My grandmother's ring

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone heard of you get what you get and you don't get upset? You are not entitled to anything you didn't earn. If you do acquire things because someone passed it is a bonus. My dad went through a similar thing when his dad ( the oldest brother passed), he was willed a substantial amount of property because he was the son of the eldest son. He still holds the deeds, but if he wills it to me and my sisters okay. Iif not I'm okay with it. Sometimes you have to realize material things don't even come close to comparing with memories.

Right. And the mother is not entitled to any financial help either.

[Anonymous]

OP, go shopping and find a beautiful ring that reminds you of your grandmother. Think of her when you wear it. That's what matters. Then, later in life, pass that ring down to your daughter or granddaughter when they admire it while you are alive.

[Anonymous]

I think you should have an honest conversation with your sister and see what kind of trade you can make. If that doesn't work, ask if you can borrow the ring to give to a jeweler to make a copy for yourself. Or take very good photos of it, from every angle, right in front of your sister. When she sees you going to this effort, maybe she will realize how much it does in fact mean to you and agree to a trade. If not, you will still have a beautiful copy. Anyway, that's what I would do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should have an honest conversation with your sister and see what kind of trade you can make. If that doesn't work, ask if you can borrow the ring to give to a jeweler to make a copy for yourself. Or take very good photos of it, from every angle, right in front of your sister. When she sees you going to this effort, maybe she will realize how much it does in fact mean to you and agree to a trade. If not, you will still have a beautiful copy. Anyway, that's what I would do.

At this point would the ring represent any good memories of her Grandmother? Or would the OP look at the ring and think of how her mother gave it to her sister and expected her to pay for any other family heirlooms from the Grandma?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should have an honest conversation with your sister and see what kind of trade you can make. If that doesn't work, ask if you can borrow the ring to give to a jeweler to make a copy for yourself. Or take very good photos of it, from every angle, right in front of your sister. When she sees you going to this effort, maybe she will realize how much it does in fact mean to you and agree to a trade. If not, you will still have a beautiful copy. Anyway, that's what I would do.

I'll bet the sister refuses to do this. Both the sister and the mother are doing this out of spite. OP should drop the subject and move on.

[Anonymous]

Grandma's ring passed down to the OP's mom and the OP's mom decided to gift it to the sister. I'm not sure why it would have been fairer for mom to give it to the OP - just because you WANT something does not mean it is owed to you. Maybe the OP's sister wanted it to. The important thing is that it has stayed in the family.

The one thing you can be certain of is that Grandma would not have wanted her precious grandkids to be fighting over her ring...I'll bet she would have thrown it away rather than see them fight.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should have an honest conversation with your sister and see what kind of trade you can make. If that doesn't work, ask if you can borrow the ring to give to a jeweler to make a copy for yourself. Or take very good photos of it, from every angle, right in front of your sister. When she sees you going to this effort, maybe she will realize how much it does in fact mean to you and agree to a trade. If not, you will still have a beautiful copy. Anyway, that's what I would do.

At this point would the ring represent any good memories of her Grandmother? Or would the OP look at the ring and think of how her mother gave it to her sister and expected her to pay for any other family heirlooms from the Grandma?

It was my advice you quoted. She's either going to get the real ring or she isn't. She's not going to get half of it, and it is the only thing she said she wanted. To me even if she got the real ring from her sister, it will always carry the stain of this incident. So what difference does it make? Can't you argue that the ring will always remind her of this ugly incident - whether she sees it on her sister's hand, whether she wears the real one, or wears the replica? If she has a replica made, then she at least has something to pass to her own daughters and could make more than one if she has more daughters! She could even make one for her sister as a gesture of appreciation if she gets the real thing.

[Anonymous]

I think it's so sad that your mom wanted to charge you for your grandmother's jewelry while giving your sister the ring. Honestly, you really need to reconsider supporting your mother. And maybe buy whatever jewelry your mom is selling then let her know that because you had to buy it, you won't be able to help support her.

Also, if both you and your sister are lawyers, why are you so much richer than she?

[Anonymous]

Two sisters, one ring....that is the problem. And mom (the owner of Grandma's ring) decided which sister should receive the ring. End of story. Or at least it should be!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Two sisters, one ring....that is the problem. And mom (the owner of Grandma's ring) decided which sister should receive the ring. End of story. Or at least it should be!

But it's not the end of story. Thw mother expects long term financial support from the other daughter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two sisters, one ring....that is the problem. And mom (the owner of Grandma's ring) decided which sister should receive the ring. End of story. Or at least it should be!

But it's not the end of story. Thw mother expects long term financial support from the other daughter.

So the daughter would be cool supporting her mother long term if she had received the ring instead of her sister? You believe that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two sisters, one ring....that is the problem. And mom (the owner of Grandma's ring) decided which sister should receive the ring. End of story. Or at least it should be!

But it's not the end of story. Thw mother expects long term financial support from the other daughter.

So the daughter would be cool supporting her mother long term if she had received the ring instead of her sister? You believe that?

The daughter appears to be cool with it either way. Her mom sucks for expecting it and giving the ring given all the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Two sisters, one ring....that is the problem. And mom (the owner of Grandma's ring) decided which sister should receive the ring. End of story. Or at least it should be!

But it's not the end of story. Thw mother expects long term financial support from the other daughter.

So the daughter would be cool supporting her mother long term if she had received the ring instead of her sister? You believe that?

The daughter appears to be cool with it either way. Her mom sucks for expecting it and giving the ring given all the circumstances.

I don't agree that the mom did anything wrong. It seems that the OP believes that she is more entitled to the family heirlooms than a less well off sibling because when the time comes for Mom to need some financial assistance, the OP will be the one (mostly) footing the bill. So in the OP's mind she gets first dibs on the family loot because she is more deserving of it.

So Mom's reaction is....well, o.k., fine. If you want to make this ALL about money, we'll make this ALL about money and see how you like it. And the OP does not like it, in fact she feels hurt, which is understandable. I may be wrong, but I think that Mom is trying to make the OP understand how her attitude (I'm more deserving because I have more money) is making her sister feel. Mom would rather have the OP mad at her than to see her girls at odds with each other.....

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think you should have an honest conversation with your sister and see what kind of trade you can make. If that doesn't work, ask if you can borrow the ring to give to a jeweler to make a copy for yourself. Or take very good photos of it, from every angle, right in front of your sister. When she sees you going to this effort, maybe she will realize how much it does in fact mean to you and agree to a trade. If not, you will still have a beautiful copy. Anyway, that's what I would do.

At this point would the ring represent any good memories of her Grandmother? Or would the OP look at the ring and think of how her mother gave it to her sister and expected her to pay for any other family heirlooms from the Grandma?

It was my advice you quoted. She's either going to get the real ring or she isn't. She's not going to get half of it, and it is the only thing she said she wanted. To me even if she got the real ring from her sister, it will always carry the stain of this incident. So what difference does it make? Can't you argue that the ring will always remind her of this ugly incident - whether she sees it on her sister's hand, whether she wears the real one, or wears the replica? If she has a replica made, then she at least has something to pass to her own daughters and could make more than one if she has more daughters! She could even make one for her sister as a gesture of appreciation if she gets the real thing.

The ring would tend to remind me of the incident.

[Anonymous]

If I were in the Mom's shoes I might be tempted to just take all of the heirlooms and sell them to the highest bidder. And then I'd use the money to support myself for as l-o-n-g as I possibly could in the hopes that I would NEVER need help from any of my children. Of course that would be a shame because those heirlooms have a value to family that goes beyond mere $$$.