I gave up a baby for adoption. Ask me anything

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What were the circumstances that led to your decision?

Oh, I see it wasn't really your decision. Did your parents feel this was best?

[Anonymous]

Do you hope that the child you gave up will find you someday?

[Anonymous]

How did your peers react ? At my high school there were lots of girls having and keeping babies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Did you decide soon after you found out you were pregnant, or closer to the baby's birth? Do you know/ever plan on knowing the adopted family?
This is interesting to me because I was adopted as a baby, but found my birth mother a few years ago. Our families are close now and my DC have 6 grandparents! It's interesting to hear from the other side.

My parents decided soon after they found out but I did not. I did get to meet the parents. I was discouraged by my parents to maintain any relationship with them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What were the circumstances that led to your decision?

Oh, I see it wasn't really your decision. Did your parents feel this was best?

Totally.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How did your peers react ? At my high school there were lots of girls having and keeping babies.

My parents handled it in a very 1950's way even though I was born in the late 80's. So, I was sent to a relative, and was homeschooled. I was discouraged from telling anyone back home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do you hope that the child you gave up will find you someday?

I go back and forth on it. Selfishly, yes, for my own curiosity. Also, so I can explain. But also no, because I am ashamed for not standing up for what I wanted, and finding a way to make that happen. I am terrified of the parents not having been good parents.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did your peers react ? At my high school there were lots of girls having and keeping babies.

My parents handled it in a very 1950's way even though I was born in the late 80's. So, I was sent to a relative, and was homeschooled. I was discouraged from telling anyone back home.

This isn't adding up for me. You were born in the late eighties so you're like 23-25 now? And yet you already have more kids?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:How did your peers react ? At my high school there were lots of girls having and keeping babies.

My parents handled it in a very 1950's way even though I was born in the late 80's. So, I was sent to a relative, and was homeschooled. I was discouraged from telling anyone back home.

This isn't adding up for me. You were born in the late eighties so you're like 23-25 now? And yet you already have more kids?

I have an almost 3 year old and a 1 & 1/2 yr old. Born in '87.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you hope that the child you gave up will find you someday?

I go back and forth on it. Selfishly, yes, for my own curiosity. Also, so I can explain. But also no, because I am ashamed for not standing up for what I wanted, and finding a way to make that happen. I am terrified of the parents not having been good parents.

What is it that you wanted?

And, you can hardly blame yourself for not responding perfectly. You were a kid in a rough situation. I applaud you for not terminating the life of your baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:?

. I am terrified of the parents not having been good parents.

Interesting. As an adoptive parent, I always wonder if my kids' biological parents wonder about that. And, I wonder if they showed up at the courthouse to see who it was that was adopting their kids. But, from the other side, I will say that my fantasy is that they do care because that would mean they gave up their kids for a better life for the kids instead of a better life for themselves.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you hope that the child you gave up will find you someday?

I go back and forth on it. Selfishly, yes, for my own curiosity. Also, so I can explain. But also no, because I am ashamed for not standing up for what I wanted, and finding a way to make that happen. I am terrified of the parents not having been good parents.

What is it that you wanted? And, you can hardly blame yourself for not responding perfectly. You were a kid in a rough situation. I applaud you for not terminating the life of your baby.

I wanted to be allowed to think independently, to speak honestly with my parents, to be allowed to tell friends, just .... to come to a decision with support from people in my life.

[Anonymous]

Are you in the DC region or somewhere else?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you hope that the child you gave up will find you someday?

I go back and forth on it. Selfishly, yes, for my own curiosity. Also, so I can explain. But also no, because I am ashamed for not standing up for what I wanted, and finding a way to make that happen. I am terrified of the parents not having been good parents.

What is it that you wanted? And, you can hardly blame yourself for not responding perfectly. You were a kid in a rough situation. I applaud you for not terminating the life of your baby.

Please do not applaud me - it was not really my decision. I am 110% pro-choice.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you hope that the child you gave up will find you someday?

I go back and forth on it. Selfishly, yes, for my own curiosity. Also, so I can explain. But also no, because I am ashamed for not standing up for what I wanted, and finding a way to make that happen. I am terrified of the parents not having been good parents.

What is it that you wanted? And, you can hardly blame yourself for not responding perfectly. You were a kid in a rough situation. I applaud you for not terminating the life of your baby.

Please do not applaud me - it was not really my decision. I am 110% pro-choice.

Pro-choice doesn't mean pro-abortion. Seems like if it depended on you you'd have aborted the child.

As a child of an adoptee and, like PP said, a granddaughter of 6 grandparents, this really saddens me. My mom, I, my DD would never have existed if it was not for the mercy of that woman, her courage and love to carry my mom to term and give her away to someone who would be able to raise my mom and give her the life her bio mom could not. They were neighbors and my mom grew up knowing her story. It was the coolest thing ever to grow up with 6 grandparents. My friends always asked if I got extra Christmas and Birthday gifts.