I gave up a baby for adoption. Ask me anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Was the father an older man, or a peer? Did he support the adoption?

An older peer. There is nothing he did that could be called supportive.

[Anonymous]

You are a very strong and beautiful woman OP. It would have been very difficult to raise a child at 15 without your parents support. You may have been forced into a decision but you gave that child life. I have a SN child and terminated a subsequent pregnancy out of fear (high probability of passing down same genetic outcome). Every day that decision haunts me. I hope one day you can find peace with your past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm also an adult adoptee. I was born in 85 and, from what I understand, my birth mom was as young as you were. It was a closed adoption and I have no idea who this woman is, although she knows who my adoptive parents are.
I grew up knowing I was adopted and I have wondered every single day of my life why my birth mom hasn't looked for me. I have wondered if she thinks about me at all, if she wonders whether or not I had a good life and if she would like to know that I have now a beautiful family of my own and am expecting my second child.
It hurts a lot. Not that I was adopted, but how I was adopted and how, instead of having a loving birth mother to add to my adoptive family, I have always a feeling of grieving for the parent I never had.

Why haven't you tried to contact your child?

NP and adult adoptee. These are my feelings and questions as well.

[Anonymous]

I'm so sorry for your loss OP.

[Anonymous]

Op, what has your relationship been like with your own parents since then? has it evolved? How did having subsequent children change (or not) your feelings about the child who was adopted?
It must have been a terribly difficult decision for everyone, but I hope that it has had a wonderful outcome for the child.

[Anonymous]

OP, when you say stand up for yourself you mean you'd have aborted the child or raised him/her without their support?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, when you say stand up for yourself you mean you'd have aborted the child or raised him/her without their support?

I am also curious for the answer.

[Anonymous]

Did your parents go on to have any other biological children after you gave birth and placed your child for adoption?

Did your parents ever ask if they could raise your child? If they had said they would, would you have let them?

[Anonymous]

Thanks OP. You've changed our lives in so many ways with your brave decision. I love you for what you did.

- Adoptive Dad (domestic adoption)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op, what has your relationship been like with your own parents since then? has it evolved? How did having subsequent children change (or not) your feelings about the child who was adopted?
It must have been a terribly difficult decision for everyone, but I hope that it has had a wonderful outcome for the child.

It made me see them for who they were, and I left after high school and have never gone back emotionally to where we were before. I had thought we were close before. I didn't realize how different, how much better it could have been, until going through the pregnancy. I never lived with them again after high school. They've met my husband, they did not pay for the wedding though they attended, we do not visit with them more than once a year. I would never let them be alone with my children.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did your parents go on to have any other biological children after you gave birth and placed your child for adoption?

Did your parents ever ask if they could raise your child? If they had said they would, would you have let them?

No. No. No.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, when you say stand up for yourself you mean you'd have aborted the child or raised him/her without their support?

It is very hard to say what I would have done if I could have stood up for myself. I will just say my parents are highly religious in that way that means they go to church and pray a lot, but have no problem judging others, the type who beat you and then talk you into thanking them for it because they're saving you from your thoughts, etc. I'm just saying I wish it could have truly been my decision, and it wasn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks OP. You've changed our lives in so many ways with your brave decision. I love you for what you did.

- Adoptive Dad (domestic adoption)

Thank you also from this adoptive mom (international adoption). YOu gave us what no one, no medical doctors, no one else in the world, ever could. We were at the ends of our rope, time, emotional resources, financial resources, other and had spent years looking for what you so selflessly gave us. We treasure your gift and do our best to be the best parents we know how every day.

Thanks again,
Mom to 1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm also an adult adoptee. I was born in 85 and, from what I understand, my birth mom was as young as you were. It was a closed adoption and I have no idea who this woman is, although she knows who my adoptive parents are.
I grew up knowing I was adopted and I have wondered every single day of my life why my birth mom hasn't looked for me. I have wondered if she thinks about me at all, if she wonders whether or not I had a good life and if she would like to know that I have now a beautiful family of my own and am expecting my second child.
It hurts a lot. Not that I was adopted, but how I was adopted and how, instead of having a loving birth mother to add to my adoptive family, I have always a feeling of grieving for the parent I never had.

Why haven't you tried to contact your child?

NP and adult adoptee. These are my feelings and questions as well.

First pp here. I guess since OP has been back to answer others, but haven't answered my question, she is ignoring it. Which is probably more telling than answering it at all.

[Anonymous]

You're asking why she hasn't tried to contact the child? Because the child is still a minor, probably.