Is my kid entitled? How to tell? (article uses a DC kid as an example of entitled:))

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp: I don't think having a mean stepmom is going to help your stepson be any kinder of a person. If your disdain for him can come through so clearly in a couple paragraphs imagine how obvious it is to him.

It is not disdain for him, it is disdain for that behavior. No different than when you get mad at your child for having a temper tantrum or being rude. You don't dislike them, you dislike the behavior.

Please. Your post OOZES "evil stepmother" vibe. Sure, the kid may be horrible. But if he were your kid, you'd see it as just one flaw in a kid you otherwise love, and you would not declare him a bad kid in general. But no, the tone of your post makes clear that you don't really like him. This is such a common dynamic with stepmothers -- exaggerate characteristics of the stepkids so that they become "horrible kids" in general. I don't blame you for this tendancy because being a stepmother is really freakin' hard, and I believe that it is an inherently difficult relationship to manage. In a lot of cases I think there's just an instinctual dislike to the stepkids that's probably biologically based. However, you're the adult, and it is your job to overcome this and provide a loving home.

It's amazing how people on the internet think they can know so much from one comment. I commented specifically on that trait due to the thread. I didn't feel the need to mention that he is polite, great with kids, and well behaved because it wasn't relevant. He IS all those things, but he can also be entitled. It's not an attractive quality for anyone to have- not adults, or teenagers, or kids, and people tend to notice when someone behaves that way. I don't even blame him for it, I blame his parents. Yes, being a stepmother is hard. It's even harder when everyone thinks your every thought or action is done with malicious intent because you're the "evil stepmother biologically programmed to hate the stepkid."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not all about "things." We have the money to buy things so we buy nice things. Therefore, the kids' (teens) things are all nice: Ugg, Northface, Starbucks, Tiffany, etc, nice vacations, nice cars, all Apple everything etc, etc. If the kids are nice and compassionate and thankful, then having all nice things does not make them entitled. I think it may mean just that their parents have plenty of money.

Ugg and Northface products are 'nice things'? I beg to differ. They're ugly as a deadly sin.

I found this funny too. If she things Uggs and Northface are "nice" maybe she needs a fashion lesson.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you have money, it's just really hard. Outside of special occasions (birthday, Christmas), we don't buy dc toys. He gets a small allowance, which is slightly increased if he does certain chores. He is allowed to spend half, but he has to save half (we pay him interest on the half he saves). We have successfully (albeit unintentionally) convinced him that we're poor. He is not "entitled" in the way most people use the word (when our house was on the market, he asked me if, when we sold the house, he could buy a pack of Pokemon cards). Tonight, he announced that he wants to get a job (he's nine).

However, and this is a big however, we live in a very nice, but not huge, house in an expensive neighborhood. The kids dc hangs out with on a day to day basis are exactly like him. Nice kids with nice (and well to do) parents. I knew we had some work to do when he came home from an outing with a friend and announced that we needed to join the country club because "everything there is free!". It's very easy to raise a kid that is not "entitled" who still has no understanding of the reality of the "99 percent." it's possible to show them, but it takes work when everyone they know well is just like them.

I know someone will now announce that this is why they send their kids to public school. But really, how many people on this board send their kids to a school with real economic diversity, and if you do, how many of you regularly take your child to play dates to the houses of friends who are substantially poorer than yourself? (and I'm not talking "lives in a condo in NW" "poor.")

Oh, I'm sure the starving people of Darfur weep for your troubles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp: I don't think having a mean stepmom is going to help your stepson be any kinder of a person. If your disdain for him can come through so clearly in a couple paragraphs imagine how obvious it is to him.

It is not disdain for him, it is disdain for that behavior. No different than when you get mad at your child for having a temper tantrum or being rude. You don't dislike them, you dislike the behavior.

Please. Your post OOZES "evil stepmother" vibe. Sure, the kid may be horrible. But if he were your kid, you'd see it as just one flaw in a kid you otherwise love, and you would not declare him a bad kid in general. But no, the tone of your post makes clear that you don't really like him. This is such a common dynamic with stepmothers -- exaggerate characteristics of the stepkids so that they become "horrible kids" in general. I don't blame you for this tendancy because being a stepmother is really freakin' hard, and I believe that it is an inherently difficult relationship to manage. In a lot of cases I think there's just an instinctual dislike to the stepkids that's probably biologically based. However, you're the adult, and it is your job to overcome this and provide a loving home.

You have a very limited ability to process information or other people's perspectives. Nothing in her post would lead one to take what you did from it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not all about "things." We have the money to buy things so we buy nice things. Therefore, the kids' (teens) things are all nice: Ugg, Northface, Starbucks, Tiffany, etc, nice vacations, nice cars, all Apple everything etc, etc. If the kids are nice and compassionate and thankful, then having all nice things does not make them entitled. I think it may mean just that their parents have plenty of money.

Ugg and Northface products are 'nice things'? I beg to differ. They're ugly as a deadly sin.

I found this funny too. If she things Uggs and Northface are "nice" maybe she needs a fashion lesson.

I don't know a teen who doesn't wear Ugg and Northface.

[Anonymous]

[i]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp: I don't think having a mean stepmom is going to help your stepson be any kinder of a person. If your disdain for him can come through so clearly in a couple paragraphs imagine how obvious it is to him.

It is not disdain for him, it is disdain for that behavior. No different than when you get mad at your child for having a temper tantrum or being rude. You don't dislike them, you dislike the behavior.

Please. Your post OOZES "evil stepmother" vibe. Sure, the kid may be horrible. But if he were your kid, you'd see it as just one flaw in a kid you otherwise love, and you would not declare him a bad kid in general. But no, the tone of your post makes clear that you don't really like him. This is such a common dynamic with stepmothers -- exaggerate characteristics of the stepkids so that they become "horrible kids" in general. I don't blame you for this tendancy because being a stepmother is really freakin' hard, and I believe that it is an inherently difficult relationship to manage. In a lot of cases I think there's just an instinctual dislike to the stepkids that's probably biologically based. However, you're the adult, and it is your job to overcome this and provide a loving home.

You have a very limited ability to process information or other people's perspectives. Nothing in her post would lead one to take what you did from it.

Different p here. I also thought the post reeked of I can't stand my step.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not all about "things." We have the money to buy things so we buy nice things. Therefore, the kids' (teens) things are all nice: Ugg, Northface, Starbucks, Tiffany, etc, nice vacations, nice cars, all Apple everything etc, etc. If the kids are nice and compassionate and thankful, then having all nice things does not make them entitled. I think it may mean just that their parents have plenty of money.

Ugg and Northface products are 'nice things'? I beg to differ. They're ugly as a deadly sin.

I found this funny too. If she things Uggs and Northface are "nice" maybe she needs a fashion lesson.

I don't know a teen who doesn't wear Ugg and Northface.

Neither of my teens have any Ugg or Northface stuff.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp: I don't think having a mean stepmom is going to help your stepson be any kinder of a person. If your disdain for him can come through so clearly in a couple paragraphs imagine how obvious it is to him.

It is not disdain for him, it is disdain for that behavior. No different than when you get mad at your child for having a temper tantrum or being rude. You don't dislike them, you dislike the behavior.

Please. Your post OOZES "evil stepmother" vibe. Sure, the kid may be horrible. But if he were your kid, you'd see it as just one flaw in a kid you otherwise love, and you would not declare him a bad kid in general. But no, the tone of your post makes clear that you don't really like him. This is such a common dynamic with stepmothers -- exaggerate characteristics of the stepkids so that they become "horrible kids" in general. I don't blame you for this tendancy because being a stepmother is really freakin' hard, and I believe that it is an inherently difficult relationship to manage. In a lot of cases I think there's just an instinctual dislike to the stepkids that's probably biologically based. However, you're the adult, and it is your job to overcome this and provide a loving home.

You have a very limited ability to process information or other people's perspectives. Nothing in her post would lead one to take what you did from it.

Hmm, let's see, the fact that she compares her step unfavorably to her own kid; the fact that she even saw fit to be posting about her step on the internet anyway ... all suggests to me that she holds him to much higher standards than her own kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not all about "things." We have the money to buy things so we buy nice things. Therefore, the kids' (teens) things are all nice: Ugg, Northface, Starbucks, Tiffany, etc, nice vacations, nice cars, all Apple everything etc, etc. If the kids are nice and compassionate and thankful, then having all nice things does not make them entitled. I think it may mean just that their parents have plenty of money.

Ugg and Northface products are 'nice things'? I beg to differ. They're ugly as a deadly sin.

I found this funny too. If she things Uggs and Northface are "nice" maybe she needs a fashion lesson.

I don't know a teen who doesn't wear Ugg and Northface.

Neither of my teens have any Ugg or Northface stuff.

Then by DCUM definition they must be non-bratty, kind, compassionate and fashionable. Congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Pp: I don't think having a mean stepmom is going to help your stepson be any kinder of a person. If your disdain for him can come through so clearly in a couple paragraphs imagine how obvious it is to him.

It is not disdain for him, it is disdain for that behavior. No different than when you get mad at your child for having a temper tantrum or being rude. You don't dislike them, you dislike the behavior.

Please. Your post OOZES "evil stepmother" vibe. Sure, the kid may be horrible. But if he were your kid, you'd see it as just one flaw in a kid you otherwise love, and you would not declare him a bad kid in general. But no, the tone of your post makes clear that you don't really like him. This is such a common dynamic with stepmothers -- exaggerate characteristics of the stepkids so that they become "horrible kids" in general. I don't blame you for this tendancy because being a stepmother is really freakin' hard, and I believe that it is an inherently difficult relationship to manage. In a lot of cases I think there's just an instinctual dislike to the stepkids that's probably biologically based. However, you're the adult, and it is your job to overcome this and provide a loving home.

You have a very limited ability to process information or other people's perspectives. Nothing in her post would lead one to take what you did from it.

Hmm, let's see, the fact that she compares her step unfavorably to her own kid; the fact that she even saw fit to be posting about her step on the internet anyway ... all suggests to me that she holds him to much higher standards than her own kid.

I am the "evil stepmother." I hold him to somewhat higher standards in this situation- he is 15. My child is 2. Now, if she were old enough to be showing entitlement, you can bet I'd be doing my best to knock it out of her as well. I didn't say "My kid is soooo much better." She is not yet at the age where she can really be entitled. I am doing my best now, in her early childhood, to not let her get to that point. I didn't compare them at all in regards to this quality: she's two. She's too young to be entitled. I'm sure when she gets older and develops more of a real personality, there will be things about her that compare less favorably than to my stepson. I don't think she's perfect. I do want both my kids to turn out to be good people, which is I hate to see that he acts entitled at a young age. That's all I was trying to get across.

However, I'm not going to say anything else about it. It always turns out this way on DCUM when a stepparent writes about a stepkid. There's always the contingent that wants to believe stepparents are the root of all evil and secretly hate their stepkids. It's not true, but many women on here like to think so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have money, it's just really hard. Outside of special occasions (birthday, Christmas), we don't buy dc toys. He gets a small allowance, which is slightly increased if he does certain chores. He is allowed to spend half, but he has to save half (we pay him interest on the half he saves). We have successfully (albeit unintentionally) convinced him that we're poor. He is not "entitled" in the way most people use the word (when our house was on the market, he asked me if, when we sold the house, he could buy a pack of Pokemon cards). Tonight, he announced that he wants to get a job (he's nine).

However, and this is a big however, we live in a very nice, but not huge, house in an expensive neighborhood. The kids dc hangs out with on a day to day basis are exactly like him. Nice kids with nice (and well to do) parents. I knew we had some work to do when he came home from an outing with a friend and announced that we needed to join the country club because "everything there is free!". It's very easy to raise a kid that is not "entitled" who still has no understanding of the reality of the "99 percent." it's possible to show them, but it takes work when everyone they know well is just like them.

I know someone will now announce that this is why they send their kids to public school. But really, how many people on this board send their kids to a school with real economic diversity, and if you do, how many of you regularly take your child to play dates to the houses of friends who are substantially poorer than yourself? (and I'm not talking "lives in a condo in NW" "poor.")

Oh, I'm sure the starving people of Darfur weep for your troubles.

I weep for your lack of ability to comprehend what you read.

To spell it out for you--
Question: how do you raise kids that are not entitled?
Answer: if you have money, it's hard to raise kids that are not entitled.

Next question: how do you raise kids that are not sanctimonious bitches?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Ugg and Northface products are 'nice things'? I beg to differ. They're ugly as a deadly sin.

I found this funny too. If she things Uggs and Northface are "nice" maybe she needs a fashion lesson.
I don't know a teen who doesn't wear Ugg and Northface.

Neither of my teens have any Ugg or Northface stuff.

Do you homeschool?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you have money, it's just really hard. Outside of special occasions (birthday, Christmas), we don't buy dc toys. He gets a small allowance, which is slightly increased if he does certain chores. He is allowed to spend half, but he has to save half (we pay him interest on the half he saves). We have successfully (albeit unintentionally) convinced him that we're poor. He is not "entitled" in the way most people use the word (when our house was on the market, he asked me if, when we sold the house, he could buy a pack of Pokemon cards). Tonight, he announced that he wants to get a job (he's nine).

However, and this is a big however, we live in a very nice, but not huge, house in an expensive neighborhood. The kids dc hangs out with on a day to day basis are exactly like him. Nice kids with nice (and well to do) parents. I knew we had some work to do when he came home from an outing with a friend and announced that we needed to join the country club because "everything there is free!". It's very easy to raise a kid that is not "entitled" who still has no understanding of the reality of the "99 percent." it's possible to show them, but it takes work when everyone they know well is just like them.

I know someone will now announce that this is why they send their kids to public school. But really, how many people on this board send their kids to a school with real economic diversity, and if you do, how many of you regularly take your child to play dates to the houses of friends who are substantially poorer than yourself? (and I'm not talking "lives in a condo in NW" "poor.")

Oh, I'm sure the starving people of Darfur weep for your troubles.

I weep for your lack of ability to comprehend what you read.

To spell it out for you--
Question: how do you raise kids that are not entitled?
Answer: if you have money, it's hard to raise kids that are not entitled.

Next question: how do you raise kids that are not sanctimonious bitches?

Still laughing here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

How do you possibly derive "entitled" from what you quoted here? Because you were poor and she was middle class?

The poster is "entitled" because she takes her good fortune -- being offered a job as a teenager, and being able to hold three jobs in college -- for granted. She thinks she somehow deserved them; I think she was lucky. Not only that, she blames other people for being less fortunate.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Ugg and Northface products are 'nice things'? I beg to differ. They're ugly as a deadly sin.

I found this funny too. If she things Uggs and Northface are "nice" maybe she needs a fashion lesson.
I don't know a teen who doesn't wear Ugg and Northface.

Neither of my teens have any Ugg or Northface stuff.

Do you homeschool?

I think the poster lives under a rock.