I gave up a baby for adoption. Ask me anything

[Anonymous]

Let's not get into an abortion debate, okay? That's not what this thread is about.

[Anonymous]

OP, what race are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:?

. I am terrified of the parents not having been good parents.

Interesting. As an adoptive parent, I always wonder if my kids' biological parents wonder about that. And, I wonder if they showed up at the courthouse to see who it was that was adopting their kids. But, from the other side, I will say that my fantasy is that they do care because that would mean they gave up their kids for a better life for the kids instead of a better life for themselves.

Wow, so as an adoptive parent, the woman who "gave up" (don't they say placed now, btw? are you SURE you're really an adoptive parent?) her child, now YOUR child, who carried that child (irrespective of one's beliefs on abortion we can agree that this was a sacrifice, no?) instead of terminating, which meant you got the child you now call your own, and you are judging them because their motives for placing the child may not have been the "right" ones?

Well, gol-ly. You take the cake.

[Anonymous]

Did you hold/see the child before relinquishing him/her?

[Anonymous]

Do you worry that instead of getting the happy ever after adoption story, your child may have been thrown into the foster care system like so many? Possibly abused, sold into child sex slavery? (which happens right here in DC).

[Anonymous]

Not nice.

[Anonymous]

Please say "placed" and not "gave up" my child. Language is very powerful, and the notion of "giving up" a child implies that the child is less than worthy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, what race are you?

White. Born and raised in America, to American parents and grandparents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you hold/see the child before relinquishing him/her?

See, yes. Hold, no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you worry that instead of getting the happy ever after adoption story, your child may have been thrown into the foster care system like so many? Possibly abused, sold into child sex slavery? (which happens right here in DC).

I have worried about and questioned the decisions that were made since they were made.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you worry that instead of getting the happy ever after adoption story, your child may have been thrown into the foster care system like so many? Possibly abused, sold into child sex slavery? (which happens right here in DC).

Really? Come on. You really think that there are kids placed for adoption in dc that are sold into child sex slavery? And don't you think it's kinda cruel to suggest to a parent whose child was placed for adoption that the kid might be a child sex slave.

[Anonymous]

How would you have supported yourself and your child at age 15, if you decided to keep your child without your parents approval and help?
Where would you have lived? Do you think you would be where you are today if you had kept your child?

[Anonymous]

Your answers have brought tears to my eyes. I think of my 15 yo self and I was just a kid. I had my child at 35 and I understand how a child pulls at your heart strings.I cannot even begin to imagine how hard it must be for you OP. I hope you have some peace regarding your child. Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Was the father an older man, or a peer? Did he support the adoption?

[Anonymous]

OP, you haven't asked for advice, but my birth mother went through the same thing you did (she placed me) and I have a friend who raised a child she gave birth to at 14. Both women have deep regrets about those decisions and both struggle to come to terms with it. There is no choice in this situation that would not have left you questioning.

However, my personal belief, knowing them both, is that my b-mom made the better decision (even though she did it under duress and her parents forced her) for both her and for me. I realize we're all different and that different people can have different outcomes from the same circumstances, so there's that to consider. But, my personal experience with watching people who are close to me go through this, is that adoption was better for all involved. There are women on this board who had their kids very young and think it was great, but that is not what I have seen.

I hope you are seeing a therapist to talk about what happened and your feelings.