Is frugality in a high-earning woman a green flag or a red flag?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think it indicates trauma and anxiety and is also not fun. And never donating is morally wrong if you have a high income. Do not date.

Not true. It’s your money, you can do whatever you want with it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:There are plenty of free concerts. This person sound like a homebody.

She may be going for free concerts. Not enough information.

Or she may have a hobby group or passion Op does not know about. Or she could have a life you did not know about!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never tips or donated is a red flag.
You can debate tipping culture but not donating? Yikes.

That was the greenest flag of all, non-profits are BS.

[Anonymous]

Not tipping donating or giving gifts are red flags.

Never ever spending on concerts or medium nice clothes is a yellow flag to me. It could be fine in the right person, but it could also be an indicator that they don’t experience joy or appreciate beauty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a 25M and goes about in his clean but worn clothes from years ago. When he's forced to buy new ones because there are too many holes in his, he picks the cheapest ones. He's usually very budget conscious, except for his children's education.

Some people just don't give a fig about appearances or what "they should do" and just live their lives however the heck they want. Often they're on the spectrum, because being autistic typically depresses the importance of societal norms.

If he always picks the cheapest clothes, that’s a sign that he DOES, in fact, “give a fig” - he cares about the appearance of being wise with money.

It’s not necessarily a virtue.

PP you replied to. I entirely agree with you that none of the things described are virtues, and I'm glad we're discussing the nuances of being frugal, vs being cheap and how it affects relationships. But you're wrong about my husband caring about how he appears to others. Why would anyone know how much he spent on his clothes? And he doesn't pick the ones that look nice! I'm a clothes horse. It's hilarious we ended up together

[Anonymous]

Red flag
No empathy, no class

[Anonymous]

I grew up in a lower income immigrant family. I'm frugal. That person is just plain cheap. Red flag.

The no tipping, cheapest flights (red eye), budget hotel (are we talking Motel 6?)... that screams "I have issues with money" unless you really are poor.

FWIW, I wouldn't pay $1000 for concert tix but I would maybe $200.

The girl has issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This person sounds cheap and no fun.

This. But she might like to stay home a lot, which could lead to longer than average time in bed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Never tips or donated is a red flag.
You can debate tipping culture but not donating? Yikes.

Not tipping is a green flag.
When you tip, it supports the idea of paying service workers less. You might believe you're helping the workers, but in reality, you're just helping the employers get away with workers exploitation. If everyone decided to stop tipping, the employers would have to start paying a fair wage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Red flag
No empathy, no class

Yes. When I was younger, my grandmother loved to take me out for dinner but she didn't tip. Eventually I tried to tip for her. She became upset. I told her I wouldn't go out with her anymore unless she gave a regular 15 percent tip. After that she usually insisted on eating at home. She had empathy, more or less, but she grew up very poor and it scarred her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never tips or donated is a red flag.
You can debate tipping culture but not donating? Yikes.

Not tipping is a green flag.
When you tip, it supports the idea of paying service workers less. You might believe you're helping the workers, but in reality, you're just helping the employers get away with workers exploitation. If everyone decided to stop tipping, the employers would have to start paying a fair wage.

I can't tell if this is a joke. If it's serious, it's exploiting waiters. Would higher wages or a standard service charge be better? Sure.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This person sounds cheap and no fun.

+2

I admire the dedication but this is pathological.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Never tips or donated is a red flag.
You can debate tipping culture but not donating? Yikes.

Not tipping is a green flag.
When you tip, it supports the idea of paying service workers less. You might believe you're helping the workers, but in reality, you're just helping the employers get away with workers exploitation. If everyone decided to stop tipping, the employers would have to start paying a fair wage.

Cheapskate mentality and justification. You have never worked a day in your life in the service industry.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This person sounds cheap and no fun.

This.
No tipping is horrible, all the rest is just being needlessly cheap. As for the dress being too expensive at $200, what kind of law firm employs her, the ambulance chasers? Most reputable firms want their employees to look presentable, and you can't show up at work in a dress from Walmart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My husband has a 25M and goes about in his clean but worn clothes from years ago. When he's forced to buy new ones because there are too many holes in his, he picks the cheapest ones. He's usually very budget conscious, except for his children's education.

Some people just don't give a fig about appearances or what "they should do" and just live their lives however the heck they want. Often they're on the spectrum, because being autistic typically depresses the importance of societal norms.

If he always picks the cheapest clothes, that’s a sign that he DOES, in fact, “give a fig” - he cares about the appearance of being wise with money.

It’s not necessarily a virtue.

PP you replied to. I entirely agree with you that none of the things described are virtues, and I'm glad we're discussing the nuances of being frugal, vs being cheap and how it affects relationships. But you're wrong about my husband caring about how he appears to others. Why would anyone know how much he spent on his clothes? And he doesn't pick the ones that look nice! I'm a clothes horse. It's hilarious we ended up together

You’re equating caring about how one appears to others with trying to look nice. If he is ALWAYS choosing the cheapest clothes (not just that he happens to often choose cheap clothes) AND he doesn’t even choose nice looking clothes, it actually indicates that it is important to him that he LOOKS LIKE he buys cheap clothes.

Signaling doesn’t just go in one direction. Looking cheap is clearly important to him. WHY that matters to him is the unknown, but a wealthy man doesn’t buy cheap and cheap looking clothes by accident.