Friend is upset because her kid was cut from a team and mine made it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone whose sibling faced a similar loss of sports community at the same time as a major family tragedy, I think it is worth it for you to be aware of this kid's need for community during times like this. It isn't about the sport, it is about the kid having community with consistent eyes on him and keeping him busy. It could literally save his life.

But none of that will get this kid on the team and don't know why his mother would expect OP to step in and talk to the coach.

This also does more harm than good. Being the worst kid on a team does a number on a kid’s self-esteem.

Tryouts are one day and the coaches do not know the kids he’s no more likely to be the worse kid on the team than any other kid

It depends. Some schools hold tryouts over a week and make cuts as the week goes.

[Anonymous]

There really isn’t anything you can do, here. It is high school, not a “little kid” team. Even if there WAS something you could do, you shouldn’t.

I’ll offer a somewhat alternative perspective: if he didn’t make the school team, he is probably done playing competitive baseball. Dragging things out by begging the coach, trying to be team manager etc (most kids would not want to do this), or trying to work on skills “to make the team next year”…..is a waste of time and ultimately is more unkind.

I’d argue that it is actually in this kid’s best interest to move on to something else. Track would be a good choice for spring? Maybe something outside of school? That is the path I would be gently suggesting if she were my friend. Tons of kids change sports in high school, dont make teams, quit, decide to focus on other things, and so on.

One of my kids didn’t make the HS team in her sport as a freshman and was devastated. It turned out to be a blessing in disguise. She focused on a different sport that she has had a lot of success with and truly loves.

Another of my kids made the HS team in his sport but mostly sat the bench for 2 years. He didn’t try out his 3rd year, and found other things to do.

It isn’t the end of the world. Most kids go through it, at some point or another. It isn’t something that parents can “fix” (and certainly isn’t anything your mom’s friend can fix either). It is life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You can’t thread this gracefully. You think your son worked harder and she’s ridiculous and you don’t want to stick your neck out the tiniest bit for her.

Sounds exactly like the politics-based baseball leagues in DC with overlord parents you *thought* were friends and liked your kids.

Can you explain how you think this should go down, at the high school level? A parent should take a coach aside on behalf of an angry friend and insist that another kid be placed on a team? And should she apologize or feel sorry that her son made it?

Tragedy is horrible. But you don't do a child any favors by snow-plowing their life. Where do you draw the line? You have no idea which gifted kids on the team are being beaten, neglected by alcoholic parents, suffering from depression or anxiety, etc. Should one of those kids, who made the team, be displaced to accommodate another child? The family needs counseling, the kid needs to find a sport where he can make the team on his merits (or do a no-cut sport), and community is essential, sure. But bulldozing your way onto a team five years after a tragedy isn't the answer. That isn't "politics." Politics is cutting a first-grader from little league.

+1 roster decisions shouldn’t be made based on who has had the hardest life, there’s no way to rank that. From the mental health committee at my school I have heard some truly horrific things, some families are very open and ask for things like OPs friend, others are very private.

[Anonymous]

Not making a baseball team is often a blessing in disguise. Baseball is a huge time suck, particularly if you are a bench player. I enjoyed watching my kids play up until middle school, but was glad they didn't want to try to do baseball in high school.

It is so much better for mental health to do a sport that is more physically active like track or swimming.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Not making a baseball team is often a blessing in disguise. Baseball is a huge time suck, particularly if you are a bench player. I enjoyed watching my kids play up until middle school, but was glad they didn't want to try to do baseball in high school.

It is so much better for mental health to do a sport that is more physically active like track or swimming.

+1

And odds are- if a kid is borderline to make the team, he is going to be a bench player and that probably will not change much. Some kids are fine with that, but it is a huge time commitment.

My son made the team as a freshman & didn’t play much. Probably would’ve made the team again the next year (and again, probably would not have played much). Instead, he switched to a no-cut sport that he enjoyed, and had so much more free time to spend on other extracurriculars.

Getting cut is probably has a lot of upside, even if the kid and his mom don’t see it that way right now.