Long term unemployed husband

[Anonymous]

Divorce the guy!!! It is that simple. Yes, my wife has understood from day one that she needs to work. She was laid off several years ago thru no fault of hers, took 18 months to find a new great job at 75% previous pay, and much enjoys the new place. I will say that I did lose some respect for her, not because of the layoff but because she probably could have found something sooner if she had really tried. Unemployment in this area has been reasonably low for years. She found a decent job, with no more than an unrelated BA from a third rate college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce the guy!!! It is that simple. Yes, my wife has understood from day one that she needs to work. She was laid off several years ago thru no fault of hers, took 18 months to find a new great job at 75% previous pay, and much enjoys the new place. I will say that I did lose some respect for her, not because of the layoff but because she probably could have found something sooner if she had really tried. Unemployment in this area has been reasonably low for years. She found a decent job, with no more than an unrelated BA from a third rate college.

The love just oozes out of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I can't even begin to tell people the emotions that I have gone thru being long term unemployed. It's been the death of my soul.
My wife has been supportive but I also know how little she thinks of me because of it. All her friends have husbands to brag about. I OTOH am hopelessly worthless.
There are so many reasons for why I am this way. It was a perfect storm that I didn't see coming.

Keep your chin up my good man. As my father taught me - and he was a child of the depression - tough times don't last tough people do. Never stop believing in yourself. Never. And as my eldest brother likes to tell me during tough times - don't let the bastards get you down. As for wife, demonstrate fortitude - so few people today have it - to be that shows the real character of a man.

And remember luck is where preparedness and opportunity meet so you make your own luck in life. Get in the morning, every morning, dust your self off, put on your flak jacket and go do battle.

God bless you.

Agree. Would you please pound this into my soon to be ex? He is an entitled, lazy bum who can't keep a job for more than a year despite his advanced degrees and a decent job market. He blames everyone and everything else if something doesn't go his way. He stopped taking personal responsibility for his actions years ago. As my mom always told me, people do what they want to do. Actions, not words. Hence the split.

[Anonymous]

It seems like he's happy being a SAHD. You've been doing it for 3 yrs on your income alone. I would talk to him about getting a FT or PT job when the kid goes to K. It's really difficult to job search when caring for kids/home all day. He may be overwhelmed by the day to day tasks like running errands, kid activities, cleaning. It easy to put something like job searching on the back burner when you have more pressing daily living tasks.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I saw a Dr. Phil show about a husband who had been out of work for awhile. He had been making good money as some sort of executive but lost his job. He couldn't face reality and kept saying he wanted to get on the fast track to the type of job he had had. Meanwhile, he and his wife lost their mansion and luxury cars and moved into a motel. She took a job as a waitress and he would stay at the motel and apply for jobs online. His wife would try to help him get jobs, like at Target? and he would maybe show up for one day and then not go back. He felt those jobs were beneath him. They were on the show because his wife was fed up and was ready to walk. But he had no idea. Don't know if the following article is about them but it might be.

http://www.drphil.com/articles/article/622

I thought that was a made-for-TV movie on the Christian channel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound a little self-centered. It seems he'd work if a good opportunity came along.

Signed,

DH


(But seriously, most adults HAVE to work, and not just when the right opportunity comes along. Grow up.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Divorce the guy!!! It is that simple. Yes, my wife has understood from day one that she needs to work. She was laid off several years ago thru no fault of hers, took 18 months to find a new great job at 75% previous pay, and much enjoys the new place. I will say that I did lose some respect for her, not because of the layoff but because she probably could have found something sooner if she had really tried. Unemployment in this area has been reasonably low for years. She found a decent job, with no more than an unrelated BA from a third rate college.

Passive aggressive much?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:
I can't even begin to tell people the emotions that I have gone thru being long term unemployed. It's been the death of my soul.
My wife has been supportive but I also know how little she thinks of me because of it. All her friends have husbands to brag about. I OTOH am hopelessly worthless.
There are so many reasons for why I am this way. It was a perfect storm that I didn't see coming.

Keep your chin up my good man. As my father taught me - and he was a child of the depression - tough times don't last tough people do. Never stop believing in yourself. Never. And as my eldest brother likes to tell me during tough times - don't let the bastards get you down. As for wife, demonstrate fortitude - so few people today have it - to be that shows the real character of a man.

And remember luck is where preparedness and opportunity meet so you make your own luck in life. Get in the morning, every morning, dust your self off, put on your flak jacket and go do battle.

God bless you.

Agree. Would you please pound this into my soon to be ex? He is an entitled, lazy bum who can't keep a job for more than a year despite his advanced degrees and a decent job market. He blames everyone and everything else if something doesn't go his way. He stopped taking personal responsibility for his actions years ago. As my mom always told me, people do what they want to do. Actions, not words. Hence the split.

Wow, this sounds tough. Why can't he keep a job? Do you have kids? I wish you luck!

[Anonymous]

This was an old thread rehashed but to the new poster who bumped it, I say go for having a baby if you want one at 38 years old. With or without him.

My spouse was just like the spuse of the OP of this thread. Used to make over $250k per year until he lost his job in a dying industry. I was the sole breadwinner for far too long because he couldnn't accept a job beneath him. Thank god -- he now has a government job in a related field, making barely $100k. In my book this is great money and stbility -- so much better for our child and relieves the tight financial pressure on me as sole breadwinner. It took two years for him to see things this way.

These are the concrete steps I took, that I think helped:
-Make him go to your county's employmeny center. He thought it was beneath him at first but the groups helped him - he observed others who found work, and those who didn't bc theyd only accept a certain job.

-Find other friends in the dying industry who have made a shift to a job. It helped him to know that former colleagues were now accepting lower paid jobs, including of the type he has now. Others are SAHM not by choice. Few have landed jobs at their former level of compensation.

-Be kind, exploding in anger does nothimg to help though I did it lots - couldn't help it. Pray to god.

All the best to you. To the 38 yo poster, go for having a baby!!

[Anonymous]

38yo, have the damn baby with your hubby. You will be bitter otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Have the baby. You're no spring chicken. This may be your last chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op again,

Well Father's day started out OK, then turned into an all out blow out argument. Somehow it was my fault that our child was throwing tantrums and not going to bed.

Ummm . . . there's more going on here than being out of work. You need couples counseling.

[Anonymous]

OP Unfortunately this is a new trend in our society. The jobs that matter are often tailored to the skills women possess. There is a reason so many young men live in their mom's basements. They can't get the type of entry level jobs that propel them into a career that will help with a family's financial support.

Women who marry now realize that they have a high chance of a man who will have periods of unemployment while they will likely be more desirable in the marketplace and be fully employed.

It is an interesting social phenomenon that will affect many aspect of life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP Unfortunately this is a new trend in our society. The jobs that matter are often tailored to the skills women possess. There is a reason so many young men live in their mom's basements. They can't get the type of entry level jobs that propel them into a career that will help with a family's financial support.

Women who marry now realize that they have a high chance of a man who will have periods of unemployment while they will likely be more desirable in the marketplace and be fully employed.

It is an interesting social phenomenon that will affect many aspect of life.

Not OP, but this is interesting yet makes NO sense to me: what "skills" do men not possess and women do, that make women so much more marketable these days? Seems like the fields that are still exploding with opportunity (technology, engineering off the top of my head) are still mostly male-dominated. But even in all the hundreds of other fields, what are these skills that are possessed more by women and that men are lacking so much it's leading to not being able to get entry level jobs??

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This was an old thread rehashed but to the new poster who bumped it, I say go for having a baby if you want one at 38 years old. With or without him.

My spouse was just like the spuse of the OP of this thread. Used to make over $250k per year until he lost his job in a dying industry. I was the sole breadwinner for far too long because he couldnn't accept a job beneath him. Thank god -- he now has a government job in a related field, making barely $100k. In my book this is great money and stbility -- so much better for our child and relieves the tight financial pressure on me as sole breadwinner. It took two years for him to see things this way.

These are the concrete steps I took, that I think helped:
-Make him go to your county's employmeny center. He thought it was beneath him at first but the groups helped him - he observed others who found work, and those who didn't bc theyd only accept a certain job.

-Find other friends in the dying industry who have made a shift to a job. It helped him to know that former colleagues were now accepting lower paid jobs, including of the type he has now. Others are SAHM not by choice. Few have landed jobs at their former level of compensation.

-Be kind, exploding in anger does nothimg to help though I did it lots - couldn't help it. Pray to god.

All the best to you. To the 38 yo poster, go for having a baby!!

You sound like a real peach. I can feel the contempt oozing out of each sentence. What made you choose a loser like your husband?