Mommy school drama, how to deal
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Anonymous
This! |
Anonymous
My guess too! This happens with the cliques there every so often. If it is, OP, go to Lafayette, its not perfect but the parent community is night and day. |
Anonymous
| I have this experience at a MoCo public! |
Anonymous
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OP, I am sorry you are going through this. Doesn't dc's school have any kind of policy in place regarding birthday parties? At our school, you can't exclude just a couple of kids. Either you invite just a couple, or the whole class, or all the boys/girls. If there is such a policy and the moms haven't complied, I'd raise it with the school. It's not about you, it's about your child.
Also, I'd consider switching schools. Of course, your dc's education is the top concern, but the social dynamics are affecting them, and the social component is a huge part of school. Finally, I get your approach of turning the other cheek, but the fact is that "bullies" will often just be meaner in this kind of situation. If there is a specific mom who has excluded your dc, I would confront her. Be firm and direct, but calm. And tell her that it really doesn't matter how she feels about you, but you do not appreciate your child being excluded. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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I think it happens more often at religious schools. We're Jewish and I could not get away from Jewish schooling fast enough. The moms were very gossipy and surprisingly cliquish. I get the sense since we were all the same religion they had higher expectations than if we were a diverse group. We're supposed to automatically be family-socialize together, gossip together, do favors, etc. There was more of a social hierarchy too. I am a free thinker and don't do well with the hive mentality.
Now our kids are at a very diverse school and it's such a better experience. I am friends with mothers of many faiths including my own. The moms are pleasant give or take some well-meaning mother who says something offensive. People are grateful if I do them a favor rather than expecting it. There are no birthday party politics so far. |
Anonymous
| One more thing-I would be careful confronting. I would continue to "kill with kindness" and ask if you've done anything to offend the person. I would not accuse anyone of excluding my kid, etc. Teachers miss a lot of social dynamics and for all you know your child who is a saint at home may be bullying or doing something else that hurts other kids feelings. Assume the person has the best intentions and isn't out to make you a social outcast. |
Anonymous
| Op here again, another mom confided in me that the same mother in question was rude to her and sent her a nasty email re her parenting, her child, etc and refuses to talk to her now. Her child was also excluded from parties, etc. so it seems like this wannabe queen be has bigger issues than I thought. It makes me sad that the other mother who is a friend has been the subject of bad gossip but in other ways it makes me feel better that perhaps this is not about me but more about the insecurity of someone else. |
Anonymous
This does not go on in MS and HS. By the time the kids get to this age, the Mom's have very little say as to who their kids friends are or who the child will invite to a party. Sometimes kids who were friends because of a Mom friendship don't stay friends. Some Mom's take offense to that and don't stay friends. You really start to see who are your true friends when this happen. |
Anonymous
| I have this experience at an upper NW DCPS. Queen bees are everywhere, especially SAHMs who spend a lot of time at school. |
Anonymous
Some of this happens at our MCPS elementary. What amazing me is that these women have so much time on their hands. They really need to get a hobby or find some other productive use of their time. |
Anonymous
| OP here, now I have a new dilemma, the queen bee wannabe is a "friend" of mine on FB, she friended me a long Time ago so I accepted, now I don't want to be friends anymore. she clearly doesn't like me, I don't like her, and I am not the kind of person with 500 fb friends, I like to keep it small. I am afraid if I "unfriend" her it adds more fuel to the fire. Maybe I wait until school is out. Thoughts? SOS |
Anonymous
| You are really over thinking this. And now I beginning to think you have made the whole thing up if you are worrying about unfriending someone on Facebook. |
Anonymous
+1. OP, if this is real, you are giving these people way too much importance. you have a life, you have friends, just take you kid to school and pick him up at the end of the day, just ignore people who do not deserve to be taken into consideration. the "queen bee" is openly mean and rude to you, may be spreading rumors about you and isolating your child, and you wonder whether unfriending her on Facebook is the right thing to do or whether it would make her angry? just stop being a dormat. this person is clearly not your friend, so if you unfriend her on Facebook she will know why. just leave these people to their own small world, you have already spent too much time on them. |
Anonymous
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Change your settings so your posts, pics, etc. aren't visible to her.
She may not notice if you unfriend her (especially if she's got tons of "friends") but she may- and that would complicate the issue further. Good luck. |
Anonymous
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@23:16 sadly there are too many parents like OP and they only add fuel to the Queen Bee's fire. Hard to believe there are adult women still behaving like they need to belong to a group, go to the cool kid's party and wringing their hands as to whether someone likes them.
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