Husband wants kids to pay for college tuition

[Anonymous]

I'm a little surprised at the uniform reactions on this one. Plenty of people I know went to college with zero help from parents.

Of course there is a ton of life long resentment for it. So your husband and you should be prepared for that.

The other thing is the kids will be forced to make 1 of 2 choices: take a lucrative career they might not like or decide they aren't financially stable enough to have kids. So you all also may need to accept not having grandkids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little surprised at the uniform reactions on this one. Plenty of people I know went to college with zero help from parents.

Of course there is a ton of life long resentment for it. So your husband and you should be prepared for that.

The other thing is the kids will be forced to make 1 of 2 choices: take a lucrative career they might not like or decide they aren't financially stable enough to have kids. So you all also may need to accept not having grandkids.

Are they your age? The college finance game has changed dramatically in 25 years.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little surprised at the uniform reactions on this one. Plenty of people I know went to college with zero help from parents.

Of course there is a ton of life long resentment for it. So your husband and you should be prepared for that.

The other thing is the kids will be forced to make 1 of 2 choices: take a lucrative career they might not like or decide they aren't financially stable enough to have kids. So you all also may need to accept not having grandkids.

Plenty of people you know from when? 1990? It’s 2026 and college cost is much, much more now. Plus parental income, if higher, is going to exclude your kid from getting student loans.

[Anonymous]

I had skin in the game with student loans so make them either take out a small amount in loans ($5500 a year I just heard if the max fed loan) OR you loan them $10K/year and make them pay it back.

I will say my credit score is higher than my husband's because of student loans but my stress level was, too (before I paid them off).

I get wanting skin in the game but there is a lot of room between all and nothing on this one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little surprised at the uniform reactions on this one. Plenty of people I know went to college with zero help from parents.

Of course there is a ton of life long resentment for it. So your husband and you should be prepared for that.

The other thing is the kids will be forced to make 1 of 2 choices: take a lucrative career they might not like or decide they aren't financially stable enough to have kids. So you all also may need to accept not having grandkids.

Are they your age? The college finance game has changed dramatically in 25 years.

Fairly recently, I had about 140K in loans with my parents. I also had friends with divorced parents where one parent refused to help so it was my friend and their other parent that had to take out all the loans.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little surprised at the uniform reactions on this one. Plenty of people I know went to college with zero help from parents.

Of course there is a ton of life long resentment for it. So your husband and you should be prepared for that.

The other thing is the kids will be forced to make 1 of 2 choices: take a lucrative career they might not like or decide they aren't financially stable enough to have kids. So you all also may need to accept not having grandkids.

Are they your age? The college finance game has changed dramatically in 25 years.

Fairly recently, I had about 140K in loans with my parents. I also had friends with divorced parents where one parent refused to help so it was my friend and their other parent that had to take out all the loans.

Your parents loaned you the money? Did they charge interest? What was the repayment term?

You can’t get student loans in excess of about 37k total for undergrad without a parent co-signer.

[Anonymous]

I worked all through college and a higher than minimum wage job. Typically I worked 12-24 hrs per week, more on breaks and in summer. No way could I have saved enough for full time tuition. Luckily I had a full tuition scholarship. My rent, food, gas, insurance and travel, incidentals (nothing extravagant) ate up most of my money with maybe a couple hundred saved each month. Plus this was in early 2000s at an in state public school- it was hard then. It would be impossible now

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little surprised at the uniform reactions on this one. Plenty of people I know went to college with zero help from parents.

Of course there is a ton of life long resentment for it. So your husband and you should be prepared for that.

The other thing is the kids will be forced to make 1 of 2 choices: take a lucrative career they might not like or decide they aren't financially stable enough to have kids. So you all also may need to accept not having grandkids.

Are they your age? The college finance game has changed dramatically in 25 years.

Fairly recently, I had about 140K in loans with my parents. I also had friends with divorced parents where one parent refused to help so it was my friend and their other parent that had to take out all the loans.

Your parents loaned you the money? Did they charge interest? What was the repayment term?

You can’t get student loans in excess of about 37k total for undergrad without a parent co-signer.

They cosigned and I was responsible for making payments. That's usually the arrangement friends had with parents that refused to pay for college.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My husband thinks our kids should pay for their own college tuition. His view is that it’s their education, and paying for it themselves will teach responsibility—that they’re adults and don’t need mom and dad footing the bill, and that it creates spoiled entitled brats.
That’s how I was raised too. My parents made me and my four younger siblings pay our own way. I chose a pretty expensive school, and we all managed, but it definitely wasn’t easy.

The difference is that my husband had his college fully paid for, as did his two siblings.
When we got married, I still had about $60,000 left in student loans from my private undergrad, and graduate degrees and thankfully my in-laws were kind enough to pay off the rest of my loans, which I was incredibly grateful for.

On one hand, I do think there’s value in having some skin in the game. On the other hand, I know firsthand how heavy that burden can feel, and I’m not sure I want that for our kids since we’re in the position to help.

I also think about my career and how my own student debt impacted me. During college and grad school, I worked multiple jobs to help pay off my loans and was really careful about my spending. I put almost every paycheck toward my debt and was responsible about not overspending. I’m proud of how I managed it, but I also know how hard it was, and how long it took me to feel financially stable.

My husband, on the other hand, is a corporate, and has never had to pay loans. He believes our kids can learn responsibility the same way I did—by working hard and managing their own finances. He thinks that by earning and managing their own money, our kids will learn responsibility too. But when I point out that his parents paid for his college and that he’s still a responsible person,he still says we shouldn’t do the same for our kids. He believes they should handle it themselves.

For those who’ve been through this debate with your husband—did you have your kids pay their own way, contribute partially, or cover it for them? Do you feel like it actually made a difference in terms of responsibility, or just added stress and debt?

3 DC all in college through overlapping years. 1 went to UMD instate, 1 went out of state private, and 1 went out of state to a non-flagship public school (with scholarship included it was cheaper than UMD). We ended up paying for everything because we could afford it but considered having DC take out loans for the private college which was exponentially more expensive than other similarly ranked schools that she was accepted to. At the end of the day, it’s not 100% that these extra loans to pay off will benefit your child’s discipline. If you can’t afford the school they want to go to, explain how their school choice could impact their future. If you can afford to pay it but won’t because of some lessons to teach, you’re wrong.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the consensus opinion here. I hope OP will check back in to let us know her reaction. I’m very curious to know whether her DH is just completely clueless or whether something more nefarious is going on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I’m saying this as someone who didn’t have parental support for undergrad or graduate school, and got through on scholarships and working, I disagree wholeheartedly with your husband. Your husband sounds like an a$$.

💯agree! It taught me nothing, held me back a bit, and made me feel terrible about my family. Our dcs have/had full tuition paid. They all have had great grades, internships, and two graduated on time. One will have an additional semester. We did expect them to work in summer or pt if they wanted for spending money. All great kids, well- traveled and not at all entitled. I do not get your dh’s sentiments at all. I would never do that to my dcs ( and like most have stated …it’s not 10-20k a year but 30-40 at even in state!) How hypocritical of him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little surprised at the uniform reactions on this one. Plenty of people I know went to college with zero help from parents.

Of course there is a ton of life long resentment for it. So your husband and you should be prepared for that.

The other thing is the kids will be forced to make 1 of 2 choices: take a lucrative career they might not like or decide they aren't financially stable enough to have kids. So you all also may need to accept not having grandkids.

Are they your age? The college finance game has changed dramatically in 25 years.

Fairly recently, I had about 140K in loans with my parents. I also had friends with divorced parents where one parent refused to help so it was my friend and their other parent that had to take out all the loans.

Your parents loaned you the money? Did they charge interest? What was the repayment term?

You can’t get student loans in excess of about 37k total for undergrad without a parent co-signer.

They cosigned and I was responsible for making payments. That's usually the arrangement friends had with parents that refused to pay for college.

Their parents refused to pay for college but willingly cosigned on loans?

[Anonymous]

Op do you have daughters? If so prepare for them to strip or do only fans. It’s basically one of the only ways a young woman can pay for her own college without taking out massive loans.

Source - found myself on my own at 18 and stripped to pay for college in cash.

I always laugh at that Chris rock bit about how his job is to “keep his baby girl off the pole”. The way to do that is to help them with college and if they get pregnant at a young age help support them. I worked with so many girls who found themselves on their own at 18 and supported themselves by stripping.

If you can offer financial support you should.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is your husband planning to leave when the kids turn 18, wash his hands off them and start a new family? His position doesn’t make any sense otherwise.

Or maybe sooner. The whole thing seems sus.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm a little surprised at the uniform reactions on this one. Plenty of people I know went to college with zero help from parents.

Of course there is a ton of life long resentment for it. So your husband and you should be prepared for that.

The other thing is the kids will be forced to make 1 of 2 choices: take a lucrative career they might not like or decide they aren't financially stable enough to have kids. So you all also may need to accept not having grandkids.

Are they your age? The college finance game has changed dramatically in 25 years.

Fairly recently, I had about 140K in loans with my parents. I also had friends with divorced parents where one parent refused to help so it was my friend and their other parent that had to take out all the loans.

Your parents loaned you the money? Did they charge interest? What was the repayment term?

You can’t get student loans in excess of about 37k total for undergrad without a parent co-signer.

They cosigned and I was responsible for making payments. That's usually the arrangement friends had with parents that refused to pay for college.

What was your major? You paid $1,700 a month in year 2010 dollars for a decade? My first job out of school paid $37,000 a year in 2015. No way I could've possibly afforded that, even with having many roommates.