my husband is a terrible gift giver and it bums me out each year

[Anonymous]

This was a great thread -- thanks for sharing. my husband rocks at gift giving and he's getting an extra big hug and kiss tonight.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm the pp you quoted in your third post. I really think you should have a talk with your DH. He sounds like an OK guy, and maybe if he knew how his actions (or lack of action) are making you feel, he would be more inclined to put in a little effort. I feel for you - I think it's pretty normal for women to want the sort of validation you're seeking from their partner, but it's not something you can necessarily produce on demand. But at least give it a shot.

[Anonymous]

Last year for my birthday I got tickets to a Caps game- (who was that for, anyway?) -and I'm not a hockey fan.

We call this type of gift the "Homer bowling ball" in my house, after the Simpsons episode when Homer buys Marge a bowling ball engraved with "Homer."

[Anonymous]

Put an end to both of your agony now. Stop this silly dance. Pick out something you want - and either send him the link or buy it, give it to him to wrap for you. My DH and I spent years with this silly game. He would buy crap gifts - but yet - get stressed about it - and then get upset if I didnt jump up and down with glee. So I started giving him ideas. With the internet, I started to send him links. He is happy. I am happy. Would I love a DH who could come up with wonderful gifts on his own....sure...but that isn't one of his strengths. He never got good gifts growing up, so the whole idea is just foriegn to him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband fits right in here. He actually means well, but is pretty forgetful a lot of the time. We do stockings for each person in the family - even the dog. I remind my husband a bazillion times not to forget to get something for my stocking. Last year, he totally spaced it. So on christmas morning, both kids, the dog and the husband all had stockings filled with fun, thoughtful gifts, but mine was empty. My daughter actually cried because she was so sad for me. "Oh mamma," she told me. "What did you do wrong last year? Santa must be so mad at you, but I thought you were really good most of the time." She went on to speculate for DAYS about why Santa was mad at me - was it the parking ticket? the time I forgot to feed the dog? the time I said $*%&* when I dropped something in the kitchen? I had to totally suck it up and let her think I'd totally blown it in Santa's eyes, when it was actually my husband's fault for forgetting. He felt so bad! Never again - I'm stuffing my own stocking this year!!

OMG. I am so sorry, but I had to laugh at this - only because I make sure to buy enough stuff for myself to fill at least half a stocking. And most Christmases....yes....I have half a stocking filled.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Last year for my birthday I got tickets to a Caps game- (who was that for, anyway?) -and I'm not a hockey fan.

We call this type of gift the "Homer bowling ball" in my house, after the Simpsons episode when Homer buys Marge a bowling ball engraved with "Homer."

Us too. I got a Wii for mother's day a few years ago.

[Anonymous]

Wow, my husband is my gift. The gift of unconditional love, loyalty and being a wonderful father. Every day I spend with him is another present for me. Sure we fight like mad sometimes, (I threw a leg of chicken at him recently) and I have been know to tell him to go away. But I love him dearly and would never expect him to purchase something in order to make me feel special. He does that just by putting up with me. I am sorry if this makes some of you angry, but I hope you have wonderful Christmases anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband fits right in here. He actually means well, but is pretty forgetful a lot of the time. We do stockings for each person in the family - even the dog. I remind my husband a bazillion times not to forget to get something for my stocking. Last year, he totally spaced it. So on christmas morning, both kids, the dog and the husband all had stockings filled with fun, thoughtful gifts, but mine was empty. My daughter actually cried because she was so sad for me. "Oh mamma," she told me. "What did you do wrong last year? Santa must be so mad at you, but I thought you were really good most of the time." She went on to speculate for DAYS about why Santa was mad at me - was it the parking ticket? the time I forgot to feed the dog? the time I said $*%&* when I dropped something in the kitchen? I had to totally suck it up and let her think I'd totally blown it in Santa's eyes, when it was actually my husband's fault for forgetting. He felt so bad! Never again - I'm stuffing my own stocking this year!!

Oh, this made me cry!

This is also (partly) why we don't have stockings at our house.

My DH gave me a vacuum one year for xmas. He will not live it down. Ever.

I hear you on the self-starting. I wish my DH was more demonstrative, too. DH wanted to get me something HE actually wants this year. I would've been pissed. I had already decided to get it for HIM. There's nothing physical I want that costs as much $$, so after much pestering I told him I want him to take me out... of course I will more than likely have to figure out when and where and hire a babysitter :/

[Anonymous]

Love this thread. So glad taht I'm not the only one with a gift-challenged DH. And sorry to the empty stocking poster, but your story served as an excellent warning for my DH on why he needs to take this christmas more seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Put an end to both of your agony now. Stop this silly dance. Pick out something you want - and either send him the link or buy it, give it to him to wrap for you. My DH and I spent years with this silly game. He would buy crap gifts - but yet - get stressed about it - and then get upset if I didnt jump up and down with glee. So I started giving him ideas. With the internet, I started to send him links. He is happy. I am happy. Would I love a DH who could come up with wonderful gifts on his own....sure...but that isn't one of his strengths. He never got good gifts growing up, so the whole idea is just foriegn to him.

This is exactly what I do and have for several years after having many, many birthday/Christmas disappointments. I also figure out what I want to do for my birthday and tell him or just plan it myself. You're just setting yourself up for disappointment every year if you don't. My DH is great in lots of other ways, just not at special occasions and gifts and I've just accepted that now. Bonus is that when he does plan something special or give me something good on his own, I'm very surprised and pleased!

[Anonymous]

OP, suffice it to say that most DHs are gift challenged. By your own in November and December and call it a day. He can wrap them. Done. You can be a reasonable adult about it without demanding diamonds, right? I ask this because I knew someone who contributed nothing (or less than nothing), demanded diamonds then got divorced. Yikes!

[Anonymous]

Oh, empty stocking poster, I feel for you, too! But I will say that your story made me laugh really hard because it was almost scripted to make DH feel awful. I bet he'll never forget to buy gifts for your stocking again

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Last year for my birthday I got tickets to a Caps game- (who was that for, anyway?) -and I'm not a hockey fan.

We call this type of gift the "Homer bowling ball" in my house, after the Simpsons episode when Homer buys Marge a bowling ball engraved with "Homer."

OMG, we do this too!

Worst gift with best of intentions: my feet are cold a lot. DH got me electric hunting socks. Each one required two D batteries. Seriously, big ass batteries hanging from my calves.

[Anonymous]

OP here.
It appears that I'm getting a vacuum (handy vac) this year. I was checking our Amazon account to figure out when my remaining purchases are due to arrive and I saw that he ordered a vacuum to be sent to himself (c/o my dad) to my parent's house. It's not a gift for my parents (i buy all their gifts).
Under what paradigm is it okay to buy your wife a vacuum for Christmas?
I honestly don't know what to say. That man could literally buy me any piece of jewelry in the world and I'd be okay with it. He could go to Macy's and buy a $10 pair of earrings and I'd thrilled out of my mind. It would be the first pair of earrings he ever bought me and I would cherish them. But a vacuum? I am so sad.

Christmas is now officially just about the kids in our house.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.
It appears that I'm getting a vacuum (handy vac) this year. I was checking our Amazon account to figure out when my remaining purchases are due to arrive and I saw that he ordered a vacuum to be sent to himself (c/o my dad) to my parent's house. It's not a gift for my parents (i buy all their gifts).
Under what paradigm is it okay to buy your wife a vacuum for Christmas?
I honestly don't know what to say. That man could literally buy me any piece of jewelry in the world and I'd be okay with it. He could go to Macy's and buy a $10 pair of earrings and I'd thrilled out of my mind. It would be the first pair of earrings he ever bought me and I would cherish them. But a vacuum? I am so sad.

Christmas is now officially just about the kids in our house.

Well, at least your expectations are lowered. There's a chance that this is a decoy gift (maybe he's recognizing that his gifts are crap and wants to surprise you with something good...after he gives you a handy vac?) Or maybe it's for the car. I agree that this isn't a gift you give your wife. If this does end up being your gift you basically have to take control of your own gift giving in the future. You buy the gift, give it to him to later give to you. It's all family money anyway, and you know what you want best. A great many men are horrible gift givers.