Mommy school drama, how to deal

[Anonymous]

This is absolutely terrible! Are there any moms that you were friends with (or more friendly with) even if you aren't anymore? I would absolutely reach out and ask for help. "Jane, I have no clue what's going on, if I've offended someone or what, but Johnny is now suffering the consequences, and I'd like to right the situation immediately." And see if someone can help you, or at least help you figure out what the heck is going on. If you did inadvertently offend someone (who then, immaturely, ran and trashed you to everyone else), it's probably (hopefully?) easily rectifiable. If your kid is still miserable there at the end of the school year, however, and things haven't improved, I'd consider a new school. It sucks and is totally unfair, but I wouldn't want my kid to be miserable b/c of the immaturity of other parents. I'm sorry, OP; and good luck!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks for all the responses. I cannot think of anything I have said or done to offend someone but perhaps I did unknowingly or my child did. My DH works long hours so he isn't around the school functions very much so I don't see how he could have had an interaction that raised eyebrows. I also don't think he is cheating. my children used to attend a Big 3 school but we switched schools last year for a variety of reasons and we never EVER had these issues at the Big 3.

I'm new here - what are the Big 3?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:couldn't figure out what thread this would go in so I picked general. My kids go to a small private neighborhood school, small classes, mostly neighborhood kids. over the past few months the Mommy drama among the mothers of their classmates has gotten out of control, and i find myself the target of some of it and I can't understand why as I am pleasant and polite to everyone, we have many kids over for play dates, and always help other parents when asked (give rides, etc). I am worried that it is starting to affect my children bc it seems they are getting excluded from play dates, birthday parties, etc. I can live with the other mommies not really liking me, but how do I make sure whatever they think of me doesn't reflect on my children? Do I ignore them, turn the other cheek, etc? I am too old to deal with this and wouldn't except DC is complaining that DC is never asked for play dates when we always have other people, etc.

I read the post. It seems as though they have info you want. Host an event at your house with kids and moms. It sounds as though you need to to work on your relationship a little to get better intelligence.

[Anonymous]

This thread has me thinking about my/my DC's situation at school. DC started at the school 2 years ago and we simply haven't clicked socially. I say "we" b/c I have reached out to the moms and have not found them receptive to including me socially. In addition, I routinely tried to set up playdates. Sometimes a child would come over for a playdate but with maybe one exception, my DC wasn't invited to the other child's house. I have wondered, worried, analyzed, etc. about this situation for so long.
What was so odd about this situation is that my DC is a very social, friendly, smart, polite kid. In addition, there is nothing "out of the ordinary" about our family - our socioeconomic/education/background is similar to most at the school. I have volunteered, hosted school events at our house, etc. We have always been well liked in other situations (as has our DC), but with this cohort of parents/kids, we simply can't get any traction. I've tried everything.
I guess I'm compelled to write this to say that sometimes people just chose to freeze someone out. Sadly, this has happened here. For us, we've decided that the education our DC is getting has been worth staying (one more year only), but we have all learned important lessons about finding your supporters elsewhere when the school cohort isn't a great fit. Our friends are not parents at the school and, although our DC is treated well at school, it never translates into playdates, invitations to their birthday parties, etc. So, DC's lesson is that these are school-friends and that the great friends are old ones from other schools, from sports teams, from church, from camp and family friends. Yes, it is wrong and crummy but these things can be growing experiences if the family treats it right and doesn't give the mean crowd too much power.

[Anonymous]

The PPs trying to guess at what happened are wasting their time and the OP's. It doesn't matter if the shunning originated from something legitimate or not, because the other mothers' behavior is childish and stupid. OP, I think you're doing the right thing by trying to ignore this and let it roll off you. Can you talk to your child's teacher and see if she/he has any suggestions for how to help your kid through this?

[Anonymous]

OP here, have insomnia so logged on. I have tried asking teachers but seems needy and lame IMO to ask "why don't x and y's mothers like me?" I regularly ask if there have been issues with my DC and other students but they have said no. I must be irritating to some people, but I hate to think it has caused DC not to get playdate invites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This thread has me thinking about my/my DC's situation at school. DC started at the school 2 years ago and we simply haven't clicked socially. I say "we" b/c I have reached out to the moms and have not found them receptive to including me socially. In addition, I routinely tried to set up playdates. Sometimes a child would come over for a playdate but with maybe one exception, my DC wasn't invited to the other child's house. I have wondered, worried, analyzed, etc. about this situation for so long.
What was so odd about this situation is that my DC is a very social, friendly, smart, polite kid. In addition, there is nothing "out of the ordinary" about our family - our socioeconomic/education/background is similar to most at the school. I have volunteered, hosted school events at our house, etc. We have always been well liked in other situations (as has our DC), but with this cohort of parents/kids, we simply can't get any traction. I've tried everything.
I guess I'm compelled to write this to say that sometimes people just chose to freeze someone out. Sadly, this has happened here. For us, we've decided that the education our DC is getting has been worth staying (one more year only), but we have all learned important lessons about finding your supporters elsewhere when the school cohort isn't a great fit. Our friends are not parents at the school and, although our DC is treated well at school, it never translates into playdates, invitations to their birthday parties, etc. So, DC's lesson is that these are school-friends and that the great friends are old ones from other schools, from sports teams, from church, from camp and family friends. Yes, it is wrong and crummy but these things can be growing experiences if the family treats it right and doesn't give the mean crowd too much power.

If you're child is in a NoVa public, I'll bet I know which school. I'm having an eerily similar experience.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread has me thinking about my/my DC's situation at school. DC started at the school 2 years ago and we simply haven't clicked socially. I say "we" b/c I have reached out to the moms and have not found them receptive to including me socially. In addition, I routinely tried to set up playdates. Sometimes a child would come over for a playdate but with maybe one exception, my DC wasn't invited to the other child's house. I have wondered, worried, analyzed, etc. about this situation for so long.
What was so odd about this situation is that my DC is a very social, friendly, smart, polite kid. In addition, there is nothing "out of the ordinary" about our family - our socioeconomic/education/background is similar to most at the school. I have volunteered, hosted school events at our house, etc. We have always been well liked in other situations (as has our DC), but with this cohort of parents/kids, we simply can't get any traction. I've tried everything.
I guess I'm compelled to write this to say that sometimes people just chose to freeze someone out. Sadly, this has happened here. For us, we've decided that the education our DC is getting has been worth staying (one more year only), but we have all learned important lessons about finding your supporters elsewhere when the school cohort isn't a great fit. Our friends are not parents at the school and, although our DC is treated well at school, it never translates into playdates, invitations to their birthday parties, etc. So, DC's lesson is that these are school-friends and that the great friends are old ones from other schools, from sports teams, from church, from camp and family friends. Yes, it is wrong and crummy but these things can be growing experiences if the family treats it right and doesn't give the mean crowd too much power.

If you're child is in a NoVa public, I'll bet I know which school. I'm having an eerily similar experience.

Weell? Which school?

[Anonymous]

OP said this happened at a religious private school.

[Anonymous]

I'm guessing St. Pats. Am I right OP?

[Anonymous]

OP here, no it isn't St. Patrick's although we did seriously consider that school.

[Anonymous]

St. Bs? Hear very cliquey?

[Anonymous]

My guess is Holy Redeemer

[Anonymous]

OP again, I would rather not say what school because I don't want to out myself or my child and exacerbate the situation. It is in someway comforting to know others have had similar experiences but at the same time it also makes me sad. As adults I had assumed any cliquey high school stuff was over, but I guess I am wrong.

[Anonymous]

HR or St. B's? Just to clarify, do you live in the neighborhood? Does the exclusion extend to neighborhood events, or are school and neighborhood one and the same?