Ex won’t make food our daughter will eat

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Clearly the 16 year old can learn to cook but the dad is an AH if he only has her half time and insists on making things she doesn’t like on his weeks. Every single human has food preferences — some more than others. When my oldest is home from school, I make the dinners I know she likes (quiche, shrimp scampi, etc) and avoid the things I know she hates (like pork chops and mashed potatoes). I do this because I love her and want her to be happy eating with me, and because I’m not an AH. It sounds like this girl is an only child so dad is cooking just for her and him — why is he going out of his way to make things she doesn’t like? He can eat those things the week she is with her mom.

She should learn how to cook and this is probably also an early lesson in “a man is not a plan.” This is the kind of girl that is gojng to think twice before getting married because why get saddled with a man when you’ll have to do all the work?

What’s going unsaid in this thread is the answer to the bolded: control. This is about him showing her that he’s going to parent on his terms and he’s in charge and she can take it or leave it. Except she can’t leave it because she has to be at his house.

The people chiming in about making a kid learn to cook and learning to eat different things are missing what’s really going on here.

This, exactly this. Sounds like dad is purposely cooking things he’s knows his daughter doesn’t like. OP is justifiably upset. I am not one to be a “short order cook” for my house but I’m also not going to make every dinner something my kid doesn’t care for.

Op, you shouldn’t have to do this but firstly send her over with some oatmeal and honey. Super easy to microwave oatmeal in the morning and maybe also throw some fruit in if dad bothers to stock fruit.
For dinners it would help us to know what she likes. I agree you can teach her to cook a few things and send her with ingredients or you premake something and send it. It’s far from ideal but a teenager needs to be adequately fed.

[Anonymous]

OP do you take any responsibility in creating the monster? She is 16 not 4. If she doesn't like the food that her dad makes, she can most certainly make something herself or go to bed hungry. To cater to 16 years olds food pickiness is the height of lunacy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP do you take any responsibility in creating the monster? She is 16 not 4. If she doesn't like the food that her dad makes, she can most certainly make something herself or go to bed hungry. To cater to 16 years olds food pickiness is the height of lunacy.

I'm from a family of four kids and we only got to request specific dinners on our birthdays. I definitely also knew how to cook by 16.

[Anonymous]

This is a troll post people.

[Anonymous]

Why isn't she making food for herself if she doesn't like what he is making? She should make a shopping list for him.

[Anonymous]

It sounds like he doesn't want her there.

Yes, a 16 yr old can cook their own meals. But this kid is splitting time between two homes. The parents are only getting half the time they would in an intact family household which makes that time all the more precious. You would think her father would want her to have a pleasant evening when she's at his house so they can enjoy their time together, which would include sharing a meal that they can both eat. Unless this kid is extremely restricted in her eating and only eats like 3 food items, how hard is it to find a mutually agreeable dinner? Even if he doesn't cook and relies on prepared foods - there are enough prepared foods out there that there must be something they could both eat together. Continually and intentionally making food she doesn't like and then telling her to fend for herself for dinner treats her like an inconvenience and is a pretty clear signal she's not wanted there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he doesn't want her there.

Yes, a 16 yr old can cook their own meals. But this kid is splitting time between two homes. The parents are only getting half the time they would in an intact family household which makes that time all the more precious. You would think her father would want her to have a pleasant evening when she's at his house so they can enjoy their time together, which would include sharing a meal that they can both eat. Unless this kid is extremely restricted in her eating and only eats like 3 food items, how hard is it to find a mutually agreeable dinner? Even if he doesn't cook and relies on prepared foods - there are enough prepared foods out there that there must be something they could both eat together. Continually and intentionally making food she doesn't like and then telling her to fend for herself for dinner treats her like an inconvenience and is a pretty clear signal she's not wanted there.

This! Don’t most of you guys enjoy making food your family likes??

[Anonymous]

She needs to cook he own meals. You can send her oatmeal and ramen for emergencies. The problem is that he does not have her interests at heart, and if she's forced to go, she needs to be able to fend for herself. You could also give her a credit card, like an Apple Card, with a low daily limit, such as $15/day, so she can go out and buy health food and ingredients for herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It sounds like he doesn't want her there.

Yes, a 16 yr old can cook their own meals. But this kid is splitting time between two homes. The parents are only getting half the time they would in an intact family household which makes that time all the more precious. You would think her father would want her to have a pleasant evening when she's at his house so they can enjoy their time together, which would include sharing a meal that they can both eat. Unless this kid is extremely restricted in her eating and only eats like 3 food items, how hard is it to find a mutually agreeable dinner? Even if he doesn't cook and relies on prepared foods - there are enough prepared foods out there that there must be something they could both eat together. Continually and intentionally making food she doesn't like and then telling her to fend for herself for dinner treats her like an inconvenience and is a pretty clear signal she's not wanted there.

+1

Especially since she is going to bed hungry, so it's not like the sandwich or granola bar is satisfying her. It seems like she's not comfortable advocating for herself or taking enough food. Just speculating but I wouldn't be shocked if this is the type of dad that tells her to just eat a granola bar but would call her a pig if she proceeds to eat 3-4 granola bars, even if that's the equivalent calories to the meal that would have been served.

[Anonymous]

I'm not divorced, but dh and I don't make food for our kids to eat. We're not monsters. We make good dinners and expect kids to eat them. Alternative dinners aren't a thing. Minor adjustments are fine. My one child doesn't like cheese so I won't put cheese on his food and another doesn't like olives.

If your dh is actually cooking a dinner, I see nothing wrong in the fact that he won't cook an alternative dinner for a picky eater.

In particular, my dh occasionally cooks ethnic foods (Russian) because he wants his kids to grow up eating them and knowing the food. It's important to him and he has fond memories of his grandmas cooking them. They aren't popular with our kids, but I understand it.

[Anonymous]

OP, of course my daughter is capable of learning to cook. But when she's at her dad's house, she's still the child and he's the parent, so I think it's reasonable for him to make meals she'll actually eat. She shouldn’t have to make all her meals for herself at her age, I certainly didn’t.

She's 16, which is old enough to help in the kitchen, but she's still a kid. Her dad tends to cook a lot of fish (which she hates), salmon, and vegetable-heavy meals. Occasionally he'll make things like chicken, rice, burgers, or pizza, which she enjoys, but his diet is generally very different from hers.

My daughter isn’t a picky eater and eats a pretty wide range of foods. Sliders with mini beef or chicken burgers on sweet Hawaiian rolls, grilled chicken or steak skewers, Pasta dishes ( chicken Alfredo with fettuccine, lasagna, chicken Parmesan over marinara pasta, baked ziti with a cheesy mozzarella topping, penne alla vodka with chicken in a pink tomato-cream sauce, and chicken bacon ranch pasta bakes, etc). Tacos and burritos with beef or chicken and toppings she can add herself, chicken quesadillas, and chicken wraps. Teriyaki chicken over white rice, ramen with sliced chicken and egg, baked mac and cheese, beef and bean chili with cornbread, chicken noodle soup with thick egg noodles, and BBQ foods like ribs or grilled chicken served with fries. Overall, she’s pretty easy to feed and is happy with a variety of proteins, pastas, rice dishes, soups.

At this point, I think I just need to actually go and make meals for her once a week, and have her eat those meals throughout the week, or try my best to convince him to change up what he eats on the days she’s there, or ask him to make her something different.

[Anonymous]

You sound like you have created a drama queen monster.

[Anonymous]

If she is going to bed hungry I call B$!!
If she really was hungry she cud eat a bowl of cereal or make a sandwich!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, of course my daughter is capable of learning to cook. But when she's at her dad's house, she's still the child and he's the parent, so I think it's reasonable for him to make meals she'll actually eat. She shouldn’t have to make all her meals for herself at her age, I certainly didn’t.

She's 16, which is old enough to help in the kitchen, but she's still a kid. Her dad tends to cook a lot of fish (which she hates), salmon, and vegetable-heavy meals. Occasionally he'll make things like chicken, rice, burgers, or pizza, which she enjoys, but his diet is generally very different from hers.

My daughter isn’t a picky eater and eats a pretty wide range of foods. Sliders with mini beef or chicken burgers on sweet Hawaiian rolls, grilled chicken or steak skewers, Pasta dishes ( chicken Alfredo with fettuccine, lasagna, chicken Parmesan over marinara pasta, baked ziti with a cheesy mozzarella topping, penne alla vodka with chicken in a pink tomato-cream sauce, and chicken bacon ranch pasta bakes, etc). Tacos and burritos with beef or chicken and toppings she can add herself, chicken quesadillas, and chicken wraps. Teriyaki chicken over white rice, ramen with sliced chicken and egg, baked mac and cheese, beef and bean chili with cornbread, chicken noodle soup with thick egg noodles, and BBQ foods like ribs or grilled chicken served with fries. Overall, she’s pretty easy to feed and is happy with a variety of proteins, pastas, rice dishes, soups.

At this point, I think I just need to actually go and make meals for her once a week, and have her eat those meals throughout the week, or try my best to convince him to change up what he eats on the days she’s there, or ask him to make her something different.

I'm trying to figure out the issue. Is he too healthy of a cook for her? Do you think he's trying to get her to lose weight? If he's putting a fish on the grill, can't he add a chicken for her? I have zero issues with the vegetables because I think kids need more exposure to vegetables.

The things that you mention her liking don't seem to be very healthy. My family does eat them, but we eat more vegetables, fish and chicken than pasta/cheeseburgers/bbq.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like you have created a drama queen monster.

Mommy dearest gets up to cook breakfast every day for her 16 year old princcess, don't you know.