Husband wants kids to pay for college tuition

[Anonymous]

I had my kids take out $5000 a year in loan so that they could have “skin in the game”.

So they graduate graduated with $20,000 in student loans. I ended up paying off about 7000 of that because they had higher interest rates and then my kids are paying the ones that are 3%.

You have a husband problem. Also, you have your own money so you don’t need your husband’s permission to pay their tuition.

I guess I’m wondering why you need your husband’s permission to spend your own money?

[Anonymous]

This is something you need to discuss in counseling. Colleges factor in parental income and assets, full stop. Does he want his kids to be legally emancipated so that is not the case? There are reasonable compromises, like agreeing only to in-state public colleges or a school that provides merit aid to make the cost equivalent or less. But his position is not a reasonable one in 2026.

[Anonymous]

I’m saying this as someone who didn’t have parental support for undergrad or graduate school, and got through on scholarships and working, I disagree wholeheartedly with your husband. Your husband sounds like an a$$.

[Anonymous]

Are you sure he's not just cheap?

How old are the kids? It's not clear if these are babies and he doesn't want to set aside money each month because he'd rather put it toward retirement or maximizing lifestyle, or they're teens and he's worried about paying out of cashflow.

The further you are from college, the less you know about what the landscape and the economy will be like, so it would be advisable to be saving. You could stress the tax advantages of a 529 and at least put the minimum there. You could discuss having them ready to pay for half of college, with scholarships counting towards that. Explain you don't want to end up in a situation where you haven't saved for college and need to drain retirement accounts with a penalty.

[Anonymous]

If you have high HHI, your kids will be completely screwed by the FAFSA - they won't qualify for need-based aid because of YOUR income.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your financial situation matters here. If your HHI is 200k or less, your child will receive financial aid and can probably manage the rest on loans.

If you have a higher HHI, your kid will be on the hook for the entire cost and that is not fair to the kid. That means you have the money or didn’t save properly, which it sounds like you didn’t save specifically for college.

As others have pointed out, this is not the 80s or 90s. Private college will be 400k after all the extras. I guess your kid can go in state. Most people may go in state to be debt free. It would be crummy to make them go in state and also make the kid still take on debt.

No. The “under 200K” thing ONLY applies if you don’t have savings. Read the fine print.

OP, if you guys can afford it, what your husband proposes is super crappy and greedy. Have the kids help pay, but if parents have money, they will not qualify for financial aid and will end up deeply in debt. They’ll actually be worse off than if you were poor, in terms of paying for college.

[Anonymous]

If its about feeling responsibility you have them take out loans and then you pay them off after each successful semester.

How old are your kids and how did this never come up?

This, as a compromise with your DH

Op, we need to know if you have the money to pay or what he's been spending on instead. You do know, right?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It screws kids to have a parent do this because the whole system assumes parental support.

+1. If you are poor (or poor on paper), this is fine. But financial aid and college prices assume middle class and wealthier people have saved. Your husband is an idiot (or there is something going on with finances that you aren't privy to).

Maybe there is a compromise with your husband? Would he be willing to pay for cheapest option (living at home then community college to state school?). This would at least give your kids some $$ for college. They can then decide to take out loans if they want to do something different (or earn scholarships).

[Anonymous]

Have them take out loans and then you can pay it off after they graduate if they worked hard.

[Anonymous]

OP, without you responding back, it's easy to think you've been clueless about family finances

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had my kids take out $5000 a year in loan so that they could have “skin in the game”.

So they graduate graduated with $20,000 in student loans. I ended up paying off about 7000 of that because they had higher interest rates and then my kids are paying the ones that are 3%.

You have a husband problem. Also, you have your own money so you don’t need your husband’s permission to pay their tuition.

I guess I’m wondering why you need your husband’s permission to spend your own money?

1. You are a terrible parent. "Skin in the game" is a myth. I am surrounded by kids who take college seriously (even the party types), and none of them pay a cent for their undergrad. My friend who was low-income when her kids went to college still paid as much as she could. Her kids started in community college and graduated from UMD. One of them went on to Johns Hopkins.

2. You are also stupid financially. Forcing them to go into debt and then paying off part of it means you are paying interest on something that could have come with zero interest.

It's both dumb and cruel. Seriously. What were you thinking?

[Anonymous]

Or let them take out loans for tuition and you can buy a house with them. Let them rent out the other rooms for additional cash to help pay for tuition or extra living expenses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had my kids take out $5000 a year in loan so that they could have “skin in the game”.

So they graduate graduated with $20,000 in student loans. I ended up paying off about 7000 of that because they had higher interest rates and then my kids are paying the ones that are 3%.

You have a husband problem. Also, you have your own money so you don’t need your husband’s permission to pay their tuition.

I guess I’m wondering why you need your husband’s permission to spend your own money?

1. You are a terrible parent. "Skin in the game" is a myth. I am surrounded by kids who take college seriously (even the party types), and none of them pay a cent for their undergrad. My friend who was low-income when her kids went to college still paid as much as she could. Her kids started in community college and graduated from UMD. One of them went on to Johns Hopkins.

2. You are also stupid financially. Forcing them to go into debt and then paying off part of it means you are paying interest on something that could have come with zero interest.

It's both dumb and cruel. Seriously. What were you thinking?

+1. Skin in the game is not rich people thinking.

[Anonymous]

I don’t get “skin in the game” because I don’t see how $10k or $100k is more important than your own life being in it. I can see $100k making you choose a different path, like a different college, but not caring vs not caring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have them take out loans and then you can pay it off after they graduate if they worked hard.

No. Debt comes with interest on top of capital. If you borrow, you end up paying more for the product than if you paid with your own money. The only advantage to paying with borrowed money is if you think you can invest your own during that time, and get higher returns than the interest you will have to pay on the loan. And in these tumultuous stock market times, I would not make that bet... I have before, and it's worked well for me (I invested in Apple, Amazon, Nvidia, and other tech). But right now? Nope.

This is of course in OP's context, where it seems that not paying is a (bad) parenting choice. So bad, in fact, that posters have wondered whether the money just isn't there. In which case, the financially healthy solution is for the kids to attend community college first, then transfer to a state college, to minimize the amount of loans.