What to think of families who never reciprocate playdates?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What do I think? I think they have issues that they aren't willing to share.

If they are gracious and reciprocate in other ways (help clean up, bring cookies or coffee) and are good company, I don't care and am glad I don't have to worry about whatever is keeping them from inviting us to their place.

OP here. Our guests seem to always bring something even if I insist that they don't need to.

We have one friend in particular who we enjoy a lot but they have been to our home about 10x and never invited us over. They have bought us dinner to our home though. The mom did mention that their house is a mess and I don't know what messy is when I once apologized that our house was a mess. We do have housekeeping help. I would never care if someone's home was messy or small or whatever.

Sure, but from reading how judgmental a LOT Of people can be, you do understand why someone might be hesitant to invite other parents over if their house isn't immaculate?

[Anonymous]

I really don't understand the concept of a "playdate." I just played with kids at school or in the neighborhood. It seems strange that it's all so formal now.

[Anonymous]

If it bothers you, don't invite them over again.

I also invite over a lot, and I don't mind if people don't reciprocate. The situation used to be reversed. Honestly, I couldn't handle the stress of having people over. Also, there was no parking outside my condo due to our location across the street from the metro.

[Anonymous]

Are those of you worrying about playdates being reciprocated first time parents or are you talking about your first born?

If the friends are parents with older kids, they are likely not to do formal playdates anymore.

Those went out the window after the first one got into activities.

[Anonymous]

Yes you are. You are letting these people take full advantage of your generous hospitality and it is making you feel resentful inside.

Until they start inviting you over to their home, I would put a halt to any future invites.

People treat you the way you let them treat you OP.
These people are clueless and should know better.

[Anonymous]

god, I'm actually relieved to hear that so many others are stressed out by play dates.

I have social anxiety (disorder) and now that my son is in preschool I feel the absolute need to make friends with the other parents so that he can make friends, but its terrifying and overwhelming to me. Add in that we also do not have a nice house-we are in a townhouse and while its probably average in cleanliness and interior design, I am so damn self-conscious that its not what I want it to be.

Just having the kid over would be less overwhelming but at this age obviously you are hosting the parent, too. I am not good at small talk and I'm often so paralyzed by my obsessive worrying beforehand about what to serve for snack or what to say to the kids or what toys to have out...

My son has some developmental delays too and it can be uncomfortable as I don't know how much to share and I'm never sure how he'll react/interact.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:god, I'm actually relieved to hear that so many others are stressed out by play dates.

I have social anxiety (disorder) and now that my son is in preschool I feel the absolute need to make friends with the other parents so that he can make friends, but its terrifying and overwhelming to me. Add in that we also do not have a nice house-we are in a townhouse and while its probably average in cleanliness and interior design, I am so damn self-conscious that its not what I want it to be.

Just having the kid over would be less overwhelming but at this age obviously you are hosting the parent, too. I am not good at small talk and I'm often so paralyzed by my obsessive worrying beforehand about what to serve for snack or what to say to the kids or what toys to have out...

My son has some developmental delays too and it can be uncomfortable as I don't know how much to share and I'm never sure how he'll react/interact.

People like this weird me out. You managed to mate, presumably get married, and have a child, but you can't manage a play date once in a while?
I don't love small talk, but I don't love playing trains, wiping poop, and getting up at night. It's parenting though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:god, I'm actually relieved to hear that so many others are stressed out by play dates.

I have social anxiety (disorder) and now that my son is in preschool I feel the absolute need to make friends with the other parents so that he can make friends, but its terrifying and overwhelming to me. Add in that we also do not have a nice house-we are in a townhouse and while its probably average in cleanliness and interior design, I am so damn self-conscious that its not what I want it to be.

Just having the kid over would be less overwhelming but at this age obviously you are hosting the parent, too. I am not good at small talk and I'm often so paralyzed by my obsessive worrying beforehand about what to serve for snack or what to say to the kids or what toys to have out...

My son has some developmental delays too and it can be uncomfortable as I don't know how much to share and I'm never sure how he'll react/interact.

People like this weird me out. You managed to mate, presumably get married, and have a child, but you can't manage a play date once in a while?
I don't love small talk, but I don't love playing trains, wiping poop, and getting up at night. It's parenting though.

Pp here.

I did not have the same issues when I got married--through college and through my 20's I was fine, if always a little shy. Trauma at 32 has shifted me into someone who weirds you out. I did have my child after this and frankly had hoped the social anxiety would have resolved or gotten better, as after all, you do have to be social when you have kid in a different way from how you are with work colleagues. Being with old friends is not a big deal, but meeting new people and growing those friendships is really really hard for me.

I'm not saying I've NEVER has another kid and parent over to my house but if we are keeping score I 'owe' a lot and really worry about how I'll navigate the introduction to preschool friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:god, I'm actually relieved to hear that so many others are stressed out by play dates.

I have social anxiety (disorder) and now that my son is in preschool I feel the absolute need to make friends with the other parents so that he can make friends, but its terrifying and overwhelming to me. Add in that we also do not have a nice house-we are in a townhouse and while its probably average in cleanliness and interior design, I am so damn self-conscious that its not what I want it to be.

Just having the kid over would be less overwhelming but at this age obviously you are hosting the parent, too. I am not good at small talk and I'm often so paralyzed by my obsessive worrying beforehand about what to serve for snack or what to say to the kids or what toys to have out...

My son has some developmental delays too and it can be uncomfortable as I don't know how much to share and I'm never sure how he'll react/interact.

People like this weird me out. You managed to mate, presumably get married, and have a child, but you can't manage a play date once in a while?
[/b]i don't love small talk, but I don't love playing trains, wiping poop, and getting up at night. It's parenting though[b].

There is a difference bt not liking something and not being able to handle if because of the anxiety/failed perfectionist obsessive stuff.

Btw if you just met me randomly you wouldn't see this part of me at all. I'm good (now) at initial first meetings. And I'm working on the house and not feeling 'good enough.'

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:god, I'm actually relieved to hear that so many others are stressed out by play dates.

I have social anxiety (disorder) and now that my son is in preschool I feel the absolute need to make friends with the other parents so that he can make friends, but its terrifying and overwhelming to me. Add in that we also do not have a nice house-we are in a townhouse and while its probably average in cleanliness and interior design, I am so damn self-conscious that its not what I want it to be.

Just having the kid over would be less overwhelming but at this age obviously you are hosting the parent, too. I am not good at small talk and I'm often so paralyzed by my obsessive worrying beforehand about what to serve for snack or what to say to the kids or what toys to have out...

My son has some developmental delays too and it can be uncomfortable as I don't know how much to share and I'm never sure how he'll react/interact.

People like this weird me out. You managed to mate, presumably get married, and have a child, but you can't manage a play date once in a while?
[/b]i don't love small talk, but I don't love playing trains, wiping poop, and getting up at night. It's parenting though[b].

There is a difference bt not liking something and not being able to handle if because of the anxiety/failed perfectionist obsessive stuff.

Btw if you just met me randomly you wouldn't see this part of me at all. I'm good (now) at initial first meetings. And I'm working on the house and not feeling 'good enough.'

Maybe it's time to get help then?
I say this as someone who worked through some issues with a therapist pre kid.

[Anonymous]

I'm one of the frequent-hosters and I feel bad for all of you who are holding yourselves back because of embarrassment over your house's size or interior or furnishings. Some of my friends have nicer houses than others but I promise you, I have never thought less of someone if their house isn't decorated perfectly. Mine probably isn't most people's taste but it's never stopped me from inviting people over, mostly because it never occurred to me that they would be so put off/offended by my home or decor that I should just not have them over! Life is so much more fun when you just don't obsess over how people could be judging every little thing about you. If they judge my home and decide it deems me unworthy to hang out with, that's really on them, not me! And as far as I know it hasn't happened yet...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People like this weird me out. You managed to mate, presumably get married, and have a child, but you can't manage a play date once in a while?
I don't love small talk, but I don't love playing trains, wiping poop, and getting up at night. It's parenting though.

Required parts of parenting: doing your best to make sure that your child is fed, clothed, housed, educated, and loved
Non-required parts of parenting: having playdates

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:god, I'm actually relieved to hear that so many others are stressed out by play dates.

I have social anxiety (disorder) and now that my son is in preschool I feel the absolute need to make friends with the other parents so that he can make friends, but its terrifying and overwhelming to me. Add in that we also do not have a nice house-we are in a townhouse and while its probably average in cleanliness and interior design, I am so damn self-conscious that its not what I want it to be.

Just having the kid over would be less overwhelming but at this age obviously you are hosting the parent, too. I am not good at small talk and I'm often so paralyzed by my obsessive worrying beforehand about what to serve for snack or what to say to the kids or what toys to have out...

My son has some developmental delays too and it can be uncomfortable as I don't know how much to share and I'm never sure how he'll react/interact.

People like this weird me out. You managed to mate, presumably get married, and have a child, but you can't manage a play date once in a while?
I don't love small talk, but I don't love playing trains, wiping poop, and getting up at night. It's parenting though.

Good to see empathy is alive and well on DCUM. You're a jerk, pp.

[Anonymous]

One of the reasons I do not love play dates is the "house tour" or the "hide and seek" activity. It means that the play date kid is poking around into every nook and cranny of your home. So that is way too much work.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:One of the reasons I do not love play dates is the "house tour" or the "hide and seek" activity. It means that the play date kid is poking around into every nook and cranny of your home. So that is way too much work.

I can't stand the boring mothers. Your kid is great, but you are a bragging shrew. No wonder your husband works "long hours" and is never around.