SIL jealous of pregnancy

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm tired of this notion that pregnant women are supposed to be worshiped and everyone has to fuss over them.
...

I was pregnant and had a miscarriage. ...
I lost the baby, and I still didn't tell her about it, because I didn't want her to relive all of her pain from the years of trying.

People have to remember that aside from the grandparents-to-be, no one is going to care as much about your pregnancy and baby as you and your husband. .....

It's all part of the narcissism of our culture. Getting married, getting pregnant, these aren't "accomplishments." ......

....
Now I have a relative who is pregnant and has made it a point to constantly update me on every aspect of her pregnancy and how wonderful it is to experience the baby moving, on and on.

Being pregnant isn't an excuse to be selfish, narcissistic and unkind.
..........
Maybe if all people regarded pregnancy in this way, we wouldn't have so many spoiled and entitled children who grow up to be spoiled and entitled and self-centered adults.

Flame away, people!

OK, I will flame
It is good manners to be nice to people, and that includes being nice to old people and pregnant people. Mothers are valuable members of society
If you decide to not tell your sister of your pregnancy and miscarriage then you simply are not close and never were. You are just distant
You are right, nobody cares, and that is why our society is full of selfish, narcissistic and unkind people
If you have a relative who is telling you about the details of her life and you this is wrong, then by all means go and tell her. I suppose she just assumed you were a friend for some strange reason

Spoiled and entitled self centred adults are not the fault of pregnant mothers. Find someone else to blame

Totally NP, who's both had one healthy pregnancy and had 4 miscarriages (one in 2nd term). You PP are making ridiculous assumptions and your post makes no sense. The fact that you can't comprehend that a sister who actually IS close to her sister might want to be considerate and wait until getting to the 2nd trimester to tell her if the other sister just had a miscarriage... that shows that you have some bizarre perception where on the one hand you think people should be less selfish and more kind, but on the other you are comfortable making absurd assumptions and judgements and being a total b**** about it.

It is a crazy world.

I truly believe

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm tired of this notion that pregnant women are supposed to be worshiped and everyone has to fuss over them.
...

I was pregnant and had a miscarriage. ...
I lost the baby, and I still didn't tell her about it, because I didn't want her to relive all of her pain from the years of trying.

People have to remember that aside from the grandparents-to-be, no one is going to care as much about your pregnancy and baby as you and your husband. .....

It's all part of the narcissism of our culture. Getting married, getting pregnant, these aren't "accomplishments." ......

....
Now I have a relative who is pregnant and has made it a point to constantly update me on every aspect of her pregnancy and how wonderful it is to experience the baby moving, on and on.

Being pregnant isn't an excuse to be selfish, narcissistic and unkind.
..........
Maybe if all people regarded pregnancy in this way, we wouldn't have so many spoiled and entitled children who grow up to be spoiled and entitled and self-centered adults.

Flame away, people!

OK, I will flame
It is good manners to be nice to people, and that includes being nice to old people and pregnant people. Mothers are valuable members of society
If you decide to not tell your sister of your pregnancy and miscarriage then you simply are not close and never were. You are just distant
You are right, nobody cares, and that is why our society is full of selfish, narcissistic and unkind people
If you have a relative who is telling you about the details of her life and you this is wrong, then by all means go and tell her. I suppose she just assumed you were a friend for some strange reason

Spoiled and entitled self centred adults are not the fault of pregnant mothers. Find someone else to blame

Totally NP, who's both had one healthy pregnancy and had 4 miscarriages (one in 2nd term). You PP are making ridiculous assumptions and your post makes no sense. The fact that you can't comprehend that a sister who actually IS close to her sister might want to be considerate and wait until getting to the 2nd trimester to tell her if the other sister just had a miscarriage... that shows that you have some bizarre perception where on the one hand you think people should be less selfish and more kind, but on the other you are comfortable making absurd assumptions and judgements and being a total b**** about it.

It is a crazy world.

I truly believe

Ooops, got cut off...

I truly believe that the best any one of us can do is proceed with the best possible intentions. Honestly, I don't understand how filling a childless person or person struggling with infertility in on every detail of your own pregancy is with best intentions. At best it is not being considerate at all and is a bit thoughtless... at worst it's rubbing salt in the wound, maybe subconsciously, maybe consciously. But whether you tell or don't tell, if you're making your choice because you are trying to consider the other person's situation, then let the chips fall where they may. You tried to be nice, but if it's taken badly, apologize, tell them what your sincere thoughts were about it, and if they can't get over it, you just have to go on wit your life.

I have been hurt or offended many times by things people have done, but whenever they explain their actions and it sounds like they sincerely didn't intend to hurt or really were trying to help, I try to get over my hurt really fast. And I'm grateful that they tried to be considerate.

As far as OP's situation goes, I think she's being selfish and obnoxious, and I think she should focus on her blessings and focus on whatever was good with her SIL before the pregnancy and just move on. Parenting and being a partner are just way too consuming to waste energy worrying about whether someone else has paid you the "right' amount of attention to your pregnancy. Look for a pregnant friend or post ont he pregnancy message boards and talk as much as you like about your pregnancy. But don't expect everyone to drop everything and wiggle with joy for you. That is ridiculous.

[Anonymous]

OP here. Just wanted to update on the situation. Our child is now one year old. SIL and BIL visited us and the baby once for a few hours when he was 2 months old, and we have not seen them since. They have never once asked about him when talking on the phone/through email. On the phone they never say, how is your baby doing? or what's new with the baby? They have no interest in seeing us again or spending holidays with us.

They are still dealing with infertility. I thought that after our baby was born they would be interested in a relationship with us again but it appears that they are not.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just wanted to update on the situation. Our child is now one year old. SIL and BIL visited us and the baby once for a few hours when he was 2 months old, and we have not seen them since. They have never once asked about him when talking on the phone/through email. On the phone they never say, how is your baby doing? or what's new with the baby? They have no interest in seeing us again or spending holidays with us.

They are still dealing with infertility. I thought that after our baby was born they would be interested in a relationship with us again but it appears that they are not.

Maybe they just don't like you...... You sound a little full of yourself to post about the issue AGAIN on an old thread. It also sounds like you are the type of person who would only talk about your child around them to prove a point. People have kids all the time, get over yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just wanted to update on the situation. Our child is now one year old. SIL and BIL visited us and the baby once for a few hours when he was 2 months old, and we have not seen them since. They have never once asked about him when talking on the phone/through email. On the phone they never say, how is your baby doing? or what's new with the baby? They have no interest in seeing us again or spending holidays with us.

They are still dealing with infertility. I thought that after our baby was born they would be interested in a relationship with us again but it appears that they are not.

So they're going on four years of infertility struggles, and you still can't muster any compassion or understanding for them? You sound very cold-hearted. And I say that as someone who hasn't experienced infertility, so I have no personal stake in advocating for those who do.

[Anonymous]

OP- be compasdionate and sympathetic. That is my advice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just wanted to update on the situation. Our child is now one year old. SIL and BIL visited us and the baby once for a few hours when he was 2 months old, and we have not seen them since. They have never once asked about him when talking on the phone/through email. On the phone they never say, how is your baby doing? or what's new with the baby? They have no interest in seeing us again or spending holidays with us.

They are still dealing with infertility. I thought that after our baby was born they would be interested in a relationship with us again but it appears that they are not.

Take that as an indication of how deep seeded their pain is. You sound awful to deal with, like someone that just wants to make points.

[Anonymous]

Or maybe it has nothing to do with the new baby and is more a reflection on the fact that they just don't like you, OP or your DH. You seem pretty obviously self centered and that probably didn't start with your pregnancy. I suspect it was evident through your engagement, wedding, house hunting, job hunting, vacation planning, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Get over yourself

+1 Really. Stop trying to insert yourself into their feelings. You let them know. How they respond is their business.

Back off.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: You seem pretty obviously self centered and that probably didn't start with your pregnancy.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just wanted to update on the situation. Our child is now one year old. SIL and BIL visited us and the baby once for a few hours when he was 2 months old, and we have not seen them since. They have never once asked about him when talking on the phone/through email. On the phone they never say, how is your baby doing? or what's new with the baby? They have no interest in seeing us again or spending holidays with us.

They are still dealing with infertility. I thought that after our baby was born they would be interested in a relationship with us again but it appears that they are not.

Oh jesus op. Not evetything is about you. They pribably just have trouble relating to you, especually if you are making the baby as big of a deal in real life as you are on here. Maybe they even feel like you are flaunting it in their faces that you got pregnant but they can't. Infertility is painful op.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just wanted to update on the situation. Our child is now one year old. SIL and BIL visited us and the baby once for a few hours when he was 2 months old, and we have not seen them since. They have never once asked about him when talking on the phone/through email. On the phone they never say, how is your baby doing? or what's new with the baby? They have no interest in seeing us again or spending holidays with us.

They are still dealing with infertility. I thought that after our baby was born they would be interested in a relationship with us again but it appears that they are not.

Maybe they just don't like you...... You sound a little full of yourself to post about the issue AGAIN on an old thread. It also sounds like you are the type of person who would only talk about your child around them to prove a point. People have kids all the time, get over yourself.

I had a miscarriage. My SIL had a baby. I don't like spending time with her. It has nothing to do with the baby. We weren't close before. She is rude. If anything, getting pregnant and having a child has made her even more entitled and self-centered. She has no interest in me or my husband or our interests or likes. She literally just wants us to fawn over her baby and worship her motherhood. So I've checked out. I'm polite and I attend family events, but I don't go out of my way to show an interest in her life because I think she's kind of toxic (she always manages to say things that are half compliment/half insult type things) and I'm done with her.

I'm sure she tells herself that it's because I'm jealous. But I'm not jealous of her (for many reasons, I would not want her life, and my husband and I have kind of decided we might not even want to have children anyway). It's because I don't like her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just wanted to update on the situation. Our child is now one year old. SIL and BIL visited us and the baby once for a few hours when he was 2 months old, and we have not seen them since. They have never once asked about him when talking on the phone/through email. On the phone they never say, how is your baby doing? or what's new with the baby? They have no interest in seeing us again or spending holidays with us.

They are still dealing with infertility. I thought that after our baby was born they would be interested in a relationship with us again but it appears that they are not.

Maybe they just don't like you...... You sound a little full of yourself to post about the issue AGAIN on an old thread. It also sounds like you are the type of person who would only talk about your child around them to prove a point. People have kids all the time, get over yourself.

I had a miscarriage. My SIL had a baby. I don't like spending time with her. It has nothing to do with the baby. We weren't close before. She is rude. If anything, getting pregnant and having a child has made her even more entitled and self-centered. She has no interest in me or my husband or our interests or likes. She literally just wants us to fawn over her baby and worship her motherhood. So I've checked out. I'm polite and I attend family events, but I don't go out of my way to show an interest in her life because I think she's kind of toxic (she always manages to say things that are half compliment/half insult type things) and I'm done with her.

I'm sure she tells herself that it's because I'm jealous. But I'm not jealous of her (for many reasons, I would not want her life, and my husband and I have kind of decided we might not even want to have children anyway). It's because I don't like her.

You would do the same thing if you were a mother. Promise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Just wanted to update on the situation. Our child is now one year old. SIL and BIL visited us and the baby once for a few hours when he was 2 months old, and we have not seen them since. They have never once asked about him when talking on the phone/through email. On the phone they never say, how is your baby doing? or what's new with the baby? They have no interest in seeing us again or spending holidays with us.

They are still dealing with infertility. I thought that after our baby was born they would be interested in a relationship with us again but it appears that they are not.

Maybe they just don't like you...... You sound a little full of yourself to post about the issue AGAIN on an old thread. It also sounds like you are the type of person who would only talk about your child around them to prove a point. People have kids all the time, get over yourself.

I had a miscarriage. My SIL had a baby. I don't like spending time with her. It has nothing to do with the baby. We weren't close before. She is rude. If anything, getting pregnant and having a child has made her even more entitled and self-centered. She has no interest in me or my husband or our interests or likes. She literally just wants us to fawn over her baby and worship her motherhood. So I've checked out. I'm polite and I attend family events, but I don't go out of my way to show an interest in her life because I think she's kind of toxic (she always manages to say things that are half compliment/half insult type things) and I'm done with her.

I'm sure she tells herself that it's because I'm jealous. But I'm not jealous of her (for many reasons, I would not want her life, and my husband and I have kind of decided we might not even want to have children anyway). It's because I don't like her.

You would do the same thing if you were a mother. Promise.

No, not every mother looks for people to fawn all over their children and their motherhood. Some of us, when given the opportunity to interact with other adults socially, would like to focus on anything but kids.

[Anonymous]

OP, you and your child are not at the center of everyone's universe. Get over yourself.