Is frugality in a high-earning woman a green flag or a red flag?

[Anonymous]

Who would want to live like this? Not going to concerts, festivals and the like. You can't take the money when you die. Live life to the fullest. I have money in the bank but I also like to have fun.

[Anonymous]

If you want to be cheap with yourself, go ahead and do it. It will show in your appearance and lifestyle, but the only person who has to deal with the consequences is yourself. Being cheap with other people is a different matter. Not giving gifts when expected (weddings, graduation, etc.) and not tipping when expected breaks the social contract.

[Anonymous]

Money conscious and fiscally responsible is a huge green flag. Being so money conscious that you don't seem to live much of a life? Red flag.

[Anonymous]

I refuse to tip for things that didn't historically require a tip, like counter service at Starbucks. I do tip well at restaurants with wait staff or for delivery.

As a lawyer, I know some who hate their job and are saving aggressively to retire early, or at least switch fields. She could have personal goals.

[Anonymous]

Not tipping of concern as affects others/shows manners; others… whatever, their choice.

[Anonymous]

So what does this person do for fun?

[Anonymous]

Some of these are fine and a green flag. #1 is definitely cheap and mean-spirited, even if that is not the intent. A few of these would be kind of miserable in the long term like always choosing the cheapest option for everything.

[Anonymous]

Yellow flag

[Anonymous]

This is me except I do tip and donate and I am not cheap with others, just myself. I think it’s connected to anxiety or some sort of self loathing. No matter how much I have saved it doesn’t seem like enough.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m talking about someone who is a lawyer and makes very good money, but:

* never tips or donates
* almost never eats out, and if she does it’s always the cheapest place or the cheapest thing on the menu
* avoids things like concerts, sporting events, festivals, shows, spas, etc. because she it’s as a waste of money
* doesn’t spend money on entertainment, events, gifts, Ubers, clothes, etc.
* hates paying for convenience (delivery fees, checked bags, valet, subscriptions, etc.)
* travels a few times a year but always very cheaply (budget airlines/basic hotels/red-eyes/points deals)
* researches everything and buys the cheapest/highest-quality version of literally everything from toothpaste to furniture
* can’t fathom spending $200 on a dress or $2000 on coat

Would men see this as financially responsible and disciplined, or as overly cheap/miserly? Especially in dating, does this kind of mindset help or hurt?

The bold is the only one that would turn me off completely. I would be curious what she did spend money on because much of that is nonsense and makes good financial sense, but is all the money saved from this going to shoring up retirement for FIRE?

[Anonymous]

I am a saver and approve of most of this except the tip part. As a poor 80’s kid I grew up thinking most of the things above were only for rich people. I still have these habits even though I have more money now.

[Anonymous]

There are plenty of free concerts. This person sound like a homebody.

[Anonymous]

Frugality in a person being a green flag is entirely dependent on whether you view frugality as something to covet or something yo admonish.

I am frugal and she sounds like a dream but if I wasn't she'd be horrible. It all depends on your mindset.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m talking about someone who is a lawyer and makes very good money, but:

* never tips or donates
* almost never eats out, and if she does it’s always the cheapest place or the cheapest thing on the menu
* avoids things like concerts, sporting events, festivals, shows, spas, etc. because she it’s as a waste of money
* doesn’t spend money on entertainment, events, gifts, Ubers, clothes, etc.
* hates paying for convenience (delivery fees, checked bags, valet, subscriptions, etc.)
* travels a few times a year but always very cheaply (budget airlines/basic hotels/red-eyes/points deals)
* researches everything and buys the cheapest/highest-quality version of literally everything from toothpaste to furniture
* can’t fathom spending $200 on a dress or $2000 on coat

Would men see this as financially responsible and disciplined, or as overly cheap/miserly? Especially in dating, does this kind of mindset help or hurt?

I'm like this, except for the bolded. I think they are green flags, but since no one ever asks me on a date, maybe they are red.

The thing is you can't change who you are. My parents were like this, too. And my parents are not struggling in retirement unlike a couple of their friends who are supporting their middle-aged children because they did not pass down frugality as a value.

To the person who said it was the sign of a low-maintenance woman, I totally agree. I am low maintenance. But I'm beginning to see that most men really don't want a low-maintenance woman, regardless of what they say.

I love my low maintenance woman.

You need to be assertive and not wait for the Don Juan's chase you. Find a low maintenance man and grab him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m talking about someone who is a lawyer and makes very good money, but:

* never tips or donates
* almost never eats out, and if she does it’s always the cheapest place or the cheapest thing on the menu
* avoids things like concerts, sporting events, festivals, shows, spas, etc. because she it’s as a waste of money
* doesn’t spend money on entertainment, events, gifts, Ubers, clothes, etc.
* hates paying for convenience (delivery fees, checked bags, valet, subscriptions, etc.)
* travels a few times a year but always very cheaply (budget airlines/basic hotels/red-eyes/points deals)
* researches everything and buys the cheapest/highest-quality version of literally everything from toothpaste to furniture
* can’t fathom spending $200 on a dress or $2000 on coat

Would men see this as financially responsible and disciplined, or as overly cheap/miserly? Especially in dating, does this kind of mindset help or hurt?

I'm like this, except for the bolded. I think they are green flags, but since no one ever asks me on a date, maybe they are red.

The thing is you can't change who you are. My parents were like this, too. And my parents are not struggling in retirement unlike a couple of their friends who are supporting their middle-aged children because they did not pass down frugality as a value.

To the person who said it was the sign of a low-maintenance woman, I totally agree. I am low maintenance. But I'm beginning to see that most men really don't want a low-maintenance woman, regardless of what they say.

This is accurate.

Most men think they want a low maintenance woman and would love this woman at first, because they see stereotypically “feminine” purchases as frivolous and a waste of money. However, they also expect women to magically look like 10s, which of course is impossible.

They are also going to want her to help pay for all the events, concerts, restaurants, and trips they go to together. So she’ll be basically financing someone else’s life, since she doesn’t want to go these things.

Her dating pool is going to be pretty limited, but if she’s happy with the way she is, that’s okay.