Is my kid entitled? How to tell? (article uses a DC kid as an example of entitled:))

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an upper-middle class family and we had more than most people. That being said, I have held a job everyday since I was 15 even had 3 jobs in college. I am self sufficient and don't rely on my parents or others for support.

Honestly, you come across as "entitled". I grew up in a poor family, and when I got a job at fourteen I realized that I was very fortunate. One of the problems for poor teenagers is that they don't have the kind of connections that let them get that first job.

[Anonymous]

"Your God" not "you're God"

Why does this irritate me so?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It's not all about "things." We have the money to buy things so we buy nice things. Therefore, the kids' (teens) things are all nice: Ugg, Northface, Starbucks, Tiffany, etc, nice vacations, nice cars, all Apple everything etc, etc. If the kids are nice and compassionate and thankful, then having all nice things does not make them entitled. I think it may mean just that their parents have plenty of money.

To the person who first wrote this, don't feel bad about how this thread unfolded. I think it is clear from your post that you were just trying to make your point expeditiously by using the brand names. I don't think it reaveals anything significant about your family or your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an upper-middle class family and we had more than most people. That being said, I have held a job everyday since I was 15 even had 3 jobs in college. I am self sufficient and don't rely on my parents or others for support.

Honestly, you come across as "entitled". I grew up in a poor family, and when I got a job at fourteen I realized that I was very fortunate. One of the problems for poor teenagers is that they don't have the kind of connections that let them get that first job.

How do you possibly derive "entitled" from what you quoted here? Because you were poor and she was middle class? This thread has gone completely off the rails.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So how do you get your child to realize he's part of the 1% without creating an "us/them" dynamic? I take my kid to volunteer at a shelter and until recently he always really loved hanging out with the kids (and still does) without noticing that they had much less than him (parents in different circumstances in a number of ways). I want to point out the differences but also like that he raelly identifies with the person rather than their circumstances. iDEAs?

By not making a big deal out of the circumstances while still honestly answering his questions. Take your cues from him.

My DS recently noticed that there were a lot of homeless people downtown. He likes several of them (we see the same people on our commute and often smile, say hi or occasionally chat) and just recently realized that they sleep outside. He asked me why, I explained that some people don't have a safe place to live. Some of them don't have job, others have problems that keep them from living somewhere safe. That we are lucky because I have a job that pays for things like a safe warm house and clothes and toys and his school. He thought about it, accepted it and hasn't changed his behavior (other than expressing that he feels sorry for them when it's cold out).

I bet that your son knows his circumstances are vastly different than the kids at the shelter. It just isn't important enough to comment on to him. That's awesome. Entitled people can't relate to someone in different circumstances. Empathetic people relate to people regardless of their circumstance. It just doesn't matter to them.

[Anonymous]

You don't have to be wealthy to raise an entitled kid, you just have to let them think the world revolves around them. My stepchild is a great example of this- when his parents were together, my husband did not make a ton of money, nor did his mom. They were comfortable but NOT well off. But being the only child for the first 10 years of his life instilled in him this attitude that I strive not to let my daughter develop of "I should get it because I'm me." He sees a water park in a state across the country on tv? He thinks we should fly to go there. He went and rode dirt bikes with a friend once and suddenly deemed it necessary for him to own a dirt bike. He doesn't ask for things, per se, he just generally throws it out there that "he's getting it" and leaves it up to whoever to decide who is getting it for him. My husband doesn't notice it, but to an "outsider" (i.e. someone who did not raise him) it makes me cringe and I would HATE to see my child repeating the same behaviors later in childhood.

They can't always get what they want, regardless of if you can afford it or not. I refuse to buy my child $1000 worth of gifts on Christmas because then she will expect that and more every Christmas thereafter. Neither my stepchild nor my child will be getting brand new cars when they turn 16. Could we afford it? Sure. That's not the point. What do they have to work for if they're handed a BMW when they turn 16? Where's the value? We take vacations, but not lavish ones because again, I won't have them thinking that that's a) normal and b) to be expected.

[Anonymous]

Pp: I don't think having a mean stepmom is going to help your stepson be any kinder of a person. If your disdain for him can come through so clearly in a couple paragraphs imagine how obvious it is to him.

[Anonymous]

Money has nothing to do wtih entitlement.

I'd argue that generational welfare recipients are the absolute worst when it comes to being entitled. They feel that society owes them something for absolutly nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp: I don't think having a mean stepmom is going to help your stepson be any kinder of a person. If your disdain for him can come through so clearly in a couple paragraphs imagine how obvious it is to him.

True. Model better behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Money has nothing to do wtih entitlement.

I'd argue that generational welfare recipients are the absolute worst when it comes to being entitled. They feel that society owes them something for absolutly nothing.

True. Rich doesn't equal entitled and poor does not equal the opposite. Well, except by some DCUMers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I grew up in an upper-middle class family and we had more than most people. That being said, I have held a job everyday since I was 15 even had 3 jobs in college. I am self sufficient and don't rely on my parents or others for support.

Honestly, you come across as "entitled". I grew up in a poor family, and when I got a job at fourteen I realized that I was very fortunate. One of the problems for poor teenagers is that they don't have the kind of connections that let them get that first job.

Um you sound like an entitled blamer.

I grew up as a poor teen and got my first job the second I turned 14 and could get a work permit (yes, this needs to be done prior to working at 16). I WALKED into a few fast food restaurants, filled out applications, and ended up getting a job at Roy Rogers. I had no "connections" nor was I full of excuses. All my young life I looked at rich people and told myself that I was going to be them someday. I took the steps that THEY took and I have everything I dreamed of now.

Being an excuse maker just makes you a loser full of excuses.

There is very good reason my parents were poor:

1. Teen mom who never worked, but still had 3 children.
2. Lazy dad that could never hold down a jpob longer than a few months
3. POOR financial decisions surrounding credit cards
4. In a nutshell, white trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Pp: I don't think having a mean stepmom is going to help your stepson be any kinder of a person. If your disdain for him can come through so clearly in a couple paragraphs imagine how obvious it is to him.

It is not disdain for him, it is disdain for that behavior. No different than when you get mad at your child for having a temper tantrum or being rude. You don't dislike them, you dislike the behavior.

[Anonymous]

Entitlement is a child who starts sentence with I want..., give me...,get me....buy me...

It comes from parents who make their kids the center of their world, who thinks everything should revolve around the kids.

It comes from parents who think their kids should always be happy so instead of teaching them how to cope with and learn from sadness, disappointment, not being the best, losing, frustration - parents step in and do something to make the child happy.

It comes from parents who offload blame onto others, their child may be in the wrong but there is always someone else who is more in the wrong and poor Johnny was unfairly blamed.

It comes from parents who give their kids too much, and the kids never learn to go without, to not get what they want, to wait for things, to earn something through work.

It comes from teaching kids that the world owes them, or that they deserve x,y, or z or that they should be able to have what others have, or that their wants matter more than someone else's. Self-centredness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp: I don't think having a mean stepmom is going to help your stepson be any kinder of a person. If your disdain for him can come through so clearly in a couple paragraphs imagine how obvious it is to him.

It is not disdain for him, it is disdain for that behavior. No different than when you get mad at your child for having a temper tantrum or being rude. You don't dislike them, you dislike the behavior.

Please. Your post OOZES "evil stepmother" vibe. Sure, the kid may be horrible. But if he were your kid, you'd see it as just one flaw in a kid you otherwise love, and you would not declare him a bad kid in general. But no, the tone of your post makes clear that you don't really like him. This is such a common dynamic with stepmothers -- exaggerate characteristics of the stepkids so that they become "horrible kids" in general. I don't blame you for this tendancy because being a stepmother is really freakin' hard, and I believe that it is an inherently difficult relationship to manage. In a lot of cases I think there's just an instinctual dislike to the stepkids that's probably biologically based. However, you're the adult, and it is your job to overcome this and provide a loving home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp: I don't think having a mean stepmom is going to help your stepson be any kinder of a person. If your disdain for him can come through so clearly in a couple paragraphs imagine how obvious it is to him.

It is not disdain for him, it is disdain for that behavior. No different than when you get mad at your child for having a temper tantrum or being rude. You don't dislike them, you dislike the behavior.

Please. Your post OOZES "evil stepmother" vibe. Sure, the kid may be horrible. But if he were your kid, you'd see it as just one flaw in a kid you otherwise love, and you would not declare him a bad kid in general. But no, the tone of your post makes clear that you don't really like him. This is such a common dynamic with stepmothers -- exaggerate characteristics of the stepkids so that they become "horrible kids" in general. I don't blame you for this tendancy because being a stepmother is really freakin' hard, and I believe that it is an inherently difficult relationship to manage. In a lot of cases I think there's just an instinctual dislike to the stepkids that's probably biologically based. However, you're the adult, and it is your job to overcome this and provide a loving home.

Oh, come on. There are certainly kids whose personalities are hard to take and whose aggravating behaviors are well in place by age 8 or 9. If you suddenly have to deal with them day in and day out it can be aggravating for anyone. And, there's nothing to indicate that PP doesn't provide a loving home, even if she dislikes the child as you're asserting (which I don't think is obvious). The topic is entitlement, she doesn't have to qualify a description of his with "of course he has other good qualities" and proceed to list everything here. Good grief.