Wedding gift for cousin given circumstances....?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much it costs you to get to the wedding should not be connected to the gift, nor should the fact that you're not bringing a date. I would feel awful to give any of my cousins less than $200 for their weddings.

If you can't afford to go, then don't go and send your regrets with a proper gift.

Are you Jewish? I find the they give larger cash gifts than most ethnicities.

I am a wasp and I think it is fine for you to spend around forty dollars. If you were older and had a six figure job, i would say around 100 for a close cousin or sixty for a not close cousin. Different cultures or families might expect more.

You absolutely do not need to pay for your plate.

Wow, that is an insulting gift. Even when I was making $30k and in my early 20's I gave $200.

Okay troll. Nice try.

Not a troll. A wedding is a (hopefully) once-in-a-lifetime event. I'm not going to give a fucking DVD of a movie with a dish from Ross to the bride and groom. That's something you give for a birthday or Christmas/Hanukah. I truly am shocked at all these people encouraging OP to give $40 or $50. That's what I spend on a friend's birthday present!! And I'm not wealthy or making six figures. I just try to give quality rather than crap.

Greetings from the previous poster whose friend gave her the "fucking DVD of a movie with a dish from Ross." What a delightful friend you must be! The kid who gave us that was in her first job, and going to grad school like crazy nights and weekends and had nothing but a sense of humor and a heart. She THOUGHT about her gift and what we were like and she was creative. How creative is it to dump cash on someone or to pick off a registry?

Our "once in a lifetime event" did not coincide with HER having a ton of cash, or even a little extra cash. Should we have dumped her as a friend in advance of the wedding so she wouldn't be embarrassed by her "fucking" gift and so we wouldn't be oh so offended by her poverty?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of the people on this thread live in la la land.

$200 is crazy for a gift, unless it's for your child who is getting married.

A $40 gift is completely acceptable and normal. People want you there because they want to celebrate with close friends and family; not because they think you're going to give them a ton of money and stuff. (and if they are in the opposite camp, who gives two shits about them?).

You are in no way expected to pay for your plate.

WTF?? when my close cousin married I was a bridesmaid and son was ring buy. I gave $1000. For her shower I spent 700.

This is insane, some of you are cheap. I give 200 to any old person's wedding I attend. A cousin, far more!

If parents give their kids 200, they are cheap bastard. I would rather nothing at all.

I would be very uncomfortable if my cousin have us $1000 unless my cousin was Bill Gates.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't attend unless the cousin was someone as close to me as a sister would be. You don't have the funds to be traveling and paying fo a wedding. It happens. Send a nice $25 gift and a card.

I didn't ask whether you thought I should go- attendance is not in question.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much it costs you to get to the wedding should not be connected to the gift, nor should the fact that you're not bringing a date. I would feel awful to give any of my cousins less than $200 for their weddings.

If you can't afford to go, then don't go and send your regrets with a proper gift.

Are you Jewish? I find the they give larger cash gifts than most ethnicities.

I am a wasp and I think it is fine for you to spend around forty dollars. If you were older and had a six figure job, i would say around 100 for a close cousin or sixty for a not close cousin. Different cultures or families might expect more.

You absolutely do not need to pay for your plate.

+1

The cost of the wedding is irrelevant. To each according to his means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up on Long Island and the thought/expectation was that you needed to cover the cost of your dinner and cash or check is the best wedding gift, off the registry is usually for showers and engagement parties. My husband is from the South and $40-$50 wedding gift is considered just fine, usually not cash but an actual gift.

I am familiar with this custom of the bride and groom dictating their guests' budget. That doesn't make it correct.

[Anonymous]

"WTF?? when my close cousin married I was a bridesmaid and son was ring buy. I gave $1000. For her shower I spent 700."

Nouveau riche.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP... Some of these people are nuts. Your cousin wants you to attend. The gift is really irrelevant. Give a card with a nice note. $200 us out of your reach. So what. Don't not eat for a week in order to give a gift. Some people are just shallow and feel that value, love, importance can only be measured my money.

When I got married my 5 yr old sister made me a card. In the handmade card, was $1. Her allowance at the time was .25 cents per week. My sister gave me in essence a months salary. My new husband laughed at the dollar and wanted to know who gave such a cheap gift. I explained where it came from and how much money that was in her world and he shut up. I no longer am married to him but I still gave the card and the dollar.

Give what you can/ want. Your cousin has been there before and will understand.

Let's all take a moment here and realize THE OP IS NOT FIVE YEARS OLD. I am the poster who gives cousins $200. Before I even get the wedding invitation, I start saving for a gift, transportation, and if needed, a new dress. Yes, the OP, like your five year old sister, should be saving up for the wedding. No more Starbucks, no more cocktail hours with the girls, only matinee movies, take on a couple of babysitting gigs for a few Saturday nights in a row. You don't just wake up one day to realize that next week you have a wedding to attend and go digging through your couch cushions to scrounge up enough change for a gift. You plan in advance and save. I would be embarrassed to show up at a wedding and give a shitty gift.

Other people's weddings do not merit this kind of planning and saving on the part of the guests. They just don't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Some of the people on this thread live in la la land.

$200 is crazy for a gift, unless it's for your child who is getting married.

A $40 gift is completely acceptable and normal. People want you there because they want to celebrate with close friends and family; not because they think you're going to give them a ton of money and stuff. (and if they are in the opposite camp, who gives two shits about them?).

You are in no way expected to pay for your plate.

WTF?? when my close cousin married I was a bridesmaid and son was ring buy. I gave $1000. For her shower I spent 700.

This is insane, some of you are cheap. I give 200 to any old person's wedding I attend. A cousin, far more!

If parents give their kids 200, they are cheap bastard. I would rather nothing at all.

I would be very uncomfortable if my cousin have us $1000 unless my cousin was Bill Gates.

You would not be if everyone around you gave that much.
I mean, I spend $40 when my kids are invited to bday parties, when I barely know the kid.

[Anonymous]

Wow. I don't want to be friends with people who expect people to give them 200 for a wedding gift. If that makes you want to end our friendship, I consider that a plus!

Wow.

If you are from a religion or ethnicity that expects this, don't expect it from other people. Where I come from, a fifty dollar gift is typical and giving cash is extraordinarily tacky.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"WTF?? when my close cousin married I was a bridesmaid and son was ring buy. I gave $1000. For her shower I spent 700."

Nouveau riche.

Nope, not at all.
Everyone in our culture does it. It doesnt mean you need to be rich.

[Anonymous]

Let's all take a moment here and realize THE OP IS NOT FIVE YEARS OLD. I am the poster who gives cousins $200. Before I even get the wedding invitation, I start saving for a gift, transportation, and if needed, a new dress. Yes, the OP, like your five year old sister, should be saving up for the wedding. No more Starbucks, no more cocktail hours with the girls, only matinee movies, take on a couple of babysitting gigs for a few Saturday nights in a row. You don't just wake up one day to realize that next week you have a wedding to attend and go digging through your couch cushions to scrounge up enough change for a gift. You plan in advance and save. I would be embarrassed to show up at a wedding and give a shitty gift.


Other people's weddings do not merit this kind of planning and saving on the part of the guests. They just don't.

+1000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"WTF?? when my close cousin married I was a bridesmaid and son was ring buy. I gave $1000. For her shower I spent 700."

Nouveau riche.

Nope, not at all.
Everyone in our culture does it. It doesnt mean you need to be rich.

Actually, if we gave that kind of cash as gifts routinely, we would not have money for food and clothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Let's all take a moment here and realize THE OP IS NOT FIVE YEARS OLD. I am the poster who gives cousins $200. Before I even get the wedding invitation, I start saving for a gift, transportation, and if needed, a new dress. Yes, the OP, like your five year old sister, should be saving up for the wedding. No more Starbucks, no more cocktail hours with the girls, only matinee movies, take on a couple of babysitting gigs for a few Saturday nights in a row. You don't just wake up one day to realize that next week you have a wedding to attend and go digging through your couch cushions to scrounge up enough change for a gift. You plan in advance and save. I would be embarrassed to show up at a wedding and give a shitty gift.


Other people's weddings do not merit this kind of planning and saving on the part of the guests. They just don't.

+1000

If family is so important, why not do this type of planning?
because u dont want to be inconvenienced.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I don't want to be friends with people who expect people to give them 200 for a wedding gift. If that makes you want to end our friendship, I consider that a plus!

Wow.

If you are from a religion or ethnicity that expects this, don't expect it from other people. Where I come from, a fifty dollar gift is typical and giving cash is extraordinarily tacky.

Agree. Cash gifts scream tacky. I would assume the gift-giver lacked even the most basic understanding of etiquette.

[Anonymous]

cash gifts are the norm here.