments about this, I thought I'd add my experience:
Six weeks into starting at a highly, highly regarded private school, my first grader began the process of being counseled out. She has SPD but is in no way disruptive or mean. She has been bullied all year. (Called "Slowy," told by another student that if she didn't do he asked, the teacher would spank her--one day she told me the boys used her face as a target to kick a ball into).
Funny, the kids that bullied my daughter are all being asked back.
I disagree with the notion that you give up 100% of your rights when you write a tuition check. Kids do have rights, even in private school. Title III of the ADA protects disabled kids in all but parochial schools. The disabilities include ADHD, SPD, learning differences, etc. KNOW YOUR RIGHTS! Most parents just move on, but how will that change anything? These people are getting paid enough money, they should be a little more invested in their students. Can my daughter be replaced with an easier kid without a disability? Of course! In a heart beat. But it's wrong. I'd think a school administration, which serves as a role model for kids, should know this!
Of course I don't want my daughter to continue at the school, and I don't want to sue, because I'm not after money, but I am thinking of...reporting them to the Office of Civil Rights at the Department of Justice (they enforce the ADA).

I'm very sorry about your child being bullied and picked on but SPD is not a medical diagnosis and therefore not recognized by even public schools as a disability.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I realize this is an old thread, but there are so many interesting comments about this, I thought I'd add my experience:
Six weeks into starting at a highly, highly regarded private school, my first grader began the process of being counseled out. She has SPD but is in no way disruptive or mean. She has been bullied all year. (Called "Slowy," told by another student that if she didn't do he asked, the teacher would spank her--one day she told me the boys used her face as a target to kick a ball into).
Funny, the kids that bullied my daughter are all being asked back.
I disagree with the notion that you give up 100% of your rights when you write a tuition check. Kids do have rights, even in private school. Title III of the ADA protects disabled kids in all but parochial schools. The disabilities include ADHD, SPD, learning differences, etc. KNOW YOUR RIGHTS! Most parents just move on, but how will that change anything? These people are getting paid enough money, they should be a little more invested in their students. Can my daughter be replaced with an easier kid without a disability? Of course! In a heart beat. But it's wrong. I'd think a school administration, which serves as a role model for kids, should know this!
Of course I don't want my daughter to continue at the school, and I don't want to sue, because I'm not after money, but I am thinking of...reporting them to the Office of Civil Rights at the Department of Justice (they enforce the ADA).

I'm very sorry about your child being bullied and picked on but SPD is not a medical diagnosis and therefore not recognized by even public schools as a disability.

+1

Did you disclose your DD's diagnosis when you applied? If yes, and they admitted her (as opposed to denying all kids with SPD admission) but were unable to meet her needs, you are out of luck. If no, then you really don;t have any rights if you kept it hidden from them. I highly doubt the ADA requires all private schools to be all things to all kids. If a school can't meet a child's needs, then the best thing for that child is to leave. It does sound like a bad situation but its really ridiculous to think the Justice Department will do anything about it. PLus SPD isn;t a medical diagnosis.