Husband wants kids to pay for college tuition

[Anonymous]

I'm the oldest of 3 siblings, all humanities majors with no grad school. I make over $500K and my siblings each make over $200K. We have jobs we love and work/life balance that allows us to devote time to our families.

My DH has a business degree from an equally good school and makes less than I do. It's not all about major. It's about grit, work ethic, ambition, motivation.

[Anonymous]

Co-sign for a loan in their name so they can pay back the student loans. It took me 10 years, but that's how my parents handled it. Also, I went to community college for 1 year first and went to a private liberal arts college for only 3 years where I became eligible for more financial aid.

I finished my masters at night, later down the road on my own dime.

There is more than 1 way to skin a cat.

[Anonymous]

He sounds selfish and rigid.

I had to take out student loans, which took me decades to repay.

It is hard enough foryoung adults starting out today, without that burden.

I am happy my daughter did not incur debt for her education..,though I did require her to work in her college summers and contribute (modestly) to her tuition.

[Anonymous]

I would probably divorce my husband and get a court order for him to pay their college over this.

It is MUCH harder to get a start in life today and having loans that cannot be discharged in bankruptcy is not it.

Is your husband expecting unpaid old age caregiving? If so, he needs to smarten up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds selfish and rigid.

I had to take out student loans, which took me decades to repay.

It is hard enough foryoung adults starting out today, without that burden.

I am happy my daughter did not incur debt for her education..,though I did require her to work in her college summers and contribute (modestly) to her tuition.

Nothing wrong with a part time job to understand the value of time and money.

Saddling a kid with 5 figures of debt when you could have paid is pretty evil

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Honestly sounds a little rich on your husbands part.
College costs have risen like crazy. Do you want your kid to start their career $100-300K in debt? If not pray for instate. It all depends on whether you want them to live at home, delay grad school, home ownership, starting a family. Those are the trade offs.

I can tell you right now, if your children are hitting sandwich years, having small kids while you are old and medically needy, do not have a house (or are house poor) and are paying off student loans, they will be struggling to keep their heads out of water and you can forget about them helping you simply because they will not be able to. They are likely to move away chasing jobs and cheaper housing and will not even be in the same state.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have them take out loans and then you can pay it off after they graduate if they worked hard.

Oh, so if they flunk out they can have 5-6 figures in debt they can't possibly pay off. And they can't discharge in bankruptcy. Fantastic idea.

Maybe if their debt problems get bad enough they won't even be able to rent a decent apartment. That would really be personality building.

[Anonymous]

Make them pay. Period.

The will not respect the opportunity if they don't. If they get great grades first semester pay the bill. If not leave em high and dry.

[Anonymous]

I don’t think it has to be all or nothing. I personally had to pay for college myself, but my family was low income so I qualified for a lot of financial aid. My parents’ contribution was making sure I only applied to schools that would meet 100% of demonstrated need.

I worked throughout the school year and paid for the majority of my expected family contribution. I graduated with 15k in debt that mostly came from studying abroad (when I couldn’t work and pay my expected family contribution and when I took out loans beyond living basic expenses so I could travel and take advantage of the opportunity).

I learned a lot about managing money while in school in a supported environment where the stakes were relatively low. I made mistakes, but I was able to learn from them without risking my housing or going hungry. Friends who had everything paid for struggled more with money management after college and more than one of my college friends reached out to me for advice.

I think if you don’t want to pay for college, as the parent you should give your child clear guardrails so they don’t take on more debt than is reasonable. Help them to proactively seek out scholarships, strategically apply to schools that offer merit based aid to students with their profile, pick schools that are less expensive - including schools abroad, encourage community college first, let them live at home while going to college locally. These are all things that you have to talk about early because if you don’t, your child has likely been holding onto the idea of a traditional college experience in their head, and it may be harder to steer them away from that idea. Or they may have missed the boat entirely on some of these options.

Conversely, you can also save/pay for the majority of college and expect them to contribute a smaller portion of their costs. I generally believe all kids should work for their fun spending in college, though that’s largely informed by the number of kids I met at my Ivy league school who spent huge amounts of their parents money on drugs, alcohol, clothes and purses.

If you say nothing, let them apply to any and every school they want and let them take out loans for the full cost, that’s when I think you’ve failed your kids.

[Anonymous]

Maybe it's DH's way to make sure they won't apply to $60K+ colleges, but will help a little.
An immigrant here, so pardon my English.
Our DC started NVCC with 30 credits from a DC high school. He is hoping to become a resident by the time he transfers to GMU (cyber security) to get in-state tuition.
He got a job in October, has VA DL, bought a car, has a rental agreement, bought his own health insurance, signed up to vote in VA, is building his credit, filed taxes independently and even got a refund.
Community college is an easy A. He has been working 30+ hours a week to keep busy and is about to become a server making $40+ an hour.
Comes out that he loves to work. Didn't see that coming at all as he had refused to work at age 16-17. Yesterday he worked from 10 am to 1 am with 1-hour lunch break. Thank you, 360.
He wouldn't have been happy in a 4-year college doing whatever college kids do together. I'm so glad he knew it.
Having the car 24/7, having his own money, and no rules about being back at home, had made such a difference in how he feels about life. Adult life is not on hold for him while in college. It already started.
Work, friends, and co-workers are very big part of his life right now.
We started a Roth IRA and an investment account already. Starting those early is very important as life has shown. He is not that interested, because he has plenty to keep him busy. I'll deal with investing for him for now.
I have paid about $15k in cash since September for the community college and he has $25k in 529.The rest he needs to earn.
Seeing a co-worker make $500 in a day while he runs food for $18 an hour, is great motivator.
How and how much to pay for college is very personal to each family with so many things to consider.
I didn't want to be bothered with DC Tag for example. Changing states seemed like a better option. I also need to be careful with 529 disbursement and DC's independence and taxes. His 529 money may go to his younger sibling after all. I'll make it up to him.

[Anonymous]

For the record…DC TAG is simple to claim and many state schools will actually just knock $15k off your bill (you can’t go below in state tuition) and just bill you the remainder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Silly. Have them work summers for spending money.

This!

[Anonymous]

College isn’t what it used to be. All you need to do is take a look at the Moscow Idaho 4 case to see that. I’m not paying for my kids to get blackout drunk every day of the week and pass out on the floor of some unsecured party house. That’s what college kids do without their unsuspecting parents knowing. Argue if you want to. My view isn’t changing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:College isn’t what it used to be. All you need to do is take a look at the Moscow Idaho 4 case to see that. I’m not paying for my kids to get blackout drunk every day of the week and pass out on the floor of some unsecured party house. That’s what college kids do without their unsuspecting parents knowing. Argue if you want to. My view isn’t changing.

What’s your definition of “what it used to be”.

Animal House was released in the 1970s based on the stories of the writers’ times at Dartmouth.

Are you like talking about pre-1960?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:College isn’t what it used to be. All you need to do is take a look at the Moscow Idaho 4 case to see that. I’m not paying for my kids to get blackout drunk every day of the week and pass out on the floor of some unsecured party house. That’s what college kids do without their unsuspecting parents knowing. Argue if you want to. My view isn’t changing.

What’s your definition of “what it used to be”.

Animal House was released in the 1970s based on the stories of the writers’ times at Dartmouth.

Are you like talking about pre-1960?

The average college student took their studies more seriously back then. There was more moderation, more of a work rather than “play” mindset. It’s now almost exclusively about partying and the “experience”. A lot of parents are naive to this fact (or simply don’t want to acknowledge it). Not me. I’m not of the mindset that my kids are going to be any better at avoiding that. I know better.

A good friend of mine’s 19 YO daughter had to drop out because she got pregnant. That was a waste of money for them.