Wedding gift for cousin given circumstances....?

[Anonymous]

I absolutely would not be offended if you did not give me a gift. I love my family and would want everyone at the wedding. Your presence would be enough!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much it costs you to get to the wedding should not be connected to the gift, nor should the fact that you're not bringing a date. I would feel awful to give any of my cousins less than $200 for their weddings.

If you can't afford to go, then don't go and send your regrets with a proper gift.

Are you Jewish? I find the they give larger cash gifts than most ethnicities.

I am a wasp and I think it is fine for you to spend around forty dollars. If you were older and had a six figure job, i would say around 100 for a close cousin or sixty for a not close cousin. Different cultures or families might expect more.

You absolutely do not need to pay for your plate.

Wow, that is an insulting gift. Even when I was making $30k and in my early 20's I gave $200.

Okay troll. Nice try.

[Anonymous]

I got married in my early 20s. Most friends of the same age gave $30. "Adults" gave more. I was too happy to be offended.

[Anonymous]

When I was in grad school, I spent $20 on wedding gifts. Give whatever you can afford. Why can't you and your parents give one wedding gift?

[Anonymous]

$50 is totally fine OP. Don't sweat it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:$50 is totally fine OP. Don't sweat it.

Agree. I have to say, based on the gifts I got at my wedding, there is no set rule. The gifts I got ran the gamut - from nothing, to a weird sculpture that was clearly regifted, to $50 for a whole family to $350 from one person/no date. I was happy with all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How much it costs you to get to the wedding should not be connected to the gift, nor should the fact that you're not bringing a date. I would feel awful to give any of my cousins less than $200 for their weddings.

If you can't afford to go, then don't go and send your regrets with a proper gift.

You seem to belong to a group/ culture with some fascinating values. Can you please tell us a bit about your origin/ ethnicity?

[Anonymous]

$50 is perfectly fine. Enjoy.

[Anonymous]

Let's say that if you giving $50 instead of the "cost of the plate" would upset the wedding couple, you don't need to spend one red cent on their gift or going to their wedding at all.

[Anonymous]

I grew up on Long Island and the thought/expectation was that you needed to cover the cost of your dinner and cash or check is the best wedding gift, off the registry is usually for showers and engagement parties. My husband is from the South and $40-$50 wedding gift is considered just fine, usually not cash but an actual gift.

[Anonymous]

Well, OP, you now see that this proper etiquette with respect to wedding gifts is all over the map. It has so much to do with the culture and background of your family, the wedding couple, where you grew up, etc. Like other PPs when I got married we got a wide range of gifts -- from $20 candlesticks (that by the way, we use often) to $500 checks or extravagant items from Tiffany's. The younger people at our wedding (grad students, newly married couples) usually gave in the $20-50 range), as did several elderly relatives who I knew were on fixed incomes.

It sounds like your cousin wants you there. I'd buy something nice for $50 and a lovely card and enjoy yourself at the wedding!

[Anonymous]

Give what you can. I honestly can't remember what people gave us other than a few outliers who gave a lot. I know there were some people who gave nothing, but I couldn't tell you which ones did that.

[Anonymous]

OP, don't stress over the gift to the point that you can't enjoy the wedding and participate in your cousin's happiness. As someone else noted, the "expected" thing is all over the map (and I've read repeatedly inss Manners-type articles etc. that the whole "you need to cover the cost of your 'plate'" is a load of nonsense and couples who tell guests that are rude).

The most memorable gift we got was from a friend who was a young, single person with what I knew was a very tight income. She gave us a Monty Python movie and a simple chip and dip dish--total cost was maybe $40 at that time (though I never thought about the cost of that gift until just now). She wrote something very funny and spot-on in the card about how this was for our many nights in, from now on.

It showed that she had thought through what would be fun and interesting for us, and she had considered our tastes and sense of humor. We really appreciated it and we still do, many years later.

Choose something that really reflects the couple and it will not matter what the price tag was.

[Anonymous]

Monty Python + Chip & dip bowl. Awesome gift and so nice that you think of her when you use it!

(now I want chip & dip)

[Anonymous]

$50 is more than enough ($25-$40 would be fine, too). As many have said, your presence is wanted more than whatever gift you may give, and they're going to remember your being there longer than they'll remember what you gave. Have a great time!