Is frugality in a high-earning woman a green flag or a red flag?
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Anonymous
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I’m talking about someone who is a lawyer and makes very good money, but:
* never tips or donates * almost never eats out, and if she does it’s always the cheapest place or the cheapest thing on the menu * avoids things like concerts, sporting events, festivals, shows, spas, etc. because she it’s as a waste of money * doesn’t spend money on entertainment, events, gifts, Ubers, clothes, etc. * hates paying for convenience (delivery fees, checked bags, valet, subscriptions, etc.) * travels a few times a year but always very cheaply (budget airlines/basic hotels/red-eyes/points deals) * researches everything and buys the cheapest/highest-quality version of literally everything from toothpaste to furniture * can’t fathom spending $200 on a dress or $2000 on coat Would men see this as financially responsible and disciplined, or as overly cheap/miserly? Especially in dating, does this kind of mindset help or hurt? |
Anonymous
| Most successful men will see this as a green flag. These are signs of a very low maintenance woman. |
Anonymous
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Frugality is not cheapness.
I can’t tell what’s going on with your persons weird list of habits. Volatile job? Came from poverty? It’s ok to hate overpaying or be a value purchaser, not frivolous shopper. It’s weird not to tip in America or stay at krappy hotels to save a buck. There’s a wide range here, it’s not like red roof hotel vs 4S. |
Anonymous
Sounds fine. Maybe she has law school debt to pay off or will spend $2000 on a coat (plus tax!) once she hits her net worth number. I like how she goes for high quality at best price. Sounds like a good way not to piss away your after tax money. |
Anonymous
| I think it indicates trauma and anxiety and is also not fun. And never donating is morally wrong if you have a high income. Do not date. |
Anonymous
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Im like this. Maybe not quiet that- i love concerts but id never pay over face value.
Its generational trauma for me. |
Anonymous
| This person sounds cheap and no fun. |
Anonymous
Would agree there is a huge difference between the two. A frugal person is not a bad companion. If they can splurge on themselves sometimes and enjoy the fruits of their labor, good. Maybe this person has student debt and is being very self disciplined. A cheap person is a version of miserly. You can be cheap to yourself but refusing to tip and being cheap to wait staff is kind of awful. Are there charitable donations to meaningful organizations? Even a small amount to the local park one runs in regularly is about paying it forward. A high earner hoarding everything to oneself is kind of a spiritual poverty. |
Anonymous
| Does she not tip when it is expected, like at a restaurant? |
Anonymous
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My husband has a 25M and goes about in his clean but worn clothes from years ago. When he's forced to buy new ones because there are too many holes in his, he picks the cheapest ones. He's usually very budget conscious, except for his children's education.
Some people just don't give a fig about appearances or what "they should do" and just live their lives however the heck they want. Often they're on the spectrum, because being autistic typically depresses the importance of societal norms. |
Anonymous
| Not tipping where it is expected is just cheap and poor manners. The rest wouldn’t bother me as much, but if your financial values don’t align then don’t date this person. |
Anonymous
| Mostly green. |
Anonymous
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The person you described if cheap and may have some mental thing going on.
Please don't call her frugal. It's insulting to the people who are frugal. I probably insulted people who do have mental problems and don't do the things she does. You forgot to add things she does spend money on like health, housing, friends/family. Red flags all over your post. Does she take everything to extreme? |
Anonymous
I'm like this, except for the bolded. I think they are green flags, but since no one ever asks me on a date, maybe they are red. The thing is you can't change who you are. My parents were like this, too. And my parents are not struggling in retirement unlike a couple of their friends who are supporting their middle-aged children because they did not pass down frugality as a value. To the person who said it was the sign of a low-maintenance woman, I totally agree. I am low maintenance. But I'm beginning to see that most men really don't want a low-maintenance woman, regardless of what they say. |
Anonymous
This person sucks and would suck to be around |