Wedding gift for cousin given circumstances....?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much it costs you to get to the wedding should not be connected to the gift, nor should the fact that you're not bringing a date. I would feel awful to give any of my cousins less than $200 for their weddings.

If you can't afford to go, then don't go and send your regrets with a proper gift.

Are you Jewish? I find the they give larger cash gifts than most ethnicities.

I am a wasp and I think it is fine for you to spend around forty dollars. If you were older and had a six figure job, i would say around 100 for a close cousin or sixty for a not close cousin. Different cultures or families might expect more.

You absolutely do not need to pay for your plate.

Wow, that is an insulting gift. Even when I was making $30k and in my early 20's I gave $200.

Okay troll. Nice try.

Not a troll. A wedding is a (hopefully) once-in-a-lifetime event. I'm not going to give a fucking DVD of a movie with a dish from Ross to the bride and groom. That's something you give for a birthday or Christmas/Hanukah. I truly am shocked at all these people encouraging OP to give $40 or $50. That's what I spend on a friend's birthday present!! And I'm not wealthy or making six figures. I just try to give quality rather than crap.

[Anonymous]

40 is pathetic

OMG, 200 is the MINIMUM

[Anonymous]

OP... Some of these people are nuts. Your cousin wants you to attend. The gift is really irrelevant. Give a card with a nice note. $200 us out of your reach. So what. Don't not eat for a week in order to give a gift. Some people are just shallow and feel that value, love, importance can only be measured my money.

When I got married my 5 yr old sister made me a card. In the handmade card, was $1. Her allowance at the time was .25 cents per week. My sister gave me in essence a months salary. My new husband laughed at the dollar and wanted to know who gave such a cheap gift. I explained where it came from and how much money that was in her world and he shut up. I no longer am married to him but I still gave the card and the dollar.

Give what you can/ want. Your cousin has been there before and will understand.

[Anonymous]

If you were my cousin, I'd just want you at my party. The gift of your travel would be enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP... Some of these people are nuts. Your cousin wants you to attend. The gift is really irrelevant. Give a card with a nice note. $200 us out of your reach. So what. Don't not eat for a week in order to give a gift. Some people are just shallow and feel that value, love, importance can only be measured my money.

When I got married my 5 yr old sister made me a card. In the handmade card, was $1. Her allowance at the time was .25 cents per week. My sister gave me in essence a months salary. My new husband laughed at the dollar and wanted to know who gave such a cheap gift. I explained where it came from and how much money that was in her world and he shut up. I no longer am married to him but I still gave the card and the dollar.

Give what you can/ want. Your cousin has been there before and will understand.

Let's all take a moment here and realize THE OP IS NOT FIVE YEARS OLD. I am the poster who gives cousins $200. Before I even get the wedding invitation, I start saving for a gift, transportation, and if needed, a new dress. Yes, the OP, like your five year old sister, should be saving up for the wedding. No more Starbucks, no more cocktail hours with the girls, only matinee movies, take on a couple of babysitting gigs for a few Saturday nights in a row. You don't just wake up one day to realize that next week you have a wedding to attend and go digging through your couch cushions to scrounge up enough change for a gift. You plan in advance and save. I would be embarrassed to show up at a wedding and give a shitty gift.

[Anonymous]

Cash gifts are just the tackiest thing ever. OP, just get them a $40-$50 dollar GIFT.

[Anonymous]

Dear $200 gift poster, will you PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE start and advice thread in Off-Topic. DCUM needs you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP... Some of these people are nuts. Your cousin wants you to attend. The gift is really irrelevant. Give a card with a nice note. $200 us out of your reach. So what. Don't not eat for a week in order to give a gift. Some people are just shallow and feel that value, love, importance can only be measured my money.

When I got married my 5 yr old sister made me a card. In the handmade card, was $1. Her allowance at the time was .25 cents per week. My sister gave me in essence a months salary. My new husband laughed at the dollar and wanted to know who gave such a cheap gift. I explained where it came from and how much money that was in her world and he shut up. I no longer am married to him but I still gave the card and the dollar.

Give what you can/ want. Your cousin has been there before and will understand.

Let's all take a moment here and realize THE OP IS NOT FIVE YEARS OLD. I am the poster who gives cousins $200. Before I even get the wedding invitation, I start saving for a gift, transportation, and if needed, a new dress. Yes, the OP, like your five year old sister, should be saving up for the wedding. No more Starbucks, no more cocktail hours with the girls, only matinee movies, take on a couple of babysitting gigs for a few Saturday nights in a row. You don't just wake up one day to realize that next week you have a wedding to attend and go digging through your couch cushions to scrounge up enough change for a gift. You plan in advance and save. I would be embarrassed to show up at a wedding and give a shitty gift.

It's wonderful that you martyr yourself for your cousins!

[Anonymous]

I agree with PP, go in with your parents.

[Anonymous]

Ok in normal circumstances I agree 200$ is the way to go. But it sounds like OP is in a difficult situation and already has the added expense of travel and hotel. In that case either go in with parents or spend 70$. 40$ is just too little IMO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How much it costs you to get to the wedding should not be connected to the gift, nor should the fact that you're not bringing a date. I would feel awful to give any of my cousins less than $200 for their weddings.

If you can't afford to go, then don't go and send your regrets with a proper gift.

Are you Jewish? I find the they give larger cash gifts than most ethnicities.

I am a wasp and I think it is fine for you to spend around forty dollars. If you were older and had a six figure job, i would say around 100 for a close cousin or sixty for a not close cousin. Different cultures or families might expect more.

You absolutely do not need to pay for your plate.

Wow, that is an insulting gift. Even when I was making $30k and in my early 20's I gave $200.

I think your expectations are insulting.

[Anonymous]

Some of the people on this thread live in la la land.

$200 is crazy for a gift, unless it's for your child who is getting married.

A $40 gift is completely acceptable and normal. People want you there because they want to celebrate with close friends and family; not because they think you're going to give them a ton of money and stuff. (and if they are in the opposite camp, who gives two shits about them?).

You are in no way expected to pay for your plate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP... Some of these people are nuts. Your cousin wants you to attend. The gift is really irrelevant. Give a card with a nice note. $200 us out of your reach. So what. Don't not eat for a week in order to give a gift. Some people are just shallow and feel that value, love, importance can only be measured my money.

When I got married my 5 yr old sister made me a card. In the handmade card, was $1. Her allowance at the time was .25 cents per week. My sister gave me in essence a months salary. My new husband laughed at the dollar and wanted to know who gave such a cheap gift. I explained where it came from and how much money that was in her world and he shut up. I no longer am married to him but I still gave the card and the dollar.

Give what you can/ want. Your cousin has been there before and will understand.

Let's all take a moment here and realize THE OP IS NOT FIVE YEARS OLD. I am the poster who gives cousins $200. Before I even get the wedding invitation, I start saving for a gift, transportation, and if needed, a new dress. Yes, the OP, like your five year old sister, should be saving up for the wedding. No more Starbucks, no more cocktail hours with the girls, only matinee movies, take on a couple of babysitting gigs for a few Saturday nights in a row. You don't just wake up one day to realize that next week you have a wedding to attend and go digging through your couch cushions to scrounge up enough change for a gift. You plan in advance and save. I would be embarrassed to show up at a wedding and give a shitty gift.

Honestly, if I knew someone scrimped and saved to give me a wedding gift, I would be horrified and it would take a lot of the joy away for me. When I got married, I felt kind of bad knowing that some of my grad student friends and others without a lot of money were incurring expenses to travel to my wedding. An expensive gift on top of that would have been too much! They generally bought modest gifts, but I would have been perfectly happy with nothing but a heartfelt card. These are people I care about, after all. Why would I want them to experience any financial (or other) stress on my behalf? A wedding should be a joyful occasion for everyone involved. Save the sacrifices for when friends are in need or in trouble.

[Anonymous]

I believe in giving what you can afford. If the bride and groom can't afford to stock their own house and are relying on other people to do it for them, then they can't afford to get married. The point of a wedding is to celebrate the union with people you care about. If they happen to bring a gift, then great. If you're getting married for the gifts, then please rethink why you're getting married.

[Anonymous]

Thanks everyone- OP here. I think I will get a $40 or so gift, or perhaps split something with my parents. I do not think my family's monetary expectations are as high as some of the numbers listed on this thread but I know everyone is different.

I am definitely going because it is a family wedding and I really want to be there; honestly I will already be saving and using my credit card for just the tickets/hotel. So to those who say I should just not go if I can't give $100-200 I don't really think that's reasonable or what family is about. I hope everyone has a nice weekend.