Is my kid entitled? How to tell? (article uses a DC kid as an example of entitled:))
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Anonymous
Oh dear, the bulleted definition sounds like BIL and SIL, especially the parts about helping yourself to others' stuff without asking, thinking you deserve it because you're "you," and not taking others' feelings into account. I suppose that's a lesson that entitled kids grow up to be entitled adults. |
Anonymous
| I know my kids act entitled. They couldn't imagine a family struggling to come up with $7 for a field trip. My fault entirely. |
Anonymous
| It's not all about "things." We have the money to buy things so we buy nice things. Therefore, the kids' (teens) things are all nice: Ugg, Northface, Starbucks, Tiffany, etc, nice vacations, nice cars, all Apple everything etc, etc. If the kids are nice and compassionate and thankful, then having all nice things does not make them entitled. I think it may mean just that their parents have plenty of money. |
Anonymous
I guarantee your kids are probably bratty if they have all of those things all the time. Having all nice things ALL the time does make someone entitled. I know many parents with "plenty of money" (probably more than you have) who do not give their children all of those things. |
Anonymous
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I worry about the acting entitled thing alot so sometimes if we are going somewhere my DD is allowed to make a choice (Starbucks - a hot chocolate OR a special treat ie: snack ... not both). I try to keep snacks in the car or water bottles handy especially if I know we'll be out and about so she gets used to the idea that not everything can be purchased right away and even though yes, there is a smoothie place right there, and
We also set goals and she is allowed to keep small increments of cash that come in birthday cards or holiday treats, checks go into a savings account. We don't purchase things for her in front of her (at Target or whatever) unless it is clothes and she has done a great job saving up for items she really wants. This being said we do buy her gifts and stuff outside of her birthday or holiday, but it comes from us and she doesn't demand. She's vocal about telling us things she wants, but she sort of does it in a way where its not asking or begging - its more "when I get older I'm going to get an iPhone" (bc she gets to play on mine when we are in traffic or as a special treat) so she makes goals for herself. That being said she is not perfect and there are times when she throws a tantrum or she'll say something and I have to remind her that its not a guarantee we'll get pizza or she'll get her have a massive bday party or whatever but I try to influence her in small ways now, so maybe later on we won't have to battle for the big stuff and she'll be open to conversations about it (like in 10 years when private college costs over 100k a year and she's going to get stuck at in-state  )
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Anonymous
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We have lots (no really) of money. The kids have no idea. We feel it is important for them to grow up knowing a regular life and not a privileged life. Most people in the real world do not live a privileged life. They need to know how to get along after we are gone, even if it is with an enormous inheritance. You are doing your kids no favors if you are one bonus away from defaulting on your huge mortgage and acting like an a**hole in the meantime. The true meaning of diversity comes from class, not skin color. If yo travel almost anywhere, there is diverse skin color AND diverse socioeconomics. Teach them well and they will live well. This is not limited to name brands. A shame more people in this are are supposed to be smart, but do not realize this crucial piece of information about every day life. |
Anonymous
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My SIL's kids define entitled. There is nothing you can do with them, give them, show them that impresses them. They just want more.
I remember one birthday, we offered to take them to their favorite restaurant, but there was a 30-minute wait. They literally melted down -- whining and stomping around -- because they couldn't believe they couldn't have what they wanted NOW. When we told SIL, she said "Why didn't you talk to a manager? I just tell them my child is diabetic and needs to eat right away. They would have seated you." |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
Wow, you sound like you know think you know a lot. But, I think you're more jealous and judgmental than knowledgable. Maybe you wish you had the option of being entitled. |
Anonymous
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Anonymous
You can be polite and gracious and still be entitled. I don't know your kids and perhaps they are the exception, but I think it is very difficult for a kid to maintain some kind of understanding about the way the majority of the world lives when they are given all of the things you have mentioned, and living in a family who obviously has great awareness of things like expensive brands and places importance on those kinds of things. Kids learn a lot more from what parents do than what they say. The values you model rub off on your kids. I think a lot of parents call their kids compassionate and grateful because they behave nicely in public, write thank-you notes, and maybe do a community service project. But I think it takes a lot more than that for a kid to truly understand gratitude, compassion, and humility. I don't mean to sound snarky because frankly we struggle with these issues ourselves. We want to give our kids rich experiences and lots of opportunities, and of course we ourselves want to enjoy the lifestyle we work so hard for. But it is also very important to us that they grow up compassionate and able to understand the value of a dollar. Our approach is to limit expensive material things like fancy cars, trendy brands, or high-end electronics, and when we do buy them our kids have to earn them. But we do spend money on outsourcing a lot of house stuff so we can spend more time together as a family, and we sometimes splurge on experiences, like family vacations, art/music/sports lessons, etc. I'm under no illusions that my kids really understand the advantages they have but we're actively workign on it. |
Anonymous
You can be polite and gracious and still be entitled. I don't know your kids and perhaps they are the exception, but I think it is very difficult for a kid to maintain some kind of understanding about the way the majority of the world lives when they are given all of the things you have mentioned, and living in a family who obviously has great awareness of things like expensive brands and places importance on those kinds of things. Kids learn a lot more from what parents do than what they say. The values you model rub off on your kids. I think a lot of parents call their kids compassionate and grateful because they behave nicely in public, write thank-you notes, and maybe do a community service project. But I think it takes a lot more than that for a kid to truly understand gratitude, compassion, and humility. I don't mean to sound snarky because frankly we struggle with these issues ourselves. We want to give our kids rich experiences and lots of opportunities, and of course we ourselves want to enjoy the lifestyle we work so hard for. But it is also very important to us that they grow up compassionate and able to understand the value of a dollar. Our approach is to limit expensive material things like fancy cars, trendy brands, or high-end electronics, and when we do buy them our kids have to earn them. But we do spend money on outsourcing a lot of house stuff so we can spend more time together as a family, and we sometimes splurge on experiences, like family vacations, art/music/sports lessons, etc. I'm under no illusions that my kids really understand the advantages they have but we're actively workign on it. |
Anonymous
If you are this focused on labels and brand names, then I guarantee you your kids are "entitled." It has less to do with what you're giving them, than what you're teaching them. |
Anonymous
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Am I the only one that thinks the article sounds patronizing? The crutch of the article is if you have money, don't spend it on your children because they will be spoiled brats. I grew up in an upper-middle class family and we had more than most people. That being said, I have held a job everyday since I was 15 even had 3 jobs in college. I am self sufficient and don't rely on my parents or others for support. Yet, my BIL and SIL who grew up in poverty rely heavily on their parents to support them and have never been self-sufficient.
This argument is not about money, its about values. Welfare generations in the US and Europe are a good example of people who are basically destitute, but are entitled to their benefits. In other words I completely disagree that this is about money or material wealth. I think this is about culture and work ethic. |