I gave up a baby for adoption. Ask me anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please say "placed" and not "gave up" my child. Language is very powerful, and the notion of "giving up" a child implies that the child is less than worthy.

Not all kids are "placed". Some are abandoned and some are removed.

[Anonymous]

Are you rewriting history to make yourself look better (e.g., my parents "forced" me to do it)?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you rewriting history to make yourself look better (e.g., my parents "forced" me to do it)?

Are you suggesting there is no truth in it?

I know someone whose mother was 14 when she was born and the grandparents adopted her. She only found out much much later that her sister was her mom.
From what I hear jack nicholson was also raised the same way.

[Anonymous]

How often do you think about your child? Do you think the adoption was best for your child?

I am an adult adoptee. I know my birth father is dead and that I have older siblings (my birth parents were married). I doubt I'll ever be able to find my birth mother or brothers, but if I did, I would say to them that now that I have children of my own, both bio and adopted, I can only fathom the strength and pain it took to place me for adoption. And that I want them to know that my adoption helped create a family, made two people parents, gave my husband a wife, and my kids a mother. I know that my adoption made my life better, but I also hope it made my birth parents' and siblings' lives better too. I want my birth mom and my child's birth parents to know that we love them and think of, and pray for, them often.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Please say "placed" and not "gave up" my child. Language is very powerful, and the notion of "giving up" a child implies that the child is less than worthy.

I'm not up on the adoption lingo, but I don't get that from the phrase "give up" at all. Placing sounds emotion-less and too PC, while giving up a child implies that it was a difficult, emotional decision, which in this case it sounds like it was, very much so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Did you hold/see the child before relinquishing him/her?

See, yes. Hold, no.

OMG. I just had a baby recently and this is so sad to me. I want to cry for you.

[Anonymous]

I'm also an adult adoptee. I was born in 85 and, from what I understand, my birth mom was as young as you were. It was a closed adoption and I have no idea who this woman is, although she knows who my adoptive parents are.
I grew up knowing I was adopted and I have wondered every single day of my life why my birth mom hasn't looked for me. I have wondered if she thinks about me at all, if she wonders whether or not I had a good life and if she would like to know that I have now a beautiful family of my own and am expecting my second child.
It hurts a lot. Not that I was adopted, but how I was adopted and how, instead of having a loving birth mother to add to my adoptive family, I have always a feeling of grieving for the parent I never had.

Why haven't you tried to contact your child?

[Anonymous]

I'm an adult adoptee, and I never wonder about why my birth parents have not tried to contact me. I never really felt anything but gratitude towards the birth parents for being able to make such a difficult decision. My parents are great and I have never thought of them other than my very own parents. I have no reason to grieve over my birth parents. I only wish them good things and hope their lives have been as good as mine.

[Anonymous]

OP, I just want to say thank you. I'm an adopted kid, born to birth parents who were in college. They took me home for 9 days before realizing that they were not ready to raise a child. They picked out my adopted family and I have had the most amazing life. I'm so thankful that my birthparents accepted the fact that they were not ready, and took the time to find a family that they thought would raise me properly. I have not really cared to look for my birth parents (I'm 26) because I really don't wonder that much, but reading some of these posts about adoption have made me rethink. If my birth parents have reached out to me, I would love to let them know what a great life I've had.

9:33, If I'm reading the OP's age and dates correctly, I don't think the child she gave up for adoption is old enough to be contacted yet.

[Anonymous]

9:33, I'm not sure what the laws are in the state that you were born and adopted, but where I live it is a lot more complicated than that (poster born in 85 here). I also had a closed adoption and this is how it works (after you turn 18) where I live. Throughout your entire life, my birthparents may have sent things to my adoption agency to put in my file. When I turned 18, I would have had to go to the adoption agency and sign paperwork if I wanted to get whatever was in my adoption folder. Then, if I wanted my birthparents to be able to search and/or contact me, or find out any information about contacting them, I had to fill out another form. It's not as simple here as just turning 18 and thinking if they want to contact you, they can. The laws here still protect me from being contacted at all until I sign paperwork. I'm sorry that it was never properly explained to you that once you became legally adopted, your birth mom COULDN'T contact you. I'm sorry that you have issues with your adoption.

[Anonymous]

that should say poster born in 86 here...woops!

[Anonymous]

Strength to you, OP.

I am 32 and had my first child at 15 (pregnant at 14). I kept the child and have been married to the father for almost 11 years.

It takes TONS of courage to give a child up for adoption. Although the choice was not 100% yours, you still had the willpower to not let this break you. I hope one day, the child seeks you out and you have an opportunity to meet and share your story.

I was very lucky to have a supportive family. I'm sorry you didn't have the same.

Good luck to you, OP.

[Anonymous]

Please say "placed" and not "gave up" my child. Language is very powerful, and the notion of "giving up" a child implies that the child is less than worthy.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

I don't think you get to pick other people's words. To the OP, she "gave up" a child. I don't think that implies anything about the child's worth. I think it is more indicative of a birth mother's loss.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often do you think about your child? Do you think the adoption was best for your child?

I am an adult adoptee. I know my birth father is dead and that I have older siblings (my birth parents were married). I doubt I'll ever be able to find my birth mother or brothers, but if I did, I would say to them that now that I have children of my own, both bio and adopted, I can only fathom the strength and pain it took to place me for adoption. And that I want them to know that my adoption helped create a family, made two people parents, gave my husband a wife, and my kids a mother. I know that my adoption made my life better, but I also hope it made my birth parents' and siblings' lives better too. I want my birth mom and my child's birth parents to know that we love them and think of, and pray for, them often.

Every so often when there's a lot going on I may skip a day, but overall, every day. I want to believe it is. But every turn where I should have had a choice I didn't, and every choice there was to make was made very quickly. My parents morals and ethics are not mine, what they look for to see "good" in people is not what I look for. So, I hope adoption was best, but unless/until I see for my own eyes what happened after I gave birth I won't know for sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Are you rewriting history to make yourself look better (e.g., my parents "forced" me to do it)?

I don't feel like admitting that I didn't have the guts to stand up for myself makes me look "better." I hate myself for not standing up to them.