Friend is upset because her kid was cut from a team and mine made it

[Anonymous]

I would do the slow fade on this mother. Mindful of her loss, cognizant of her tendency for manipulation, and prayerful for her remaining child.

[Anonymous]

Does the friend's son even WANT someone to talk with the coach? I understand OP's friend is trying to navigate the family's loss and probably feels making the team after the fact would be best for her son; but as one poster mentioned, he would probably be embarrassed to know that's how he made the team. There are many wonderful ways to continue supporting the family through their grief, but the ask of OP isn't it. +1 to all the suggestions that the friend's son talk with the coach. If the coach isn't aware of the family's loss, maybe OP could share what happened before the friend's son talks with the coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Does the friend's son even WANT someone to talk with the coach? I understand OP's friend is trying to navigate the family's loss and probably feels making the team after the fact would be best for her son; but as one poster mentioned, he would probably be embarrassed to know that's how he made the team. There are many wonderful ways to continue supporting the family through their grief, but the ask of OP isn't it. +1 to all the suggestions that the friend's son talk with the coach. If the coach isn't aware of the family's loss, maybe OP could share what happened before the friend's son talks with the coach.

And when I say for the friend's son to talk with the coach, I agree with many previous posters that he could talk about improving skills, etc. - not about getting a spot on the team!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't bring up team manager. I don't think that is a good role for a kid who got cut. (I don't think this should be a role to begin with, but I try to see some merits).

I would encourage the kid to talk to the coach and ask what skills (another position) would help. But I would also look into other sports.

the world of high school sports around here is tough and unfortunately full of disappointment.

For some sports, being the team manager is tantamount to being the mascot. Baseball is weird because “keeping the book” (or these days, doing GameChanger) is a vitally important part of the game, and one that requires a great deal of baseball knowledge. A high school kid who knows the game would be a perfect person to do this instead of relying on a team parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does the friend's son even WANT someone to talk with the coach? I understand OP's friend is trying to navigate the family's loss and probably feels making the team after the fact would be best for her son; but as one poster mentioned, he would probably be embarrassed to know that's how he made the team. There are many wonderful ways to continue supporting the family through their grief, but the ask of OP isn't it. +1 to all the suggestions that the friend's son talk with the coach. If the coach isn't aware of the family's loss, maybe OP could share what happened before the friend's son talks with the coach.

And when I say for the friend's son to talk with the coach, I agree with many previous posters that he could talk about improving skills, etc. - not about getting a spot on the team!

I don't think it's op's place to necessarily suggest that though. Sounds like the mom is not really ready and might be worried about the coach hurting son's feelings (which tbh is sort of legitimate because some coaches - most! - are great but some are not). But she should have that conversation with the coach herself or ask a mom whose child has been on the team a while for tips. That's if her son truly even wants to even pursue baseball and not just about her being upset he was rejected for a team sport in general.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone whose sibling faced a similar loss of sports community at the same time as a major family tragedy, I think it is worth it for you to be aware of this kid's need for community during times like this. It isn't about the sport, it is about the kid having community with consistent eyes on him and keeping him busy. It could literally save his life.

But none of that will get this kid on the team and don't know why his mother would expect OP to step in and talk to the coach.

Could get the kid as alternate or practice player or coach shadow. This ain’t the MLB there is space for all.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where else to put this because it's sports-related, but really more interpersonal.
My HS freshman made a team, and my friend's son was cut. The family has had serious issues over the years (sibling died by suicide during COVID), and my friend is upset that her son's situation was not taken into account when cuts were made.
I obviously feel terribly about her son, but I don't see a connection between this tragedy and the baseball team. She will often approach teachers, coaches, etc. and ask for her child to be given special consideration.
My child worked very hard for the team. She is very upset that he's on the team and her kid isn't and even wants me to talk to the coach about finding a place for her son, which I really cannot do. I don't know the coach. I don't know how to handle this with kindness beyond saying firmly I am sorry but this is not something I can do, which will roil the waters more. Any ideas on how to thread this gracefully? We are no longer in DC area; we live in a fairly large town where tons of kids try out for teams and many are cut.

I feel bad for her. I would probably say I would see what I could do and then likely not do anything. I wouldn't turn her down outright.

I would say that I would see what I could do and then I would talk to the coach - not in a begging the coach to reconsider way, but laying out the issue and asking if an opportunity comes up - someone flakes out/moves/has to quit, or manager, trainer, etc - would the coach please consider this kid.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where else to put this because it's sports-related, but really more interpersonal.
My HS freshman made a team, and my friend's son was cut. The family has had serious issues over the years (sibling died by suicide during COVID), and my friend is upset that her son's situation was not taken into account when cuts were made.
I obviously feel terribly about her son, but I don't see a connection between this tragedy and the baseball team. She will often approach teachers, coaches, etc. and ask for her child to be given special consideration.
My child worked very hard for the team. She is very upset that he's on the team and her kid isn't and even wants me to talk to the coach about finding a place for her son, which I really cannot do. I don't know the coach. I don't know how to handle this with kindness beyond saying firmly I am sorry but this is not something I can do, which will roil the waters more. Any ideas on how to thread this gracefully? We are no longer in DC area; we live in a fairly large town where tons of kids try out for teams and many are cut.

I feel bad for her. I would probably say I would see what I could do and then likely not do anything. I wouldn't turn her down outright.

I would say that I would see what I could do and then I would talk to the coach - not in a begging the coach to reconsider way, but laying out the issue and asking if an opportunity comes up - someone flakes out/moves/has to quit, or manager, trainer, etc - would the coach please consider this kid.

I like this approach. You can just factually state that Larla Jones asked you to make sure coach is aware of the circumstances and that her son really wants to be on the team.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t thread this gracefully. You think your son worked harder and she’s ridiculous and you don’t want to stick your neck out the tiniest bit for her.

Sounds exactly like the politics-based baseball leagues in DC with overlord parents you *thought* were friends and liked your kids.

Can you explain how you think this should go down, at the high school level? A parent should take a coach aside on behalf of an angry friend and insist that another kid be placed on a team? And should she apologize or feel sorry that her son made it?

Tragedy is horrible. But you don't do a child any favors by snow-plowing their life. Where do you draw the line? You have no idea which gifted kids on the team are being beaten, neglected by alcoholic parents, suffering from depression or anxiety, etc. Should one of those kids, who made the team, be displaced to accommodate another child? The family needs counseling, the kid needs to find a sport where he can make the team on his merits (or do a no-cut sport), and community is essential, sure. But bulldozing your way onto a team five years after a tragedy isn't the answer. That isn't "politics." Politics is cutting a first-grader from little league.

If you don’t think politics plays into HS sports, I don’t know what to tell you. If your kid is cut in ES, because of overlord parents, you’re already disadvantaged. Every single bb-connected parent knows the HS coaches. I cannot believe how naive you are.

Besides, the issue is OP thinks her son worked “very hard” and she’s “very sorry” for her friend is pathetic. OP wants validation for being a shitty friend.

You seem unreasonable. In your mind, a good friend would storm into the high school coach's office and complain that another parent's kid didn't make the team?

I beg to differ. You sound unreasonable with the mere suggestion that anyone has to “storm” or “complain” in any situation, least of all this one. I didn’t suggest that, and nor did OP’s friend.

I said OP was unwilling to stick her neck out in the slightest, and even had to justify here that her kid worked hard, when that should have no bearing on anything.

I really think if people could be honest they would get farther in their relationships. OP is not a friend to this woman, even if she TRULY empathized with her and ultimately declined. Instead she writes up a fluffy narrative to get some sympathy because she doesn’t like the negativity she’s feeling and wants justification to push that responsibility on the friend.

Of course I don’t expect you or OP to understand or acknowledge this. Hopefully this woman and her son move on.

. Asking another parent to do this is out of line, and on principle, this isn't how life works. The responsibility is on the friend--it's her kid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone whose sibling faced a similar loss of sports community at the same time as a major family tragedy, I think it is worth it for you to be aware of this kid's need for community during times like this. It isn't about the sport, it is about the kid having community with consistent eyes on him and keeping him busy. It could literally save his life.

I am so glad to see people recognize this. One of my kids had a number of attempts and spent years in and out of mental hospitals and the toll on the other kids is awful. And there are many other situations that occur that would make a community really valuable for a kid. One of the things I learned when mine were in HS is that even if you don't make a team as a player, there is room and value in kids who want to be there. I helped a number of coaches figure out how to use kids that didn't make the team in valuable ways so that they could have a meaningful role.

[Anonymous]

What the mother probably really wants OP to do is to volunteer her own son be replaced with the mother’s son on the team. Nothing about this is rational but grief never is.

If it has been 6 years since the sibling’s death and she’s still using this as an excuse (as horrible as the situation is) then op should do the fade. I’m sorry the mother had this happen, really, really sorry but nothing will fix what she lost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Asking for special treatment five years after a tragic event is a bit much. I think your approach is the right one op. Hopefully, she will calm down but sometimes friendships can’t be saved when one party is making unreasonable demands.

Covid didn’t end til 2023 summer

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Friends don’t gossip online about their friends.

This isn’t gossip, she’s asking for help

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone whose sibling faced a similar loss of sports community at the same time as a major family tragedy, I think it is worth it for you to be aware of this kid's need for community during times like this. It isn't about the sport, it is about the kid having community with consistent eyes on him and keeping him busy. It could literally save his life.

I am so glad to see people recognize this. One of my kids had a number of attempts and spent years in and out of mental hospitals and the toll on the other kids is awful. And there are many other situations that occur that would make a community really valuable for a kid. One of the things I learned when mine were in HS is that even if you don't make a team as a player, there is room and value in kids who want to be there. I helped a number of coaches figure out how to use kids that didn't make the team in valuable ways so that they could have a meaningful role.

Community means squat if the teammates don’t treat him well. It’s usually the worst players that get treated badly. My kids have been the best and the worst on several teams

Watch OP stick her neck out to get her friend’s son a spot. Then the friend get upset the other kids are bullying her son. Then the friend wants the coach to stop the bullying. Then the kids get yelled at and hate the add-on even more.

[Anonymous]

OP, it needs to be the kid approaching the coach. If you or your son approach the coach, it’ll look like her son isn’t mature enough to handle talking to an adult. You’d be doing him a disservice. He should approach the church about a manager position, if he’s interested.