Mommy school drama, how to deal

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, now I have a new dilemma, the queen bee wannabe is a "friend" of mine on FB, she friended me a long Time ago so I accepted, now I don't want to be friends anymore. she clearly doesn't like me, I don't like her, and I am not the kind of person with 500 fb friends, I like to keep it small. I am afraid if I "unfriend" her it adds more fuel to the fire. Maybe I wait until school is out. Thoughts? SOS

She isn't your friend. Do you want her aware of what's happening in daily life? If you can't block what she can see then unfriend her. You know what she thinks of you. So why care what she thinks if you unfriend her?

[Anonymous]

OP again, thanks, I figured out how to block people and plan on unfriending as soon as school is out. I hesitated bc there are a few weeks left of school until early June and I just didn't want any more awkwardness for my child. Am I letting this get to me too much, absolutely, and I am now just over it and moving on. A friend made a great observation, I am a recent SAHM, doing part time contract work from home but for all purposes SAHm. However I still operated myself and treat people like I would in a professional setting, and probably all settings, polite, cordial, and helpful. I realized through working I am going to encounter tons of personality types, that's life, and we don't all have to be BFFs but we have to be in the same environment so what's the point of being rude or curt if someone rubs us wrong. Kind of management 101 I learned in business school. Also how my parents raised me. Whatever these women are tools, I am really starting not to care as long as DC is oblivious.

[Anonymous]

Do not apologize. Queen Bee's can make you feel bad because you are perceived as taking up too much oxygen. I agree with a PP that suggested that you join another group (church, sports, whatever). You will feel better about yourself and so will your DC. Also, the less hard you try with these moms the more likely they are to accept you. That shouldn't be your goal as you know they are snarky but I find it ironic that the colder I am to a queen bee the nicer she is to me. I keep her at a really far distance and keep myself emotionally insulated from her but she has no power over me. It is a shame that my DC can't go to her DC's party becauae my DC has XYZ going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Another thought-

are you prettier than the others? Do you have a "better" body? If one or more of the husbands made a positive comment about your appearance I can imagine that there would (unfairly) be hell to pay.

Good luck. It sucks that your child is being frozen out.

+1

Some women/girls will start telling people that another woman is a slut, just because she intimidates them. It's very high school/middle school, but some people never row up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread has me thinking about my/my DC's situation at school. DC started at the school 2 years ago and we simply haven't clicked socially. I say "we" b/c I have reached out to the moms and have not found them receptive to including me socially. In addition, I routinely tried to set up playdates. Sometimes a child would come over for a playdate but with maybe one exception, my DC wasn't invited to the other child's house. I have wondered, worried, analyzed, etc. about this situation for so long.
What was so odd about this situation is that my DC is a very social, friendly, smart, polite kid. In addition, there is nothing "out of the ordinary" about our family - our socioeconomic/education/background is similar to most at the school. I have volunteered, hosted school events at our house, etc. We have always been well liked in other situations (as has our DC), but with this cohort of parents/kids, we simply can't get any traction. I've tried everything.
I guess I'm compelled to write this to say that sometimes people just chose to freeze someone out. Sadly, this has happened here. For us, we've decided that the education our DC is getting has been worth staying (one more year only), but we have all learned important lessons about finding your supporters elsewhere when the school cohort isn't a great fit. Our friends are not parents at the school and, although our DC is treated well at school, it never translates into playdates, invitations to their birthday parties, etc. So, DC's lesson is that these are school-friends and that the great friends are old ones from other schools, from sports teams, from church, from camp and family friends. Yes, it is wrong and crummy but these things can be growing experiences if the family treats it right and doesn't give the mean crowd too much power.

I ahd the same thing happen. Very hurtful. But when I looked at the situation, I realized that I am different from others (I have handicaps that I try to hide --sometimes too well) and that others have no idea what is really happening with me. I am different from them, and I have just had to let it go. I have extended myself over and over to try to fit in but I think that it was just not meant to be.

[Anonymous]

I also had the expereince and took it much too personally. First child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, now I have a new dilemma, the queen bee wannabe is a "friend" of mine on FB, she friended me a long Time ago so I accepted, now I don't want to be friends anymore. she clearly doesn't like me, I don't like her, and I am not the kind of person with 500 fb friends, I like to keep it small. I am afraid if I "unfriend" her it adds more fuel to the fire. Maybe I wait until school is out. Thoughts? SOS

I totally understand. I'm the same way. THere are several plug-in programs that alert someone to when they have been unfriended. I would put her on the restricted list on FB.

[Anonymous]

Enroll your child in a couple activities that fill their hours within reason- to include activities with kids from other schools to broaden her circle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP again, thanks, I figured out how to block people and plan on unfriending as soon as school is out. I hesitated bc there are a few weeks left of school until early June and I just didn't want any more awkwardness for my child. Am I letting this get to me too much, absolutely, and I am now just over it and moving on. A friend made a great observation, I am a recent SAHM, doing part time contract work from home but for all purposes SAHm. However I still operated myself and treat people like I would in a professional setting, and probably all settings, polite, cordial, and helpful. I realized through working I am going to encounter tons of personality types, that's life, and we don't all have to be BFFs but we have to be in the same environment so what's the point of being rude or curt if someone rubs us wrong. Kind of management 101 I learned in business school. Also how my parents raised me. Whatever these women are tools, I am really starting not to care as long as DC is oblivious.

How did you resolve Facebook without seeming obvious? Just block? I need to learn more about Facebook!

[Anonymous]

I think you can just block certain people from not seeing any of your own posts.