What to think of families who never reciprocate playdates?

[Anonymous]

We know a family like this. It isn't their living arrangements...been to the house for a kida's bday party and picked up a kid from their house numerous times. The mom also drops in conversation, "we had a playdate at our house last week..." All the time. I know it isn't me or my kid b/c we offer and she accepts for me to have her kid on a play date typically 1-2 times/month. Bugs the crap out of me that not once has she ever invited my kid over...

[Anonymous]

As long as the kids are friends, they mostly play well together and the parents want the friendship to continue I am happy to host any and all playdates. I hate the idea of ever asking anyone if he/she has guns in the home and sometimes I like it because I don't have to impose on someone's nanny sending my kid over there. Now if I couldn't figure out if the kid and/or family were into the friendship then I might just wait for them to reciprocate or make some gesture suggesting the friendship is mutual.

[Anonymous]

We have elementary aged kids and there are always parents like that, OP. It sucks and is tiresome.

Actually, I am wondering about all of the social deficiencies that might contribute to this. Maybe its another thread, but no one has studied this?

I don't understand why no one would find playdates important. It is a crucial part of being a human being. Hell, they even have dog parks for dog socialization. You know, so they don't act like...well, animals.

People who think they will be successful in their world, in their own shell, only amongst their own, are sorely mistaken. Socialization is crucial, there is absolutely no getting around it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do I think? I think they have issues that they aren't willing to share.

If they are gracious and reciprocate in other ways (help clean up, bring cookies or coffee) and are good company, I don't care and am glad I don't have to worry about whatever is keeping them from inviting us to their place.

OP here. Our guests seem to always bring something even if I insist that they don't need to.

We have one friend in particular who we enjoy a lot but they have been to our home about 10x and never invited us over. They have bought us dinner to our home though. The mom did mention that their house is a mess and I don't know what messy is when I once apologized that our house was a mess. We do have housekeeping help. I would never care if someone's home was messy or small or whatever.

She is a closet hoarder?

[Anonymous]

Law enforcement. Guns in the house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You might not care, but they obviously do.

I feel the same way. Our house is smaller than everyone we know, and its usually a hot mess since I work FT and we don't have a cleaning service (unless you count me and what I attempt to do on Sunday afternoons). But, we still have kids over to play (my kids are school aged so parents don't stay). We don't, however, host friends for dinner, etc. Our house is too small, too messy, and quite frankly I don't like the stress of hosting. We happily go over to other people's homes and offer to bring food, drinks, etc.

We must live in the same house!

I will also add that I am not a big fan of having other kids over. My own kids play beautifully together and I really value the time that they get to play and be siblings. Adding another kid to the mix just throws things off. Truth is, we do have kids over especially now that everyone is a little older but I really prefer the kids who also enjoy including my other kids.
I also much prefer to bring everyone to a playground, neutral territory, time and space to be free and run around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have elementary aged kids and there are always parents like that, OP. It sucks and is tiresome.

Actually, I am wondering about all of the social deficiencies that might contribute to this. Maybe its another thread, but no one has studied this?

I don't understand why no one would find playdates important. It is a crucial part of being a human being. Hell, they even have dog parks for dog socialization. You know, so they don't act like...well, animals.

People who think they will be successful in their world, in their own shell, only amongst their own, are sorely mistaken. Socialization is crucial, there is absolutely no getting around it.

DD socializes in aftercare 5 days a week and on the weekend with relatives. You aren't very bright. Are you a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Lots of people just don't seem into hosting. We have tons of play dates and BBQs and parties and people always come and have a great time but nobody really does the same at their house. I figure some people like to host but most just don't want to bother with the time, effort or expense. So I love it when we get invited to an event at someone's house but don't take it personally that it doesn't happen very often.

[Anonymous]

I am terrible about playdates. 2 FT working parents with long commutes/two kids/activities. I know some people manage it all but somehow the whole week goes by and I have not managed to get an invite out. My kids also play very well together so it is not like anyone really asks for friends much. I apologize!

[Anonymous]

I know a family with a baby and a SAHD. The SAHD is always with the baby, which is fine, but I have usually seen a SAH parent (or even two working parents) who are more than capable of handling more than one child - of their own!

It is baffling, OP. Some people are really one sided.

[Anonymous]

I am a mother who NEVER hosts play dates, so maybe I can give you some insight into why.

We live with my MIL. Where we live is HER home, not ours. The home is 3/4 of a construction project, the hallways are littered with things from her room that have spilled out (because she is a hoarder), there is one bathroom which is VERY old, the kitchen has cabinets sitting on the floor.... I could go on and on. And on, but you get the idea.

Point is, maybe the reason other people don't host playdates is because they do not want to share where they live. No one would ever know that my children, husband and me live in a house like the one we live in... I think we come off as very "together." We'll be moving out very soon, as this was a "transition" place for us, but it is certainly not the place I would want host a playdate or anything more.

When we are invited on playdate, I am always sure to bring snacks for the children (usually fresh fruit and crackers). We've been to one person's home THREE times, and she hasn't invited us back, I'm thinking because I have not extended an invitation.... and I'm not comfortable saying why.

[Anonymous]

Our house is always a mess. I'm always tired, running around trying to get my shit together for tomorrow, our dog doesn't do great with new people who aren't familiar with dogs (in-your-face-friendly, not aggressive), our basement smells like cat because he's old and there's not much I can do, and it's too much work to get it all together more often than once every couple of months. We work full-time and at the present, can't afford housekeepers. So that's why WE didn't invite you over. Not sure why your other playdate friends haven't invited you. Maybe we could meet at the pool or the playground instead if it's wearing you down always hosting?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have a small house that is not great for guests. I prefer an outside place or activity so it is a change for the kids.

Guests? Plural? It's one freaking child. They'll play in your child's bedroom or watch TV or something.

[Anonymous]

We have a big dog that doesn't like new people. We typically only have play dates with kids who are filiar with him and comfortable around large dogs. I hate that it diminishes how many play dates we can have at our house and are always grateful for invites over to others houses. That said I do try to arrange play dates at the park near us.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We have elementary aged kids and there are always parents like that, OP. It sucks and is tiresome.

Actually, I am wondering about all of the social deficiencies that might contribute to this. Maybe its another thread, but no one has studied this?

I don't understand why no one would find playdates important. It is a crucial part of being a human being. Hell, they even have dog parks for dog socialization. You know, so they don't act like...well, animals.

People who think they will be successful in their world, in their own shell, only amongst their own, are sorely mistaken. Socialization is crucial, there is absolutely no getting around it.

Well, I nor my DH had "play dates" growing up. Yeah, we're old and not from either coasts. We played with kids in our neighborhood, think Wonder Years, as does our kid. "Play dates" are a pretty recent phenomena.