Friend is upset because her kid was cut from a team and mine made it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone whose sibling faced a similar loss of sports community at the same time as a major family tragedy, I think it is worth it for you to be aware of this kid's need for community during times like this. It isn't about the sport, it is about the kid having community with consistent eyes on him and keeping him busy. It could literally save his life.

But none of that will get this kid on the team and don't know why his mother would expect OP to step in and talk to the coach.

This also does more harm than good. Being the worst kid on a team does a number on a kid’s self-esteem.

[Anonymous]

As a friend, I’d talk to the coach. Even if nothing comes of that, your friend will feel that you supported her and her child. It will not cost you anything.

[Anonymous]

You can’t thread this gracefully. You think your son worked harder and she’s ridiculous and you don’t want to stick your neck out the tiniest bit for her.

Sounds exactly like the politics-based baseball leagues in DC with overlord parents you *thought* were friends and liked your kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t thread this gracefully. You think your son worked harder and she’s ridiculous and you don’t want to stick your neck out the tiniest bit for her.

Sounds exactly like the politics-based baseball leagues in DC with overlord parents you *thought* were friends and liked your kids.

This woman lost a child by suicide. People are so cruel.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t thread this gracefully. You think your son worked harder and she’s ridiculous and you don’t want to stick your neck out the tiniest bit for her.

Sounds exactly like the politics-based baseball leagues in DC with overlord parents you *thought* were friends and liked your kids.

Can you explain how you think this should go down, at the high school level? A parent should take a coach aside on behalf of an angry friend and insist that another kid be placed on a team? And should she apologize or feel sorry that her son made it?

Tragedy is horrible. But you don't do a child any favors by snow-plowing their life. Where do you draw the line? You have no idea which gifted kids on the team are being beaten, neglected by alcoholic parents, suffering from depression or anxiety, etc. Should one of those kids, who made the team, be displaced to accommodate another child? The family needs counseling, the kid needs to find a sport where he can make the team on his merits (or do a no-cut sport), and community is essential, sure. But bulldozing your way onto a team five years after a tragedy isn't the answer. That isn't "politics." Politics is cutting a first-grader from little league.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a friend, I’d talk to the coach. Even if nothing comes of that, your friend will feel that you supported her and her child. It will not cost you anything.

But it could very well cost the OP's son a lot. It is high school. Mommies and Daddies are supposed to be invisible for the most part. HS coaches are building a team and hoping to help their players grow and mature. Having one's mom go talk to their coach about anything is not appropriate and will not look good for the OP's child. It is the truth even if no one will openly admit it.

[Anonymous]

The friend will also do this for college acceptances. Just drop them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t thread this gracefully. You think your son worked harder and she’s ridiculous and you don’t want to stick your neck out the tiniest bit for her.

Sounds exactly like the politics-based baseball leagues in DC with overlord parents you *thought* were friends and liked your kids.

Can you explain how you think this should go down, at the high school level? A parent should take a coach aside on behalf of an angry friend and insist that another kid be placed on a team? And should she apologize or feel sorry that her son made it?

Tragedy is horrible. But you don't do a child any favors by snow-plowing their life. Where do you draw the line? You have no idea which gifted kids on the team are being beaten, neglected by alcoholic parents, suffering from depression or anxiety, etc. Should one of those kids, who made the team, be displaced to accommodate another child? The family needs counseling, the kid needs to find a sport where he can make the team on his merits (or do a no-cut sport), and community is essential, sure. But bulldozing your way onto a team five years after a tragedy isn't the answer. That isn't "politics." Politics is cutting a first-grader from little league.

If you don’t think politics plays into HS sports, I don’t know what to tell you. If your kid is cut in ES, because of overlord parents, you’re already disadvantaged. Every single bb-connected parent knows the HS coaches. I cannot believe how naive you are.

Besides, the issue is OP thinks her son worked “very hard” and she’s “very sorry” for her friend is pathetic. OP wants validation for being a shitty friend.

[Anonymous]

Has she talked to the coach to find out? That might be more useful than you acting as a go-between. You/your child don't really know the coach yet so aren't especially useful when it comes to achieving a result. Or maybe she should connect with a senior mom. There are usually some parents who are very involved and would know more, including info about baseball camps and lessons the child could take.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone whose sibling faced a similar loss of sports community at the same time as a major family tragedy, I think it is worth it for you to be aware of this kid's need for community during times like this. It isn't about the sport, it is about the kid having community with consistent eyes on him and keeping him busy. It could literally save his life.

What loss of community? The kid is a freshman and OP didn't say anything about whether this kid had even played with her son previously.

Don't be obtuse or a jerk. The kid was clearly on baseball teams (community) until now. That community was proving to be useful to him.
But, of course, community can come from many places. The school itself, a new (no cut?) team, a new (manager? similar?) role on the team, a different kind of activity, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You can’t thread this gracefully. You think your son worked harder and she’s ridiculous and you don’t want to stick your neck out the tiniest bit for her.

Sounds exactly like the politics-based baseball leagues in DC with overlord parents you *thought* were friends and liked your kids.

I don’t read OP as saying her child “worked harder” or that her friend is ridiculous. She’s describing a very common situation: one kid makes a small, competitive HS team and another kid, whose family has been through real trauma, gets cut. Both things can be true at once.

It’s also not “refusing to stick her neck out” to acknowledge that she has no relationship with the coach and no influence in the program whatsoever. For many people, inserting themselves into that would feel inappropriate and could create more drama for both families.

You can have deep empathy for what that family has endured and be incredible friends while still recognizing that school teams can’t be structured around individual circumstances. A more helpful focus is on supporting the cut kid in finding another way to stay connected to the sport (manager, rec league, etc.), rather than framing this as a friendship loyalty test.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But perhaps he could be an intern in the athletics department or for athletic trainer? Or team manager?

He needs this community.

Team managers can be treated poorly, teased, taken advantage of.

At our school, they aren't from everything I've seen.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where else to put this because it's sports-related, but really more interpersonal.
My HS freshman made a team, and my friend's son was cut. The family has had serious issues over the years (sibling died by suicide during COVID), and my friend is upset that her son's situation was not taken into account when cuts were made.
I obviously feel terribly about her son, but I don't see a connection between this tragedy and the baseball team. She will often approach teachers, coaches, etc. and ask for her child to be given special consideration.
My child worked very hard for the team. She is very upset that he's on the team and her kid isn't and even wants me to talk to the coach about finding a place for her son, which I really cannot do. I don't know the coach. I don't know how to handle this with kindness beyond saying firmly I am sorry but this is not something I can do, which will roil the waters more. Any ideas on how to thread this gracefully? We are no longer in DC area; we live in a fairly large town where tons of kids try out for teams and many are cut.

I feel bad for her. I would probably say I would see what I could do and then likely not do anything. I wouldn't turn her down outright.

Yeah, just lie - no biggy. Always clinging to that comfort.

[Anonymous]

While I sympathize profusely for your friend’s tragic situation 😔, I also think it is inappropriate of her to ask for “special” favors because of it.

I also think it is unfair for her to ask you to speak to the coach - - that is a HUGE ask.

All you can do is let her know what you already said >> that you do not know the coach to ask him for such a favor.
While I wouldn’t expect your friend to be happy for your child making the team (though a true friend would!) if she becomes unpleasant company due to this situation then you just may have to part ways w/her.

You do not owe her anything.
Remember this!
Good luck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t thread this gracefully. You think your son worked harder and she’s ridiculous and you don’t want to stick your neck out the tiniest bit for her.

Sounds exactly like the politics-based baseball leagues in DC with overlord parents you *thought* were friends and liked your kids.

Can you explain how you think this should go down, at the high school level? A parent should take a coach aside on behalf of an angry friend and insist that another kid be placed on a team? And should she apologize or feel sorry that her son made it?

Tragedy is horrible. But you don't do a child any favors by snow-plowing their life. Where do you draw the line? You have no idea which gifted kids on the team are being beaten, neglected by alcoholic parents, suffering from depression or anxiety, etc. Should one of those kids, who made the team, be displaced to accommodate another child? The family needs counseling, the kid needs to find a sport where he can make the team on his merits (or do a no-cut sport), and community is essential, sure. But bulldozing your way onto a team five years after a tragedy isn't the answer. That isn't "politics." Politics is cutting a first-grader from little league.

If you don’t think politics plays into HS sports, I don’t know what to tell you. If your kid is cut in ES, because of overlord parents, you’re already disadvantaged. Every single bb-connected parent knows the HS coaches. I cannot believe how naive you are.

Besides, the issue is OP thinks her son worked “very hard” and she’s “very sorry” for her friend is pathetic. OP wants validation for being a shitty friend.

You seem unreasonable. In your mind, a good friend would storm into the high school coach's office and complain that another parent's kid didn't make the team?