Mommy school drama, how to deal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I honestly don't know what the drama is based on. A few months ago I notice some mothers were no longer friendly towards me, as in no return hellos at drop off, and I was like Ok, no big deal. And then another mother who is a friend of mine mentioned it seemed like a mom was very cold to me, what happened? And I couldn't think of anything, and was a bit relieved to have someone else recognize that, but then just let it go. It's school, I have a life outside of that. but then DC came home crying because of a few birthday parties that DC was invited to, and keeps asking can DC go over to other kids' houses instead of always having kids over here. And one of the fathers asked me at a cocktail party how my marriage was doing because he heard mine was in trouble (guy was drunk, but that was really random because our marriage is fine, I haven't said otherwise to anyone). I just go to school, take my kids, then pick them up when school is out. I am nice, keep my nose out of people's business.

The party convo you mentioned is weird. I would be angry, regardless if the father was drunk or not. It's uncalled for.

Maybe some crazy school parent thought that you were flirty with their man, and started gossiping about you. Maybe they are trying to give you a reputation because she is jealous.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God help me if I ever start excluding a child from birthday parties because I don't like something that their mom did. Some women just never outgrow middle school...very sad.

+100000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe some crazy school parent thought that you were flirty with their man, and started gossiping about you. Maybe they are trying to give you a reputation because she is jealous.

This would be my guess.

[Anonymous]

+1. Some bitch has thrown you under the bus...or your DH hit on one of the moms (thus the rumor about marriage trouble).

[Anonymous]

Depressed moms start sh*t for no reason, OP. Anyone knows this. You would be surprised to find that most people know what the real story is, and consider the source. Really, I would not worry about the troublemakers much. Stay away from them. They deserve no friends, and soon it will happen.

[Anonymous]

Could DH have done or said something inappropriate? Or be having an affair? Sorry to even throw it out but the "is your marriage in trouble" question is why I ask. That is so strange. I have too many friends who found out about an affair in a really horrible and public way. Hope I am TOTALLY off base here, btw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could DH have done or said something inappropriate? Or be having an affair? Sorry to even throw it out but the "is your marriage in trouble" question is why I ask. That is so strange. I have too many friends who found out about an affair in a really horrible and public way. Hope I am TOTALLY off base here, btw.

Jeez...I would hope that another mom's reaction to finding out that someone's husband was cheating wouldn't be to ostracize the person and start excluding her child from parties and playdates! If I had to guess, I would say that OP unknowingly offended someone, or one of the other moms is some nutball drama queen who just doesn't like her. Or possibly that OP said something about one of the other moms in front of her DC and the kid parroted it back while on a playdate? Totally guessing on that one, though.

[Anonymous]

OP here, thanks for all the responses. I cannot think of anything I have said or done to offend someone but perhaps I did unknowingly or my child did. My DH works long hours so he isn't around the school functions very much so I don't see how he could have had an interaction that raised eyebrows. I also don't think he is cheating. my children used to attend a Big 3 school but we switched schools last year for a variety of reasons and we never EVER had these issues at the Big 3.

[Anonymous]

I have to admit I am dying to know the school. If it is one that a child of mine goes to, I would go to bat for you and try to find what the heck was going on. I can actually imagine this might be one of my kid's schools. Some if the moms have wayyyyyy to much free time and money.

[Anonymous]

If there are a group of women, drama seems to be inevitable. I don't have any mommy school drama but there has been a lot of mommy drama in my mom's club. The queen bee of the group is very judgmental and talks about the other moms a lot. Several moms have left the group and I'm fairly certain the group will dissolve shortly. Queen Bee is actually this fat lady who is just way too confident (acts like a princess who never grew up). She isn't prettier, richer, doesn't have a better house or anything. She isn't better than anyone else in the group but she has the most time on her hands.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Could DH have done or said something inappropriate? Or be having an affair? Sorry to even throw it out but the "is your marriage in trouble" question is why I ask. That is so strange. I have too many friends who found out about an affair in a really horrible and public way. Hope I am TOTALLY off base here, btw.

I hate to say it, but this was my first thought too. If other moms know that something happened (or is happening), they might feel awkward around you and perhaps this is how their awkwardness is manifesting. It doesn't have to be an affair, your DH could have done or said something that some was perceived as strong flirting. It seems that the other man at the party was hinting at something like this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Could DH have done or said something inappropriate? Or be having an affair? Sorry to even throw it out but the "is your marriage in trouble" question is why I ask. That is so strange. I have too many friends who found out about an affair in a really horrible and public way. Hope I am TOTALLY off base here, btw.

I hate to say it, but this was my first thought too. If other moms know that something happened (or is happening), they might feel awkward around you and perhaps this is how their awkwardness is manifesting. It doesn't have to be an affair, your DH could have done or said something that some was perceived as strong flirting. It seems that the other man at the party was hinting at something like this.

I agree that your DH may be doing something shady that you may not know about. The world is small. It doesn't necessarily have to be flirting or an affair with someone at the school.

[Anonymous]

I would do your best to ignore these moms, even if that means that your children's social life is slightly impacted. Encourage relationships with other kids. Things will settle themselves much sooner if you ignore these rude moms rather than confront or worry about them. They will find someone else to go torment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, I honestly don't know what the drama is based on. A few months ago I notice some mothers were no longer friendly towards me, as in no return hellos at drop off, and I was like Ok, no big deal. And then another mother who is a friend of mine mentioned it seemed like a mom was very cold to me, what happened? And I couldn't think of anything, and was a bit relieved to have someone else recognize that, but then just let it go. It's school, I have a life outside of that. but then DC came home crying because of a few birthday parties that DC was invited to, and keeps asking can DC go over to other kids' houses instead of always having kids over here. And one of the fathers asked me at a cocktail party how my marriage was doing because he heard mine was in trouble (guy was drunk, but that was really random because our marriage is fine, I haven't said otherwise to anyone). I just go to school, take my kids, then pick them up when school is out. I am nice, keep my nose out of people's business.

In my social circle, I can't really imagine a situation in which someone would get sauced and ask spectacularly rude questions, and yet still be on the guest list for future functions. I also thought that most of these schools had rules about birthday party invitations that were supposed to prevent the exclusion of one or two kids. Are these other parents generally ethical in other ways?

[Anonymous]

Another thought-

are you prettier than the others? Do you have a "better" body? If one or more of the husbands made a positive comment about your appearance I can imagine that there would (unfairly) be hell to pay.

Good luck. It sucks that your child is being frozen out.