What to think of families who never reciprocate playdates?

[Anonymous]

I rarely host playdates. Our house is neat, but it's very small. We also have a large dog who is very sweet, but she can (and has been) off putting to a couple of parents and their kids. The dog is the primary reason I don't host playdates. Yes, I could bring the dog to a doggy day care, but it's not really feasible for us to always do this.

I try and show my appreciation for the playdates we're invited to by bringing something as a snack for the playdate and thanking the host.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:One of the reasons I do not love play dates is the "house tour" or the "hide and seek" activity. It means that the play date kid is poking around into every nook and cranny of your home. So that is way too much work.

I can't stand the boring mothers. Your kid is great, but you are a bragging shrew. No wonder your husband works "long hours" and is never around.

How does this relate?

[Anonymous]

Agree with PP. I think it's actually easier to host. Kid just shows up, they play, they leave. Maybe you serve a snack. Last play date I invited a girl over and her mom actually requested it at their home so she didn't have to bring the 2yo along.

Ive always just thought of playdates as casual playtime that involves a drive. No need for anything elaborate!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PP. I think it's actually easier to host. Kid just shows up, they play, they leave. Maybe you serve a snack. Last play date I invited a girl over and her mom actually requested it at their home so she didn't have to bring the 2yo along.

Ive always just thought of playdates as casual playtime that involves a drive. No need for anything elaborate!

Whoops, realized pp wasn't whom I thought. I mean, I agree that I could care less who's hosting and who's driving. I think it's pretty equal and does not create an obligation.

Also, my daughter requests who she wants to have over. I'd never insist on a particular playdate just to reciprocate. She has four or five good friends at school. We can generally manage a playdate every other weekend,so it takes a few months to see everyone even once.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have elementary aged kids and there are always parents like that, OP. It sucks and is tiresome.

Actually, I am wondering about all of the social deficiencies that might contribute to this. Maybe its another thread, but no one has studied this?

I don't understand why no one would find playdates important. It is a crucial part of being a human being. Hell, they even have dog parks for dog socialization. You know, so they don't act like...well, animals.

People who think they will be successful in their world, in their own shell, only amongst their own, are sorely mistaken. Socialization is crucial, there is absolutely no getting around it.

DH and I never had playdates. Our four children have never had playdates. Our two oldest, 9 and 7, go to school. Our youngest two, 4 and 2, go to the park with their nanny five days a week.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PP. I think it's actually easier to host. Kid just shows up, they play, they leave. Maybe you serve a snack. Last play date I invited a girl over and her mom actually requested it at their home so she didn't have to bring the 2yo along.

Ive always just thought of playdates as casual playtime that involves a drive. No need for anything elaborate!

Whoops, realized pp wasn't whom I thought. I mean, I agree that I could care less who's hosting and who's driving. I think it's pretty equal and does not create an obligation.

Also, my daughter requests who she wants to have over. I'd never insist on a particular playdate just to reciprocate. She has four or five good friends at school. We can generally manage a playdate every other weekend,so it takes a few months to see everyone even once.

You sound nasty. I host playdates and make sure I host every girl throughout the course of the year. Why? Because I encourage my dd to play with everyone and I see how it's easier for some girls to mix. My daughter is outgoing/popular so she would be fine with her little group but that is not the right way to go and I am raising her to be nice. We go to a private school and have wealth and I notice the parents who just stick in their little snobby group. I don't want my dd to grow up like that so she is encouraged to play with everyone. I have also noticed a lot of nice friendships develop that might not otherwise due to life circumstance. I will also add that I am not offended if a playdate isn't reciprocated--I get that some people may feel funny about their home or work so much that their time off is precious. As long as people are nice we are good.

[Anonymous]

When people don't reciprocate, sometimes it means that they aren't interested in pursuing the friendship for their kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have elementary aged kids and there are always parents like that, OP. It sucks and is tiresome.

Actually, I am wondering about all of the social deficiencies that might contribute to this. Maybe its another thread, but no one has studied this?

I don't understand why no one would find playdates important. It is a crucial part of being a human being. Hell, they even have dog parks for dog socialization. You know, so they don't act like...well, animals.

People who think they will be successful in their world, in their own shell, only amongst their own, are sorely mistaken. Socialization is crucial, there is absolutely no getting around it.

DH and I never had playdates. Our four children have never had playdates. Our two oldest, 9 and 7, go to school. Our youngest two, 4 and 2, go to the park with their nanny five days a week.

Are you super religious or something?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We have elementary aged kids and there are always parents like that, OP. It sucks and is tiresome.

Actually, I am wondering about all of the social deficiencies that might contribute to this. Maybe its another thread, but no one has studied this?

I don't understand why no one would find playdates important. It is a crucial part of being a human being. Hell, they even have dog parks for dog socialization. You know, so they don't act like...well, animals.

People who think they will be successful in their world, in their own shell, only amongst their own, are sorely mistaken. Socialization is crucial, there is absolutely no getting around it.

Sure, but have you considered that, in larger families, you learn all of the things you mentioned within one's own family? You do not necessarily have to artificially construct a playdate to do this. You sound like maybe you only have 1-2 children? Playdates are not the one and only way one can learn socialization! What a modern, narrow, point of view! !

[Anonymous]

Aside from the house embarrassment, some people have WAH spouses. It's very difficult to host a play date during working hours if the other parent is trying to work in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PP. I think it's actually easier to host. Kid just shows up, they play, they leave. Maybe you serve a snack. Last play date I invited a girl over and her mom actually requested it at their home so she didn't have to bring the 2yo along.

Ive always just thought of playdates as casual playtime that involves a drive. No need for anything elaborate!

Whoops, realized pp wasn't whom I thought. I mean, I agree that I could care less who's hosting and who's driving. I think it's pretty equal and does not create an obligation.

Also, my daughter requests who she wants to have over. I'd never insist on a particular playdate just to reciprocate. She has four or five good friends at school. We can generally manage a playdate every other weekend,so it takes a few months to see everyone even once.

You sound nasty. I host playdates and make sure I host every girl throughout the course of the year. Why? Because I encourage my dd to play with everyone and I see how it's easier for some girls to mix. My daughter is outgoing/popular so she would be fine with her little group but that is not the right way to go and I am raising her to be nice. We go to a private school and have wealth and I notice the parents who just stick in their little snobby group. I don't want my dd to grow up like that so she is encouraged to play with everyone. I have also noticed a lot of nice friendships develop that might not otherwise due to life circumstance. I will also add that I am not offended if a playdate isn't reciprocated--I get that some people may feel funny about their home or work so much that their time off is precious. As long as people are nice we are good.

You sound nuts. We both work and can host/attend 1-2 play date a month. Sorry, I'm not go to helicopter my daughters play dates. I have no idea of the household income of her friends. Glad you are encouraging your daughter to play with those not as "wealthy and popular" as she is. Maybe if you paid less attention to those things she'll have a chance to grow up nicer than her mom.

[Anonymous]

We do host playdates with a few families whose company I enjoy and whose kids play well with my kids. If I don't want them to come over to my house, I suggest meeting up at the playground or at a jumping place or gym etc.
It signals that I'm interested in having our kids play together but don't have the time to clean up my house or if DH is doing a home improvement project.

I personally find playdates appealing because it gives my kids social interaction that they enjoy and gives me some much needed adult conversation.

[Anonymous]

I decline playdates frequently because I know I will never have time to reciprocate.

I have two very outgoing children that seem to get invited to a different kid's house almost everyday. That is a lot of different playdates to reciprocate. If they had just one or 2 kids they hung out with it would be easier.

I am fairly stressed about 2 kids I STILL haven't found time to have over in return. We have a lot of family in the area and a lot of friends and are social calendar is brimming. It's basically filled until Christmas.

After school is hard because we only have an hour before we are in the car to a practice and weekend days are filled with sports' games. The few hours leftover tend to be family time.

[Anonymous]

I have found this to be true in general for hosted events in this area, which is so far outside my realm of experience that I didn't know how to deal with it at first.

We host constantly. Before any of our friends had kids and now after as well. For every maybe 6 times we have someone over we get one invite back and often it is to go someplace else with the kids like a museum or the zoo. People always reach out to us to get together, but it nearly always ends up being at our house, which means all the work and most of the expense is on us. In our particular situation with the friends we see the most, I think it's generally a matter of living space. One family lives in an apartment which isn't fabulous space wise when you add our kid into the mix with their 2. Another family has a dog that doesn't seem to like people much. The 3rd doesn't have kids so their house isn't really set up to accommodate our 2 year old.

I keep hosting because I like to have people over, always have. I never had any qualms about hosting even when we lived in a 1 bedroom apartment and didn't have much spare space. But I get that others don't like to host or don't feel their space is appropriate or whatever. So now I just take people up on offers to bring things to ease up on the work/expense for us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Agree with PP. I think it's actually easier to host. Kid just shows up, they play, they leave. Maybe you serve a snack. Last play date I invited a girl over and her mom actually requested it at their home so she didn't have to bring the 2yo along.

Ive always just thought of playdates as casual playtime that involves a drive. No need for anything elaborate!

Whoops, realized pp wasn't whom I thought. I mean, I agree that I could care less who's hosting and who's driving. I think it's pretty equal and does not create an obligation.

Also, my daughter requests who she wants to have over. I'd never insist on a particular playdate just to reciprocate. She has four or five good friends at school. We can generally manage a playdate every other weekend,so it takes a few months to see everyone even once.

You sound nasty. I host playdates and make sure I host every girl throughout the course of the year. Why? Because I encourage my dd to play with everyone and I see how it's easier for some girls to mix. My daughter is outgoing/popular so she would be fine with her little group but that is not the right way to go and I am raising her to be nice. We go to a private school and have wealth and I notice the parents who just stick in their little snobby group. I don't want my dd to grow up like that so she is encouraged to play with everyone. I have also noticed a lot of nice friendships develop that might not otherwise due to life circumstance. I will also add that I am not offended if a playdate isn't reciprocated--I get that some people may feel funny about their home or work so much that their time off is precious. As long as people are nice we are good.

You sound nuts. We both work and can host/attend 1-2 play date a month. Sorry, I'm not go to helicopter my daughters play dates. I have no idea of the household income of her friends. Glad you are encouraging your daughter to play with those not as "wealthy and popular" as she is. Maybe if you paid less attention to those things she'll have a chance to grow up nicer than her mom.

Sorry you are mean..own it. Work has nothing to do with encouraging your child to play with everyone. I do pay attention..that's why I am a good mom, I don't live in a bubble and I am not going to pretend that I don't know which areas are clearly not wealthy. The address list is sent out in the beggining of each year. I am also present enough to see which girls are a bit shy (this is not a socio economic thing) , might have a little social awkwardness..and I make a point to talk to my child about looking out for everyone..I am raising a child to be a good person longterm. I don't care about winning a popularity context. If I rubbed pp the wrong way it's because she knows that she is self involved..there is too much of this. I worry for our future if everyone continues to just say "well my kid is happy whatever on the rest"--bad idea.