SIL jealous of pregnancy
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Anonymous
That explains it. You admit that you aren't always a great friend. So you understand being dropped as a friend. I would never expect someone struggling with infertility to attend a baby shower. That is insane. And who the hell would talk about pregnancy to a friend you know is raw about infertility? But to say at least that she needs time is a basic courtesy. Basic courtesy isn't pushing; it's the bare minimum required by etiquette. And for those who think I don't have any clue about this: I had a late miscarriage (I was 14+ weeks) two weeks before hosting a baby shower for a friend. Was it easy? Nope, but I managed to be there for my friend, and everyone had a great time at her shower. It is possible to sincerely celebrate the good fortune of others, you know. |
Anonymous
| OP, I have news for you: Your SIL can't stand you. |
Anonymous
| OP, don't expect so much from your SIL. Unfortunately she is not capable. I do also want to say that infertility is not an excuse to be rude and your SIL was probably a rude person before infertility struck. I write this as an IVF patient who suffered greatly but chose to buck up and be gracious to expecting friends and family. It was not always easy but I am so proud of the way I conducted myself. I understand not everyone can do that and I agree OP is best served to drop the matter but I think SIL needs to get a bit of a grip too. |
Anonymous
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OP, I understand where you are coming from. I think you did try to tell your brother and SIL in a sensitive way.
I don't think the OP is expecting the SIL to be elated for her, but a simple acknowledgment is certainly called for. How are they going to treat this child, who will be their niece/nephew on it is born? Be bitter and ignore it? IF is a special kind of pain, I struggled with it and RPL for 4 years. It is heartbreaking I know, but the reality is that other women will still get pregnant and babies will still be born. Maybe I handled it differently than others, but I never felt unable to congratulate another woman on her pregnancy. I never felt anyone was rubbing their fertility in my face anymore than I feel people rub their mobility in my face when I am in my wheelchair. Give the OP a break, Congratulations on your pregnancy OP! |
Anonymous
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I doubt a congratulations from the SIL would placate the OP. Her brother was told and OP categorized his response as less than stellar. There are people out there who will never be pleased. I also suspect the brother and SIL indifference has less to do with infertility, and more to do with the long standing rift OP hinted at.
Playing Devil's advocate, perhaps the brother was offended that his own sister did not make the announcement to him, but rather let her husband do it. And maybe the SIL felt that if they couldn't tell her themselves, her husband's congratulations were enough. Maybe this entire family is filled to the brim with hypersensitive individuals. |
Anonymous
I agree with this 100%. Just because someone is going through infertility doesn't raise them to some sort of superhuman status, where everyone else should be tiptoeing around them and be understanding when they can't even muster up common courtesy which would be expected in other situations. And when the SIL announces her pregnancy eventually, should OP be super enthusiastic with her congratulations then, when SIL ignored her pregnancy? I don't think so. OP should show the same level of enthusiasm to SIL that SIL showed to her--i.e. none. |
Anonymous
that is just immature and lacks so much insight it is unreal |
Anonymous
+100 Some people get things that others dream about all the time. So nobody is ever supposed to mention their successes? My parents died when I was young. Everyne I know references their living parents, great times they had dying holidays etc. all the time. Are they all supposed to shut up? Am I justified in ignoring them? This is going beyond ridiculous. Yes, IF couples in fact have an obligation to follow ordinary rules of decency just like everyone else. |
Anonymous
I agree. Back off. It is not about you, not at all. My BFF from childhood married in her 40s and she and her DH could not have children. She and I are Facebook friends and she comments and "likes" practically everything I post, *except* stuff about my kids. She ignores that they exist. And she never, ever asks about them. At first it bothered me, but no longer. It is not about my kids and me; it is about her. I have not walked in her shoes and have no idea what it feels like to her to see my kids' photos. If refraining from commenting helps her to cope, well, then that's what she should do. |
Anonymous
But it's not only about her. Relatuinships are about both, and the fact she behaves like it is her alone is, at the very least rude. She is supposed to suck it up, just like sick people suck it up that others are healthy, unemployed that others have careers, fat that others are thin etc etc etc. Why is IF so special? Since when is jealousy such a respectable attitude? |
Anonymous
It's not jealousy Einstein -- it is pain |
Anonymous
| OP, sorry to see you get e-jumped. This topic can really bring out the crazy in some people. If your SIL is like some of the posters in this thread, it's probably best you don't hear from her anytime soon. |
Anonymous
If its pain, then why does it matter whether someone else is pregnant? If somebody lost an arm, still people would expect them to congratulate pregnancy. No, it's not pain, it's jelaousy, plain and simple. Yet everybody is supposed to play along. Next thing you know, pregnant women will have to apologize to everyone unhappy with their own number od children. |
Anonymous
+1 |
Anonymous
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I'm betting OP contributed plenty to get the icy non-response.
If OP were into being the bigger person, she wouldn't have bothered posting here, and she would have just ignored the behavior. |