Is my kid entitled? How to tell? (article uses a DC kid as an example of entitled:))

[Anonymous]

Entitled kids keep me in business - keep it up parents.

I was laughing at the all the posters who thought a 5 yr old couldn't possibly be expected to not get up on the counter and eat the top off a loaf of banana bread. It was all mom's fault for not making sure she fed 5 yr old the minute they walked in the door. that is entitlement - that child should expect instant gratification of their every need or else all behavior is excused.

Most parents of entitled kids are entitled adults who don't realize their kids are brats because their kids act just like them. Turning their noses up or feeling sorry for the poor and those in non Ugg, non Northface clothes, drinking non Starbucks coffee with non Tiffany jewelry on. They can't imagine that horrible life but they know it must be bad.

[Anonymous]

19:34 - snicker. I know more of these than I care to admit

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I love entitled kids and their parents. Please, never tell your angels no. A percentage of them will think that the law doesn't apply to them and will start breaking them. Then their wealthy parents come to me to get junior out of trouble. Keep right on giving them everything they want! Mama wants a beach house.

Sounds like a local kid that is now on trial for his life...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not all about "things." We have the money to buy things so we buy nice things. Therefore, the kids' (teens) things are all nice: Ugg, Northface, Starbucks, Tiffany, etc, nice vacations, nice cars, all Apple everything etc, etc. If the kids are nice and compassionate and thankful, then having all nice things does not make them entitled. I think it may mean just that their parents have plenty of money.

I guarantee your kids are probably bratty if they have all of those things all the time. Having all nice things ALL the time does make someone entitled. I know many parents with "plenty of money" (probably more than you have) who do not give their children all of those things.

I agree with you PP.

While taking a break from an interview with Nelson Rockefeller, the reporter overheard this short conversation:

One of Rocjefeller's sons: "Gee, dad, if I had $5.00, I could go to the dance tonight."

NR: "Gee, son, if you had saved your allowance, you would have had the $5.00."

This is an example of not bringing up your kids to be entitled, no matter how much money you have.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will your kids be able to accept a steep decline in their standard of living when they are first out on their own? Or do they expect to be able to have Apple and Tiffany and whatever other name brand you can think of? I think it's a good test of whether they are entitled or not. Too bad it takes until college.

It won't take until college. The spoiling parents will continue to spoil them throughout college and things will get ugly when the snowflakes graduate, and think that a BA degree entitles them to a starting salary of $100k and an apartment in Georgetown.

Is is spoiling because it's something you can't afford? If DH and I sit in first class, should DC sit in coach with the nanny? If we want to ski in the Alps, should we send the kids on a separate trip to Ski Liberty? If I'm in Nordstrom buying clothes for me, do I have to schlep out to Walmart to buy things for the kids? Will this teach them a lesson? Just because it's expensive for you, doesn't mean it's expensive for me.

God- you sound like a self-entitled bitch. A classless one.

Signed,
Fellow First Class flier that has to sit near your bratty children and watch you order around the flight attendants

You aren't smart enough to realize it is not having money alone that is the cause of becoming self-entitled. It is the parents' attitudes and personality. Your snippy rant about how well off you are is a perfect example of people I don't want around my kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Will your kids be able to accept a steep decline in their standard of living when they are first out on their own? Or do they expect to be able to have Apple and Tiffany and whatever other name brand you can think of? I think it's a good test of whether they are entitled or not. Too bad it takes until college.

It won't take until college. The spoiling parents will continue to spoil them throughout college and things will get ugly when the snowflakes graduate, and think that a BA degree entitles them to a starting salary of $100k and an apartment in Georgetown.

Is is spoiling because it's something you can't afford? If DH and I sit in first class, should DC sit in coach with the nanny? If we want to ski in the Alps, should we send the kids on a separate trip to Ski Liberty? If I'm in Nordstrom buying clothes for me, do I have to schlep out to Walmart to buy things for the kids? Will this teach them a lesson? Just because it's expensive for you, doesn't mean it's expensive for me.

God- you sound like a self-entitled bitch. A classless one.

Signed,
Fellow First Class flier that has to sit near your bratty children and watch you order around the flight attendants

You aren't smart enough to realize it is not having money alone that is the cause of becoming self-entitled. It is the parents' attitudes and personality. Your snippy rant about how well off you are is a perfect example of people I don't want around my kids.

Another rich person here. I think it is hilarious that you guys are fighting about who is better at being rich. Don't worry. We can all be rich in our own way.

[Anonymous]

God- you sound like a self-entitled bitch. A classless one.
Signed,
Fellow First Class flier that has to sit near your bratty children and watch you order around the flight attendants
You aren't smart enough to realize it is not having money alone that is the cause of becoming self-entitled. It is the parents' attitudes and personality. Your snippy rant about how well off you are is a perfect example of people I don't want around my kids.

One of us needs another glass of wine because I have absolutely no idea what it is in particular that you're responding to or what you're trying to say.

[Anonymous]

If you have money, it's just really hard. Outside of special occasions (birthday, Christmas), we don't buy dc toys. He gets a small allowance, which is slightly increased if he does certain chores. He is allowed to spend half, but he has to save half (we pay him interest on the half he saves). We have successfully (albeit unintentionally) convinced him that we're poor. He is not "entitled" in the way most people use the word (when our house was on the market, he asked me if, when we sold the house, he could buy a pack of Pokemon cards). Tonight, he announced that he wants to get a job (he's nine).

However, and this is a big however, we live in a very nice, but not huge, house in an expensive neighborhood. The kids dc hangs out with on a day to day basis are exactly like him. Nice kids with nice (and well to do) parents. I knew we had some work to do when he came home from an outing with a friend and announced that we needed to join the country club because "everything there is free!". It's very easy to raise a kid that is not "entitled" who still has no understanding of the reality of the "99 percent." it's possible to show them, but it takes work when everyone they know well is just like them.

I know someone will now announce that this is why they send their kids to public school. But really, how many people on this board send their kids to a school with real economic diversity, and if you do, how many of you regularly take your child to play dates to the houses of friends who are substantially poorer than yourself? (and I'm not talking "lives in a condo in NW" "poor.")

[Anonymous]

What's extremely entertaining is how clear it is how few posters actually read the article, based on what they've posted. (And, FWIW, some people who own Apple computers don't do it for the brand name, we do it because we prefer the OS.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one that thinks the article sounds patronizing? The crutch of the article is if you have money, don't spend it on your children because they will be spoiled brats. I grew up in an upper-middle class family and we had more than most people. That being said, I have held a job everyday since I was 15 even had 3 jobs in college. I am self sufficient and don't rely on my parents or others for support. Yet, my BIL and SIL who grew up in poverty rely heavily on their parents to support them and have never been self-sufficient.

This argument is not about money, its about values. Welfare generations in the US and Europe are a good example of people who are basically destitute, but are entitled to their benefits.

In other words I completely disagree that this is about money or material wealth. I think this is about culture and work ethic.

I thoroughly agree. My DH grew up poor. His father was frequently out of work and in poor health requiring expensive medical procedures. They sometimes made it on handouts from their church. He never had anything that he wanted. As an adult he believes he is owed things. If he comes to an intersection and wants to make a turn he gets angry if someone doesn't stop to let him go and he actually has to wait for a green light ( he actually yells, "Come on! You HAVE to let me turn!). He believes he should get a high-paying job because he wants one even though he studied for a career in a low-paying field and he deserves a raise even though he puts in the bare minimum. In his 20s he had to take a class on check writing for bouncing too many checks. He thinks because he wants something he should have it even if he doesn't have the money to buy it. Early on with our 1st DD he frequently bought her outlandishly expensive gifts we couldn't always afford. e.g., for her 1st Christmas he bought her a $100 soccer ball as a stocking stuffer, because he always wanted one and his parents never got him one.

I grew up with a very different background. My parents were upper middle-class professionals, and we had money. But they were immigrants who made their fortune from nothing. We always had to work hard in school and in jobs from a young age. We were given the basics in food and clothing and we gave the rest to the less fortunate. We were always taught that there were others worse off than us, and we were very lucky to have what we did. My sisters and I grew up to be hard-working people. We are all grateful for everything we have. I don't think we are entitled, because we never expect that the world owes us anything. Based on finances alone you would think I would be the entitled one, but my DH very clearly is.

I had

[Anonymous]

I tell myself that it's a kid's job to sweat the small stuff, it's a parent's job to see the big picture. Is what I am doing, buying, etc. consistent with my goals of raising the type of adults I want my children to be? If it's not then I need to rethink my behavior.

My husband and I have wealth, our children do not. If I see them abuse or mistreat their things it drives me crazy. I purposely limit my spending on them. I refuse to raise entitled narcissistic children and I am not afraid of their disappointment in the slightest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have money, it's just really hard. Outside of special occasions (birthday, Christmas), we don't buy dc toys. He gets a small allowance, which is slightly increased if he does certain chores. He is allowed to spend half, but he has to save half (we pay him interest on the half he saves). We have successfully (albeit unintentionally) convinced him that we're poor. He is not "entitled" in the way most people use the word (when our house was on the market, he asked me if, when we sold the house, he could buy a pack of Pokemon cards). Tonight, he announced that he wants to get a job (he's nine).

However, and this is a big however, we live in a very nice, but not huge, house in an expensive neighborhood. The kids dc hangs out with on a day to day basis are exactly like him. Nice kids with nice (and well to do) parents. I knew we had some work to do when he came home from an outing with a friend and announced that we needed to join the country club because "everything there is free!". It's very easy to raise a kid that is not "entitled" who still has no understanding of the reality of the "99 percent." it's possible to show them, but it takes work when everyone they know well is just like them.

I know someone will now announce that this is why they send their kids to public school. But really, how many people on this board send their kids to a school with real economic diversity, and if you do, how many of you regularly take your child to play dates to the houses of friends who are substantially poorer than yourself? (and I'm not talking "lives in a condo in NW" "poor.")

So how do you get your child to realize he's part of the 1% without creating an "us/them" dynamic? I take my kid to volunteer at a shelter and until recently he always really loved hanging out with the kids (and still does) without noticing that they had much less than him (parents in different circumstances in a number of ways). I want to point out the differences but also like that he raelly identifies with the person rather than their circumstances. iDEAs?

[Anonymous]

"I thoroughly agree. My DH grew up poor. His father was frequently out of work and in poor health requiring expensive medical procedures. They sometimes made it on handouts from their church. He never had anything that he wanted. As an adult he believes he is owed things. If he comes to an intersection and wants to make a turn he gets angry if someone doesn't stop to let him go and he actually has to wait for a green light ( he actually yells, "Come on! You HAVE to let me turn!). He believes he should get a high-paying job because he wants one even though he studied for a career in a low-paying field and he deserves a raise even though he puts in the bare minimum. In his 20s he had to take a class on check writing for bouncing too many checks. He thinks because he wants something he should have it even if he doesn't have the money to buy it. Early on with our 1st DD he frequently bought her outlandishly expensive gifts we couldn't always afford. e.g., for her 1st Christmas he bought her a $100 soccer ball as a stocking stuffer, because he always wanted one and his parents never got him one.

I grew up with a very different background. My parents were upper middle-class professionals, and we had money. But they were immigrants who made their fortune from nothing. We always had to work hard in school and in jobs from a young age. We were given the basics in food and clothing and we gave the rest to the less fortunate. We were always taught that there were others worse off than us, and we were very lucky to have what we did. My sisters and I grew up to be hard-working people. We are all grateful for everything we have. I don't think we are entitled, because we never expect that the world owes us anything. Based on finances alone you would think I would be the entitled one, but my DH very clearly is."

When you're done bragging about yoursef, please tell us why you married an entitled asshole. And reproduced with him.

[Anonymous]

I can't believe I would ever speak up for the catholic church in public, but ... I think being raised catholic was a crucial element to developing empathy and lack of entitlement. I learned that the most important thing was to feed the hungry and visit the sick and imprisoned, and Jesus' most important characteristics were his compassion and his suffering (which in turn inspired compassion).

Mind you, this was a 70s-era post Vatican 2 lefty west coast catholic church, with folksongs and altar cloths made out of Guatemalan fabric. So perhaps not what they are teaching at mass today.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not all about "things." We have the money to buy things so we buy nice things. Therefore, the kids' (teens) things are all nice: Ugg, Northface, Starbucks, Tiffany, etc, nice vacations, nice cars, all Apple everything etc, etc. If the kids are nice and compassionate and thankful, then having all nice things does not make them entitled. I think it may mean just that their parents have plenty of money.

I guarantee your kids are probably bratty if they have all of those things all the time. Having all nice things ALL the time does make someone entitled. I know many parents with "plenty of money" (probably more than you have) who do not give their children all of those things.

+1000. Sounds like the family is very materialistic.