My grandmother's ring

[Anonymous]

I meant "a dime of assistance from the OP"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand why op feels more entitled to the ring than her sister.

People should make very specific wills. I am trying to get my dad to do this to no avail.

Wills don't prevent items from "disappearing".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand why op feels more entitled to the ring than her sister.

People should make very specific wills. I am trying to get my dad to do this to no avail.

Same here. I think that making such itemized, very specific wills like that is exhausting for some older people (it would be for me) plus many of us younger people don't really want to stake our claim like that to our parent's stuff while they are still alive. It doesn't feel right and losing our parents isn't something that we really want to think about before we have to.

Have you followed the discusson at all? No, OP doesnt feel entitled to it. She would like to have, it is very important to her, grandmother offered to give it to her several times (yes, she should have taken it), sister doesn't care for it. it's not about having a right to it but give and take within a Family. Ops family takes a lot from her and doesn't want to give back even a little thing.

Well, Sis must want the ring, too, because she sure isn't handing it over to the OP. So what should the OP do...sneak into Sis's house one night and pull a Robin Hood on her?

Sis doesnt wear the ring. No, OP cant do anything about the ring, but yeah she can punish her mother by not giving her any more money. I hope she does.

Maybe I misread but I do not get the impression that the OP gives her Mom money now. OP thinks that her Mom will expect her to help her out in the future at some point. Of course, Mom might die tomorrow and never require a dime of assistance from her mom.

So basically OP is telling Mom - if you want me to help you down the road, you need to give ME (not Sis) the family heirlooms. If you don't, I'll cut you off and refuse to help you.

Thats what she should do, but not tell. Just let the asshole fight on her own/with the help of her her other daughter whom she obviuosly favors. I don't know why you are using plural here, its just one stupid worthless ring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand why op feels more entitled to the ring than her sister.

People should make very specific wills. I am trying to get my dad to do this to no avail.

Wills don't prevent items from "disappearing".

In this case, Mom GAVE Sis the ring. OP hasn't accused her of taking anything. OP is mad that Mom has told the OP that she can buy some of the valuables (not just take them). I wonder if Mom has a special item in mind for the OP but is trying to keep the rest of the items around for an estate sale?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand why op feels more entitled to the ring than her sister.

People should make very specific wills. I am trying to get my dad to do this to no avail.

Wills don't prevent items from "disappearing".

In this case, Mom GAVE Sis the ring. OP hasn't accused her of taking anything. OP is mad that Mom has told the OP that she can buy some of the valuables (not just take them). I wonder if Mom has a special item in mind for the OP but is trying to keep the rest of the items around for an estate sale?

Right... She has that very special item in store for OP, she is just such a kind hearted woman... wonder why she is waiting so long yet gave the ring to her other daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand why op feels more entitled to the ring than her sister.

People should make very specific wills. I am trying to get my dad to do this to no avail.

Wills don't prevent items from "disappearing".

In this case, Mom GAVE Sis the ring. OP hasn't accused her of taking anything. OP is mad that Mom has told the OP that she can buy some of the valuables (not just take them). I wonder if Mom has a special item in mind for the OP but is trying to keep the rest of the items around for an estate sale?

Right... She has that very special item in store for OP, she is just such a kind hearted woman... wonder why she is waiting so long yet gave the ring to her other daughter.

There are times when a handshake is all that is needed. Clearly not the case here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand why op feels more entitled to the ring than her sister.

People should make very specific wills. I am trying to get my dad to do this to no avail.

Same here. I think that making such itemized, very specific wills like that is exhausting for some older people (it would be for me) plus many of us younger people don't really want to stake our claim like that to our parent's stuff while they are still alive. It doesn't feel right and losing our parents isn't something that we really want to think about before we have to.

Have you followed the discusson at all? No, OP doesnt feel entitled to it. She would like to have, it is very important to her, grandmother offered to give it to her several times (yes, she should have taken it), sister doesn't care for it. it's not about having a right to it but give and take within a Family. Ops family takes a lot from her and doesn't want to give back even a little thing.

Well, Sis must want the ring, too, because she sure isn't handing it over to the OP. So what should the OP do...sneak into Sis's house one night and pull a Robin Hood on her?

Sis doesnt wear the ring. No, OP cant do anything about the ring, but yeah she can punish her mother by not giving her any more money. I hope she does.

Maybe I misread but I do not get the impression that the OP gives her Mom money now. OP thinks that her Mom will expect her to help her out in the future at some point. Of course, Mom might die tomorrow and never require a dime of assistance from her mom.

So basically OP is telling Mom - if you want me to help you down the road, you need to give ME (not Sis) the family heirlooms. If you don't, I'll cut you off and refuse to help you.

Thats what she should do, but not tell. Just let the asshole fight on her own/with the help of her her other daughter whom she obviuosly favors. I don't know why you are using plural here, its just one stupid worthless ring.

No it's not just one ring. The OP has been after some other items but Mom has told her that if she wants them she needs to buy them. Sounds like a mess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Call your sister and talk to her. Tell her gently that it was very sentimental to you and that if she felt like she could part with the ring you would really like to have it to remember your grandmother. If she says no, then make peace with it. Your mom is creating drama so leave her out of whatever you decide to do.

Excellent advice!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand why op feels more entitled to the ring than her sister.

People should make very specific wills. I am trying to get my dad to do this to no avail.

Same here. I think that making such itemized, very specific wills like that is exhausting for some older people (it would be for me) plus many of us younger people don't really want to stake our claim like that to our parent's stuff while they are still alive. It doesn't feel right and losing our parents isn't something that we really want to think about before we have to.

Have you followed the discusson at all? No, OP doesnt feel entitled to it. She would like to have, it is very important to her, grandmother offered to give it to her several times (yes, she should have taken it), sister doesn't care for it. it's not about having a right to it but give and take within a Family. Ops family takes a lot from her and doesn't want to give back even a little thing.

Well, Sis must want the ring, too, because she sure isn't handing it over to the OP. So what should the OP do...sneak into Sis's house one night and pull a Robin Hood on her?

Sis doesnt wear the ring. No, OP cant do anything about the ring, but yeah she can punish her mother by not giving her any more money. I hope she does.

Maybe I misread but I do not get the impression that the OP gives her Mom money now. OP thinks that her Mom will expect her to help her out in the future at some point. Of course, Mom might die tomorrow and never require a dime of assistance from her mom.

So basically OP is telling Mom - if you want me to help you down the road, you need to give ME (not Sis) the family heirlooms. If you don't, I'll cut you off and refuse to help you.

Thats what she should do, but not tell. Just let the asshole fight on her own/with the help of her her other daughter whom she obviuosly favors. I don't know why you are using plural here, its just one stupid worthless ring.

No it's not just one ring. The OP has been after some other items but Mom has told her that if she wants them she needs to buy them. Sounds like a mess.

No, OP is not after anything else. it was the mother who offered to sell another time to OP IF she wanted it, as a kind of compensation for giving the ring for free to the other daughter (huh?). But OP didn't want it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand why op feels more entitled to the ring than her sister.

People should make very specific wills. I am trying to get my dad to do this to no avail.

Same here. I think that making such itemized, very specific wills like that is exhausting for some older people (it would be for me) plus many of us younger people don't really want to stake our claim like that to our parent's stuff while they are still alive. It doesn't feel right and losing our parents isn't something that we really want to think about before we have to.

Have you followed the discusson at all? No, OP doesnt feel entitled to it. She would like to have, it is very important to her, grandmother offered to give it to her several times (yes, she should have taken it), sister doesn't care for it. it's not about having a right to it but give and take within a Family. Ops family takes a lot from her and doesn't want to give back even a little thing.

Well, Sis must want the ring, too, because she sure isn't handing it over to the OP. So what should the OP do...sneak into Sis's house one night and pull a Robin Hood on her?

Sis doesnt wear the ring. No, OP cant do anything about the ring, but yeah she can punish her mother by not giving her any more money. I hope she does.

Maybe I misread but I do not get the impression that the OP gives her Mom money now. OP thinks that her Mom will expect her to help her out in the future at some point. Of course, Mom might die tomorrow and never require a dime of assistance from her mom.

So basically OP is telling Mom - if you want me to help you down the road, you need to give ME (not Sis) the family heirlooms. If you don't, I'll cut you off and refuse to help you.

Thats what she should do, but not tell. Just let the asshole fight on her own/with the help of her her other daughter whom she obviuosly favors. I don't know why you are using plural here, its just one stupid worthless ring.

No it's not just one ring. The OP has been after some other items but Mom has told her that if she wants them she needs to buy them. Sounds like a mess.

No, OP is not after anything else. it was the mother who offered to sell another time to OP IF she wanted it, as a kind of compensation for giving the ring for free to the other daughter (huh?). But OP didn't want it.

A other item, not another time. Typo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Call your sister and talk to her. Tell her gently that it was very sentimental to you and that if she felt like she could part with the ring you would really like to have it to remember your grandmother. If she says no, then make peace with it. Your mom is creating drama so leave her out of whatever you decide to do.

Excellent advice!

and please keep an open mind about your sister's take. I"ll share a story as illustration.

I was given my grandmother's mother's ring. I love it. It is very sentimental to me as is the reason why it was given to me and not my 11 female first-cousins.

The reason is that I was a favorite and then I got engaged to someone my family did not support (both of us female, they all Roman Catholic). My fiance then died. My grandmother gave me the ring as a way of saying "I may not have accepted your relationship, but I do accept you as the widow you are". There was lots of whispering about my getting this ring. So at a family gathering, my grandmother stood up, told the others to stop their whispering and said "I gave the ring to ABC because I wanted her to have it. That's the end of the discussion".

I don't wear it every day but I am wearing it now. I wear it at certain times. For example, she was a mother of 6 and I am 8 months pregnant and feeling very slowed by pregnancy. Seeing these 6 stones reminds me that I can do this and she did much, much more (for ex: including raising, killing, plucking, preparing AND cooking the chicken while I buy pollo a la braza).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand why op feels more entitled to the ring than her sister.

People should make very specific wills. I am trying to get my dad to do this to no avail.

Same here. I think that making such itemized, very specific wills like that is exhausting for some older people (it would be for me) plus many of us younger people don't really want to stake our claim like that to our parent's stuff while they are still alive. It doesn't feel right and losing our parents isn't something that we really want to think about before we have to.

Have you followed the discusson at all? No, OP doesnt feel entitled to it. She would like to have, it is very important to her, grandmother offered to give it to her several times (yes, she should have taken it), sister doesn't care for it. it's not about having a right to it but give and take within a Family. Ops family takes a lot from her and doesn't want to give back even a little thing.

Well, Sis must want the ring, too, because she sure isn't handing it over to the OP. So what should the OP do...sneak into Sis's house one night and pull a Robin Hood on her?

Sis doesnt wear the ring. No, OP cant do anything about the ring, but yeah she can punish her mother by not giving her any more money. I hope she does.

Maybe I misread but I do not get the impression that the OP gives her Mom money now. OP thinks that her Mom will expect her to help her out in the future at some point. Of course, Mom might die tomorrow and never require a dime of assistance from her mom.

So basically OP is telling Mom - if you want me to help you down the road, you need to give ME (not Sis) the family heirlooms. If you don't, I'll cut you off and refuse to help you.

Thats what she should do, but not tell. Just let the asshole fight on her own/with the help of her her other daughter whom she obviuosly favors. I don't know why you are using plural here, its just one stupid worthless ring.

No it's not just one ring. The OP has been after some other items but Mom has told her that if she wants them she needs to buy them. Sounds like a mess.

No, OP is not after anything else. it was the mother who offered to sell another time to OP IF she wanted it, as a kind of compensation for giving the ring for free to the other daughter (huh?). But OP didn't want it.

A other item, not another time. Typo.

So let's agree that the ring is really the one thing that the OP wants. She has already politely asked her sister for the ring and Sis doesn't seem to want to give it her. The OP is just going to have to accept that she is not going to get this ring. It now belongs to her sister. If OP chooses to then "punish" people for it, that is the OP's choice. But, while I do understand why the OP wanted the ring, I STILL see no reason why the OP's sister was not equally entitled to the ring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I still don't understand why op feels more entitled to the ring than her sister.

People should make very specific wills. I am trying to get my dad to do this to no avail.

Same here. I think that making such itemized, very specific wills like that is exhausting for some older people (it would be for me) plus many of us younger people don't really want to stake our claim like that to our parent's stuff while they are still alive. It doesn't feel right and losing our parents isn't something that we really want to think about before we have to.

Have you followed the discusson at all? No, OP doesnt feel entitled to it. She would like to have, it is very important to her, grandmother offered to give it to her several times (yes, she should have taken it), sister doesn't care for it. it's not about having a right to it but give and take within a Family. Ops family takes a lot from her and doesn't want to give back even a little thing.

Well, Sis must want the ring, too, because she sure isn't handing it over to the OP. So what should the OP do...sneak into Sis's house one night and pull a Robin Hood on her?

Sis doesnt wear the ring. No, OP cant do anything about the ring, but yeah she can punish her mother by not giving her any more money. I hope she does.

Maybe I misread but I do not get the impression that the OP gives her Mom money now. OP thinks that her Mom will expect her to help her out in the future at some point. Of course, Mom might die tomorrow and never require a dime of assistance from her mom.

So basically OP is telling Mom - if you want me to help you down the road, you need to give ME (not Sis) the family heirlooms. If you don't, I'll cut you off and refuse to help you.

Thats what she should do, but not tell. Just let the asshole fight on her own/with the help of her her other daughter whom she obviuosly favors. I don't know why you are using plural here, its just one stupid worthless ring.

No it's not just one ring. The OP has been after some other items but Mom has told her that if she wants them she needs to buy them. Sounds like a mess.

No, OP is not after anything else. it was the mother who offered to sell another time to OP IF she wanted it, as a kind of compensation for giving the ring for free to the other daughter (huh?). But OP didn't want it.

A other item, not another time. Typo.

So let's agree that the ring is really the one thing that the OP wants. She has already politely asked her sister for the ring and Sis doesn't seem to want to give it her. The OP is just going to have to accept that she is not going to get this ring. It now belongs to her sister. If OP chooses to then "punish" people for it, that is the OP's choice. But, while I do understand why the OP wanted the ring, I STILL see no reason why the OP's sister was not equally entitled to the ring.

OP has already accepted she will not get the ring. She is just justifiably resentful. This has nothing do with entitlement, they are probably both equally entitled to the ring, but since it means to OP much more than to her is, it would have been nice if her mom gave to to her. She didn't want to be nice to her and, if I were OP, damn right I would remember it. The ring itself is a totally peripheral issue here. It's not about the ring, but favoritism.

[Anonymous]

Mom gave the ring to Sis, now OP is feeling mad/resentful/slighted. If mom had given the ring to OP instead, Sis would be feeling mad/resentful/slighted.

Do you see how this would have been a lose-lose for Mom no matter who she gave the ring to? Ugh, I actually feel for that woman.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Mom gave the ring to Sis, now OP is feeling mad/resentful/slighted. If mom had given the ring to OP instead, Sis would be feeling mad/resentful/slighted.

Do you see how this would have been a lose-lose for Mom no matter who she gave the ring to? Ugh, I actually feel for that woman.

Um, no, there is no symmetry here. OP has a very special attachment to that particular, otherwise worthless ring. Her sister doesn't. A wise well meaning parent would give the ring to OP, and something else to her sister. Instead she gave to the sister the one thing OP wanted. Boy would I make her pay for it. I sure hope OP does as well.