SIL jealous of pregnancy
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Anonymous
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I am currently pregnant with our first. My sister in law (my brother's wife) has been struggling with infertility for 2 years, and they do not have any children. I knew they had been struggling, and we were sensitive about our announcement to them. However, since then, they have never brought up our pregnancy and the SIL never acknowledged it (either with a phone call or with an email). When we told my brother, my SIL was not home at the time. I assumed he would tell her and later she would give us a call or send an email at the very least, but she never did either of those things. When we told my brother about the pregnancy (we waited until beginning of second trimester), he was very unenthused and acted very disinterested.
Not sure how to handle this given that our pregnancy announcement seems to have caused a further rift in the relationship with my brother and SIL. |
Anonymous
| Do not take it personally, and follow their lead (e.g. they need space.) That is my opinion. I struggled w/ infertility as a single woman, so perhaps that is why I am compassionate towards them. Congratulations on your pregnancy! |
Anonymous
OP here. I guess I feel that SIL should pretend to be happy for us, and give us a quick call or send an email. That just seems like proper manners. To ignore close kin's pregnancy just seems really odd and ridiculous to me. |
Anonymous
| Stop judging her, OP. You know what she's going through. Show some compassion. |
Anonymous
| Get over yourself |
Anonymous
| Try not to judge, OP. My SIL has been struggling with infertility for 10 years, and I was unable to get pregnant for three years, but since have been pregnant twice. She has been pretty gracious but we are not close and I try not to expect anything from her. Just try to put yourself in her shoes. They will love their little niece/nephew, just give them space. |
Anonymous
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OP-- you really need to dial it back. You named this thread "SIL Jealous of Pregnancy." That's mighty presumptuous of you. Then you write that you were expecting a phone call or email. And then your brother didn't give the excited reaction you were hoping for. Guess what---NOT EVERYTHING IS ABOUT YOU AND YOUR PREGNANCY!
Infertility is a pain that you would not wish on your worst enemy. Please don't be one of those people that acknowledges it, but then expects folks going through it to rally some excitement just for you. It doesn't work like that. Your brother and SIL want nothing more than to make that phone call announcing their pregnancy. Every month they wait and pray for that moment. Month after month they are crushed with that blank pregnancy test. Back off. They'll contact you when they're ready. |
Anonymous
+1 Seriously. If you didn't know about their issues, it would be normal to wonder what's up. But you DO know. Let it go and give them the space they want. Surely you've received plenty of congratulations. Stop keeping score. |
Anonymous
Ridiculous??? Proper manners??? You are one jack ass OP. Are you 12 years old? On behalf of anyone who has gone through infertility, including your SIL and brother, please go to hell. |
Anonymous
This. I notice also you reference a "further rift" with your bro/SIL. Obviously this woman is not a huge fan of yours even before the pregnancy. Don't make it any worse by harping on this. |
Anonymous
| Think about it this way OP. You and your DH have enough excitement about your baby for the both of you. Why do you need validation from your SIL when you know they are struggling with intertiity? Just let it go. |
Anonymous
You might not know this if you have not gone through infertility but to actually ignore you and avoid the situation is most likely an extremely generous move on her part. I am sure she would LIKE to be happy and exuberant for you, but sometimes even doing the absolute minimum is really as far as you can stretch. I am sure that when she has resolved her own issues (or moved ahead somehow) she will be back in your lives. Just remember she is your family now and family relationships (in particular siblings) go through all kinds of ups and downs and you have to ride out the bad phases til you get to the good ones. My brother completely ignored me and rarely spoke to me in his twenties and now we are very close. |
Anonymous
I agree with this completely. And SIL probably feels like a total heel for not being able to muster up the support and encouragement you want. I would guess she WANTS to be happy for you. Give her time. Lots of time. And even if she never gives you what you are expecting, let it go. |
Anonymous
| Imagine if you could never have a child or enjoy all of the joy you are currently experiencing and will continue to. That is the shitty day to day reality of IF -- the children you have dreamed of may never happen for you but everyone else seems to have their families. |
Anonymous
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Do you know your SIL even was informed about your pregnancy?
My husband frequently forgets to tell me things he was told about his family....for weeks and even months. Pregnancy is not important to men. I doubt it stayed in his mind for more than five minutes. Until you know for a fact she chose purposely to ignore your pregnancy, stop assuming. |