My grandmother's ring

[Anonymous]

Time to stonewall both of them, especially your vile and Dickensian mother. You can send Christmas cards if they depict you frolicing in St Barths. You may reply to apologetic emails, that is all. What your Mom did belies some deep simmering resentments- maybe she is angry you never bought her a Cadillac, or whatever arbitrary crazy notion she has in her head about your "wealth" and she is using this to hurt you.

She has probably discussed this with your sister and she is avoiding the conflict because she knows a discussion will only hurt you more and or put her in a worse light. How can she realistically give it to you and thereby betray your Mom?

I agree- you don't want the ring now, its just a symbol of nastiness.

Ignore the PP's that call you entitled...they are too dense to get that you aren't in it for the money. Leave that to Mommy Dearest...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I would have a big old bonfire in my back yard before I would allow my children to squabble over *stuff* like this. Stuff can be replaced, sisters can't be. So very sad.

Sisters like this are a dime a dozen, easily replaceable with healthier relationships with friends.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have a big old bonfire in my back yard before I would allow my children to squabble over *stuff* like this. Stuff can be replaced, sisters can't be. So very sad.

The mom appears to be a major cause of squabble in this case. It's probably something she has been doing for a long time.

Then the OP should be well aware of her mom's tendency to create drama in the family. Next time an older relative offers to give the OP an heirloom the OP should accept it right then and there.

Hindsight is 20/20, pp.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have a big old bonfire in my back yard before I would allow my children to squabble over *stuff* like this. Stuff can be replaced, sisters can't be. So very sad.

The mom appears to be a major cause of squabble in this case. It's probably something she has been doing for a long time.

Then the OP should be well aware of her mom's tendency to create drama in the family. Next time an older relative offers to give the OP an heirloom the OP should accept it right then and there.

Hindsight is 20/20, pp.

Sometimes you just gotta live and learn.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I would have a big old bonfire in my back yard before I would allow my children to squabble over *stuff* like this. Stuff can be replaced, sisters can't be. So very sad.

Sisters like this are a dime a dozen, easily replaceable with healthier relationships with friends.

Hmm, you must not have a sister.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you sound very entitled.

I do not u der stand why you feel you deserve the ring more than your sister does.

Because she wants it more, her grandmother promised it to her and it has very little monetary value anyways. Sister never wears the ring and doesn't care for it.

Why are you attacking OP? You sound like a failure in a family that always expects special treatment from the parents.

If all that is true then the OP can just (politely!) ask her sister for the ring. If Sis says "no" then the OP needs to accept it and let it go.

She asked for it and was ignored. Have you even read the thread? And she doesn't need to let anything go. Sure, she cannot do anything about the ring, but actions have consequences and she is well within her right to hold this against her sister and mother for as long as she pleases. I am sure I would.

So the mom gave the sister the ring and now the sister is holding onto the ring just to tick the OP off. Yet, the mom still EXPECTS the OP to support her in her old age? How much sense does that even make?

This is my life, btw, or going to be. My mom has been telling both sis and I for years what we are going to get when she dies yet I'm pretty sure none if it is in a will or even in writing anywhere. Sis will surely make a grab for everything as is the mo because she feels she deserves it because she thinks parents loved me more. Not jewelry in our case but some very valuable art and historical objects which I have studied and loved for decades versus sis who just sees $$.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op, you sound very entitled.

I do not u der stand why you feel you deserve the ring more than your sister does.

Because she wants it more, her grandmother promised it to her and it has very little monetary value anyways. Sister never wears the ring and doesn't care for it.

Why are you attacking OP? You sound like a failure in a family that always expects special treatment from the parents.

If all that is true then the OP can just (politely!) ask her sister for the ring. If Sis says "no" then the OP needs to accept it and let it go.

She asked for it and was ignored. Have you even read the thread? And she doesn't need to let anything go. Sure, she cannot do anything about the ring, but actions have consequences and she is well within her right to hold this against her sister and mother for as long as she pleases. I am sure I would.

So the mom gave the sister the ring and now the sister is holding onto the ring just to tick the OP off. Yet, the mom still EXPECTS the OP to support her in her old age? How much sense does that even make?

This is my life, btw, or going to be. My mom has been telling both sis and I for years what we are going to get when she dies yet I'm pretty sure none if it is in a will or even in writing anywhere. Sis will surely make a grab for everything as is the mo because she feels she deserves it because she thinks parents loved me more. Not jewelry in our case but some very valuable art and historical objects which I have studied and loved for decades versus sis who just sees $$.

Can you ask your mom to please put all of this in writing so that when the time comes you can all be sure to honor her wishes?

[Anonymous]

There have been a few instances where I've talked with my mom about wanting an heirloom or two (sentimental value, nothing that any of my siblings would probably even want) and she's wound up donating those items to a charity or selling them at a yard sale. I didn't find out that she had done it until months or even years after the fact. She just got busy clearing out some of her rooms and she gave the items away w/o even thinking about it. Looking back, I really wish that she had kept a list around to refer to. Now some stranger is sitting in my Grandma's little chair .

[Anonymous]

I still don't understand why op feels more entitled to the ring than her sister.

People should make very specific wills. I am trying to get my dad to do this to no avail.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand why op feels more entitled to the ring than her sister.

People should make very specific wills. I am trying to get my dad to do this to no avail.

Same here. I think that making such itemized, very specific wills like that is exhausting for some older people (it would be for me) plus many of us younger people don't really want to stake our claim like that to our parent's stuff while they are still alive. It doesn't feel right and losing our parents isn't something that we really want to think about before we have to.

[Anonymous]

With my own kids, I think I'll just pick out 4 nice family heirlooms for each one of them and then instruct them to do an estate sale with the rest of it (they would all get first dibs on buying the items at a decent price before they were sold). Proceeds from the estate sale would then be divided equally among the kids.

That's about as fair as I know how to do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand why op feels more entitled to the ring than her sister.

People should make very specific wills. I am trying to get my dad to do this to no avail.

Same here. I think that making such itemized, very specific wills like that is exhausting for some older people (it would be for me) plus many of us younger people don't really want to stake our claim like that to our parent's stuff while they are still alive. It doesn't feel right and losing our parents isn't something that we really want to think about before we have to.

Have you followed the discusson at all? No, OP doesnt feel entitled to it. She would like to have, it is very important to her, grandmother offered to give it to her several times (yes, she should have taken it), sister doesn't care for it. it's not about having a right to it but give and take within a Family. Ops family takes a lot from her and doesn't want to give back even a little thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand why op feels more entitled to the ring than her sister.

People should make very specific wills. I am trying to get my dad to do this to no avail.

Same here. I think that making such itemized, very specific wills like that is exhausting for some older people (it would be for me) plus many of us younger people don't really want to stake our claim like that to our parent's stuff while they are still alive. It doesn't feel right and losing our parents isn't something that we really want to think about before we have to.

Have you followed the discusson at all? No, OP doesnt feel entitled to it. She would like to have, it is very important to her, grandmother offered to give it to her several times (yes, she should have taken it), sister doesn't care for it. it's not about having a right to it but give and take within a Family. Ops family takes a lot from her and doesn't want to give back even a little thing.

Well, Sis must want the ring, too, because she sure isn't handing it over to the OP. So what should the OP do...sneak into Sis's house one night and pull a Robin Hood on her?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand why op feels more entitled to the ring than her sister.

People should make very specific wills. I am trying to get my dad to do this to no avail.

Same here. I think that making such itemized, very specific wills like that is exhausting for some older people (it would be for me) plus many of us younger people don't really want to stake our claim like that to our parent's stuff while they are still alive. It doesn't feel right and losing our parents isn't something that we really want to think about before we have to.

Have you followed the discusson at all? No, OP doesnt feel entitled to it. She would like to have, it is very important to her, grandmother offered to give it to her several times (yes, she should have taken it), sister doesn't care for it. it's not about having a right to it but give and take within a Family. Ops family takes a lot from her and doesn't want to give back even a little thing.

Well, Sis must want the ring, too, because she sure isn't handing it over to the OP. So what should the OP do...sneak into Sis's house one night and pull a Robin Hood on her?

Sis doesnt wear the ring. No, OP cant do anything about the ring, but yeah she can punish her mother by not giving her any more money. I hope she does.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand why op feels more entitled to the ring than her sister.

People should make very specific wills. I am trying to get my dad to do this to no avail.

Same here. I think that making such itemized, very specific wills like that is exhausting for some older people (it would be for me) plus many of us younger people don't really want to stake our claim like that to our parent's stuff while they are still alive. It doesn't feel right and losing our parents isn't something that we really want to think about before we have to.

Have you followed the discusson at all? No, OP doesnt feel entitled to it. She would like to have, it is very important to her, grandmother offered to give it to her several times (yes, she should have taken it), sister doesn't care for it. it's not about having a right to it but give and take within a Family. Ops family takes a lot from her and doesn't want to give back even a little thing.

Well, Sis must want the ring, too, because she sure isn't handing it over to the OP. So what should the OP do...sneak into Sis's house one night and pull a Robin Hood on her?

Sis doesnt wear the ring. No, OP cant do anything about the ring, but yeah she can punish her mother by not giving her any more money. I hope she does.

Maybe I misread but I do not get the impression that the OP gives her Mom money now. OP thinks that her Mom will expect her to help her out in the future at some point. Of course, Mom might die tomorrow and never require a dime of assistance from her mom.

So basically OP is telling Mom - if you want me to help you down the road, you need to give ME (not Sis) the family heirlooms. If you don't, I'll cut you off and refuse to help you.