Is frugality in a high-earning woman a green flag or a red flag?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never tips or donated is a red flag.
You can debate tipping culture but not donating? Yikes.

Not tipping is a green flag.
When you tip, it supports the idea of paying service workers less. You might believe you're helping the workers, but in reality, you're just helping the employers get away with workers exploitation. If everyone decided to stop tipping, the employers would have to start paying a fair wage.

This argument only works if you don’t go out to eat. If you choose to go out to eat and not tip servers, despite knowing full well the wage system in place, then YOU are the one exploiting them.

[Anonymous]

Tipping culture is BS, but I regularly tip 20% at restaurants and personal care services (hair, nails, etc.)

I’m deeply concerned about the no donating. Unless she’s paying down massive debt, the fact that she has so little altruism for her fellow mankind is troubling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never tips or donated is a red flag.
You can debate tipping culture but not donating? Yikes.

That was the greenest flag of all, non-profits are BS.

Also, you have no idea how or where she donates. In my family, we celebrate birthdays and achievements and memorialize or honor people by sponsoring meals for students in a School for Blind in my native country. Very often we pay to get trees planted to honor someone. So these are not really donations

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tipping culture is BS, but I regularly tip 20% at restaurants and personal care services (hair, nails, etc.)

I’m deeply concerned about the no donating. Unless she’s paying down massive debt, the fact that she has so little altruism for her fellow mankind is troubling.

STFU. Charity begins at home. Maybe she is helping out family, or maybe she believes that everyone should become capable on their own.

[Anonymous]

Green flag all the way!!! There is not one thing that is wrong with this person.

[Anonymous]

Is she good looking?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Green flag all the way!!! There is not one thing that is wrong with this person.

Other than being a miserable cheapskate. But you can enjoy her company, you know, birds of feather and all...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Green flag all the way!!! There is not one thing that is wrong with this person.

Really? That kind of life sounds absolutely miserable.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is she good looking?

Hot.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Green flag all the way!!! There is not one thing that is wrong with this person.

Really? That kind of life sounds absolutely miserable.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m talking about someone who is a lawyer and makes very good money, but:

* never tips or donates
* almost never eats out, and if she does it’s always the cheapest place or the cheapest thing on the menu
* avoids things like concerts, sporting events, festivals, shows, spas, etc. because she it’s as a waste of money
* doesn’t spend money on entertainment, events, gifts, Ubers, clothes, etc.
* hates paying for convenience (delivery fees, checked bags, valet, subscriptions, etc.)
* travels a few times a year but always very cheaply (budget airlines/basic hotels/red-eyes/points deals)
* researches everything and buys the cheapest/highest-quality version of literally everything from toothpaste to furniture
* can’t fathom spending $200 on a dress or $2000 on coat

Would men see this as financially responsible and disciplined, or as overly cheap/miserly? Especially in dating, does this kind of mindset help or hurt?

. Is she generous in bed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it indicates trauma and anxiety and is also not fun. And never donating is morally wrong if you have a high income. Do not date.

Not true. It’s your money, you can do whatever you want with it.

Agree.

And if you do have income and pay w-2 income taxes to your federal, state and county/city, you’re already donating 30-50% of your earnings!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never tips or donated is a red flag.
You can debate tipping culture but not donating? Yikes.

Not tipping is a green flag.
When you tip, it supports the idea of paying service workers less. You might believe you're helping the workers, but in reality, you're just helping the employers get away with workers exploitation. If everyone decided to stop tipping, the employers would have to start paying a fair wage.

Go move to a VAT country where all the costs are on the menu then.
Here it’s a different model.

FYI bartenders love it. So do good service workers at real restaurants.

If you’re cheap you don’t eat out anyhow. So your tip avoidance usually doesn’t happen unless some friends drag you out and you make a cheap@ss fool of yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Frugality is not cheapness.

I can’t tell what’s going on with your persons weird list of habits. Volatile job? Came from poverty?

It’s ok to hate overpaying or be a value purchaser, not frivolous shopper.
It’s weird not to tip in America or stay at krappy hotels to save a buck. There’s a wide range here, it’s not like red roof hotel vs 4S.

Would agree there is a huge difference between the two.
A frugal person is not a bad companion. If they can splurge on themselves sometimes and enjoy the fruits of their labor, good. Maybe this person has student debt and is being very self disciplined.
A cheap person is a version of miserly. You can be cheap to yourself but refusing to tip and being cheap to wait staff is kind of awful. Are there charitable donations to meaningful organizations? Even a small amount to the local park one runs in regularly is about paying it forward. A high earner hoarding everything to oneself is kind of a spiritual poverty.

I love your post.

[Anonymous]

Red flag. Not tipping is different than not spending money on Starbucks. And not spending anything that helps you enjoy life more would be a downer to be around. That’s not my values so I’d be miserable with someone like this. I like to save, sure, but I’m not a miser.