What to think of families who never reciprocate playdates?
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Anonymous
I think some posters are talking about drop-off playdates while others are referring to playdates with younger kids when another parent stays. There is a big difference between the two scenarios. |
Anonymous
This. We would happily host a drop-off playdate, but my DS's class isn't quite there yet. Our townhouse is too small for two REALLY active 4 year olds, me, and another parent or two, plus the possibility of my DH and baby, if he didn't take her out somewhere. And, our house is in a complex built into a hill with parking lots, so there is nowhere to play outside. I think the pre-k class might transition to drop-off playdates this year, and I will definitely host then, but I will actually miss socializing with some of the other parents. I love birthday parties for this (I know, a lot of people will think I'm crazy). |
Anonymous
Okay. Off to bed right now, young lady. |
Anonymous
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I'm guilty of not reciprocating. It's because I moved into a new house and haven't had time to make it presentable for company. There's space for my toddler to play but nowhere I'd feel comfortable inviting another kid. With a newborn, realistically, it's not going to change for a while.
So basically... it's me, not you. But I really appreciate your invites and hope I'm expressing that adequately! |
Anonymous
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We have 3 kids. We rarely do structured, scheduled playdates, unless it is with the oldest, or unless the younger ones are asking for someone specific. When the younger kids have someone over for a formal "playdate" it is a special occasion for them.
But usually, the kids are just running around with the neighbor kids. The younger ones don't usually ask to have someone over because they are having a blast playing football in the street with the big kids or running around playing tag with the neighbors. We prefer very informal and spontaneous play. It works best with our busy lifestyle and older kids hectic schedules. |
Anonymous
Sorry, I don't host any playdates. Frankly, I just don't have the time. I am a single working mom with 2 kids. The kids' dad is stationed overseas so he can't host either unless you are willing to go to Okinawa By the time I get my kids from SACC, drive home, dinner, help with homework - we are all pooped. And my weekends are no better - soccer practice and piano lessons.
Overall, a lot of kids have an active social life while in school, so yes, I do find separate playdate sessions to be irrelevant. |
Anonymous
| Another mom here who works outside the home, has a dog that barks incessantly at people who come over, and who feels like her house is the only one among her kids' friends that isn't equipped with a media room, trampoline, swimming pool, basketball court, backyard zipline and rockwall. I'm a terrible cook/hostess, and it's all I can do to keep the house clean/picked up and the family fed without introducing guests to the mix. I know I should trust that our true friends don't care about any of this, but I guess I'm just self-conscious, and honestly having friends over stresses me out. I too try to host outings to restaurants/ice cream or the pool in lieu of hosting at our house, but I always feel like I'm behind in reciprocating. |
Anonymous
| They're house is messy or small. They don't like the hassle of hosting, other family members live with them, medical problems...as long as they reciprocate somehow, maybe bring food or wine, that's good enough. |
Anonymous
| Elementary school child. We constantly invite for play dates at our house or neutral territory, generally the invitations are accepted but not always. A few have invited us first or reciprocate. Its tiresome, my home isn't that great in many obvious ways, but hey, its our home, its sorta clean and definitely safe. Toys, art, kid stuff is everywhere. I don't take it personally. A few that DC has invited who did not accept or reciprocate were parents I wasn't so thrilled about, so it has worked out. |
Anonymous
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OK, I admit it, I have not reciprocated when:
1. My child had a horrible time and doesn't want the kid over. I don't buy into the whole "everyone needs to be friends." 2. I admit it, its fallen off my radar. The first playdate falls right before a super busy time (holidays, family crap), and I mean to reciprocate, but forget and then months later think "Oh crap, we never had Sam over." I have had other families not reciprocate. I don't mind at all. I know they are busy. I know playdates on the right days can be great, but on the wrong day are major PITAs - where you have to schedule your entire day around 1.5 hours. If the kids had fun, I just invite the same kid over again. I don't worry about keeping score. The only thing that bothers me is when one of the parents constantly tells my son they will have him over soon, and then never do. |
Anonymous
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When you live in a sprawling, gorgeous house that was professionally decorated and while I'm not embarrassed of my tiny apartment with its old but clean and functioning kitchen, it's just awkward for me. I know I have to get over it and I have other people over but some may be intimidated to have you over. They don't want you to think less of them or be your charity case.
If someone is bringing you dinner in exchange for play dates, read between the lines there!!! |
Anonymous
| We are out of bounds at our elem school where approx 90% of the families live in-boundary. The drive home after school is about 20-25 minutes so play dates at our house on school days aren't logistically convenient. We host play dates on weekends and Fridays instead. it's still not easy. I find that people don't want to be bothered to travel that far when they can easily schedule play dates in their own neighborhood. Luckily, there are tons of neighborhood kids on our street too. They all grew up together and attend school at various privates, charters, OOB. My kids still get invited to play dates by school friends at their homes, but its definitely just a few close friends. |
Anonymous
| I 'host' playdates but only at parks or other public areas because I am embarassed/ashamed of our house that screams how poor we are. I know I need to get over it but am afraid other parents will be horrified by our crumbling ceiling and will want nothing more to do with us. |
Anonymous
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We have a 3 yo child and live in a 1 br. I don't enjoy hosting playdates; however, I make an effort and ALWAYS reciprocate. I try to do it after the first play date at someone else's house; then I feel it is fine to accept several times in a row before reciprocating again.
I do feel self conscious, but I know my limits so I don't have a huge house that is a pain to clean, I don't have dogs incompatible with kids, I don't have more kids than I can manage, so it is doable. I don't think bringing food is equal to reciprocating. |
Anonymous
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OP, I am in the same situation.
And to the last PP, I think hosting in the park or playground is fine, just to say come and play in the park is ok, and it is not so difficult. I understand some people have issues, ranging from messy house to illnesses or special needs siblings. But I hosted quite a few playdates last school year and only 2 people reciprocated only one time. My house is not intimidating to them or anything like that. I just don't get it. No, I don't invite to then get invited back but, my son really would like to have some company of his age sometimes and to get invited. And no, he is not hyperactive or difficult or a trouble maker, he is quite shy, sporty, happy to go along etc. So I don't get it. I am still wondering how come three months of summer went by and nobody ever suggested a playdate. Not even one. They all live within 3 miles. |