Friend is upset because her kid was cut from a team and mine made it

[Anonymous]

I feel bad for her, but I would absolutely NOT talk with a high school coach.That is not a reasonable expectation.

Recommend that if she wants “intervention” of some sort, she needs to initiate that herself with the coach, school counselor, etc.

That said, I’d help in any other way I could. If my son was on a (non school sponsored) summer team, I’d be happy to put in a good word with the coach and/or explain the situation and ask for advice/help. Or any other non school related resources you have like a batting or pitching coach, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone whose sibling faced a similar loss of sports community at the same time as a major family tragedy, I think it is worth it for you to be aware of this kid's need for community during times like this. It isn't about the sport, it is about the kid having community with consistent eyes on him and keeping him busy. It could literally save his life.

But none of that will get this kid on the team and don't know why his mother would expect OP to step in and talk to the coach.

This also does more harm than good. Being the worst kid on a team does a number on a kid’s self-esteem.

Tryouts are one day and the coaches do not know the kids he’s no more likely to be the worse kid on the team than any other kid

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone whose sibling faced a similar loss of sports community at the same time as a major family tragedy, I think it is worth it for you to be aware of this kid's need for community during times like this. It isn't about the sport, it is about the kid having community with consistent eyes on him and keeping him busy. It could literally save his life.

But none of that will get this kid on the team and don't know why his mother would expect OP to step in and talk to the coach.

This also does more harm than good. Being the worst kid on a team does a number on a kid’s self-esteem.

Tryouts are one day and the coaches do not know the kids he’s no more likely to be the worse kid on the team than any other kid

Make sure you know this first. PP’s school counselor idea is a good one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I wouldn't bring up team manager. I don't think that is a good role for a kid who got cut. (I don't think this should be a role to begin with, but I try to see some merits).

I would encourage the kid to talk to the coach and ask what skills (another position) would help. But I would also look into other sports.

the world of high school sports around here is tough and unfortunately full of disappointment.

For some sports, being the team manager is tantamount to being the mascot. Baseball is weird because “keeping the book” (or these days, doing GameChanger) is a vitally important part of the game, and one that requires a great deal of baseball knowledge. A high school kid who knows the game would be a perfect person to do this instead of relying on a team parent.

Keeping book isn't that hard. It certainly didn't require a great deal of knowledge, just the notation.

[Anonymous]

I would confidently say your friendship is over.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think she gets a life pass on trying to protect her remaining child's mental health, even if she may not go about it the right way according to you. Now as far as what there is to do, I'd try and be a supportive friend but she may be mad at you because of circumstances and you cannot change that.

This is the right answer.

If my child died by suicide I'd probably be terrified of anything adverse happening to my remaining child. She's not handling it the right way, but it's understandable.

[Anonymous]

Title should be "acquaintance is traumatized by kid suicide and is making unwise demands on behalf of other kid."

It may be understandable but it's not your rope to hold. Drop it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But perhaps he could be an intern in the athletics department or for athletic trainer? Or team manager?

He needs this community.

It’s not OPs responsibility to find him one. She could suggest that to her friend without taking on tha responsibility.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where else to put this because it's sports-related, but really more interpersonal.
My HS freshman made a team, and my friend's son was cut. The family has had serious issues over the years (sibling died by suicide during COVID), and my friend is upset that her son's situation was not taken into account when cuts were made.
I obviously feel terribly about her son, but I don't see a connection between this tragedy and the baseball team. She will often approach teachers, coaches, etc. and ask for her child to be given special consideration.
My child worked very hard for the team. She is very upset that he's on the team and her kid isn't and even wants me to talk to the coach about finding a place for her son, which I really cannot do. I don't know the coach. I don't know how to handle this with kindness beyond saying firmly I am sorry but this is not something I can do, which will roil the waters more. Any ideas on how to thread this gracefully? We are no longer in DC area; we live in a fairly large town where tons of kids try out for teams and many are cut.

Could he be a manager for the team and try again next year? Or find another sport?

You CANNOT ask the coach on her behalf.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where else to put this because it's sports-related, but really more interpersonal.
My HS freshman made a team, and my friend's son was cut. The family has had serious issues over the years (sibling died by suicide during COVID), and my friend is upset that her son's situation was not taken into account when cuts were made.
I obviously feel terribly about her son, but I don't see a connection between this tragedy and the baseball team. She will often approach teachers, coaches, etc. and ask for her child to be given special consideration.
My child worked very hard for the team. She is very upset that he's on the team and her kid isn't and even wants me to talk to the coach about finding a place for her son, which I really cannot do. I don't know the coach. I don't know how to handle this with kindness beyond saying firmly I am sorry but this is not something I can do, which will roil the waters more. Any ideas on how to thread this gracefully? We are no longer in DC area; we live in a fairly large town where tons of kids try out for teams and many are cut.

You can hold compassion for what that family has been through while still recognizing that HS sports can’t really be structured around individual family circumstances. It also sounds like your friend may be trying to “make everything okay” for her surviving son after an unimaginable loss, which is very understandable, but a roster spot can’t really fill that role.

High school baseball, in particular, is tough because the pipeline is so big. Many kids play LL (or similar), many more play travel, and that can create an expectation that if you’ve always played, you’ll make the HS team. But rosters are often surprisingly small, and a lot of hardworking, deserving kids get cut every year. It’s painful, but it’s also a normal part of competitive school sports.

It also gets tricky when we suggest that hardship should factor into roster decisions. Most families and kids are carrying something, even if it isn’t visible. Coaches aren’t equipped (and shouldn’t be asked) to weigh life trauma against athletic readiness.

Interpersonally, I’d stay very simple, kind, and firm:
“I’m so sorry he’s hurting and I can’t imagine how hard things have been for your family. I really don’t have any role or connection with the team, and I can’t advocate with the coach. I hope he finds a place to keep playing.”

Then gently redirect. You’re not responsible for solving this, and getting involved would likely create more strain for everyone, including your own child. In the long run, normalizing that setbacks like cuts are part of growing up (even when life has already been unfair) is probably the kindest path.

This, 1000%. And the bolded about 60 million!

[Anonymous]

You’ve gotten great responses. I also wonder — does her son really want a “pity spot”? I have a freshman, and they would be absolutely mortified if mommy were stepping in trying to get them on the team.

I wish them the best and hope her son finds something meaningful to do this spring.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where else to put this because it's sports-related, but really more interpersonal.
My HS freshman made a team, and my friend's son was cut. The family has had serious issues over the years (sibling died by suicide during COVID), and my friend is upset that her son's situation was not taken into account when cuts were made.
I obviously feel terribly about her son, but I don't see a connection between this tragedy and the baseball team. She will often approach teachers, coaches, etc. and ask for her child to be given special consideration.
My child worked very hard for the team. She is very upset that he's on the team and her kid isn't and even wants me to talk to the coach about finding a place for her son, which I really cannot do. I don't know the coach. I don't know how to handle this with kindness beyond saying firmly I am sorry but this is not something I can do, which will roil the waters more. Any ideas on how to thread this gracefully? We are no longer in DC area; we live in a fairly large town where tons of kids try out for teams and many are cut.

You can hold compassion for what that family has been through while still recognizing that HS sports can’t really be structured around individual family circumstances. It also sounds like your friend may be trying to “make everything okay” for her surviving son after an unimaginable loss, which is very understandable, but a roster spot can’t really fill that role.

High school baseball, in particular, is tough because the pipeline is so big. Many kids play LL (or similar), many more play travel, and that can create an expectation that if you’ve always played, you’ll make the HS team. But rosters are often surprisingly small, and a lot of hardworking, deserving kids get cut every year. It’s painful, but it’s also a normal part of competitive school sports.

It also gets tricky when we suggest that hardship should factor into roster decisions. Most families and kids are carrying something, even if it isn’t visible. Coaches aren’t equipped (and shouldn’t be asked) to weigh life trauma against athletic readiness.

Interpersonally, I’d stay very simple, kind, and firm:
“I’m so sorry he’s hurting and I can’t imagine how hard things have been for your family. I really don’t have any role or connection with the team, and I can’t advocate with the coach. I hope he finds a place to keep playing.”

Then gently redirect. You’re not responsible for solving this, and getting involved would likely create more strain for everyone, including your own child. In the long run, normalizing that setbacks like cuts are part of growing up (even when life has already been unfair) is probably the kindest path.

+1,000

+2,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:But perhaps he could be an intern in the athletics department or for athletic trainer? Or team manager?

He needs this community.

Team managers can be treated poorly, teased, taken advantage of.

No.

They can go in to be college team managers

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where else to put this because it's sports-related, but really more interpersonal.
My HS freshman made a team, and my friend's son was cut. The family has had serious issues over the years (sibling died by suicide during COVID), and my friend is upset that her son's situation was not taken into account when cuts were made.
I obviously feel terribly about her son, but I don't see a connection between this tragedy and the baseball team. She will often approach teachers, coaches, etc. and ask for her child to be given special consideration.
My child worked very hard for the team. She is very upset that he's on the team and her kid isn't and even wants me to talk to the coach about finding a place for her son, which I really cannot do. I don't know the coach. I don't know how to handle this with kindness beyond saying firmly I am sorry but this is not something I can do, which will roil the waters more. Any ideas on how to thread this gracefully? We are no longer in DC area; we live in a fairly large town where tons of kids try out for teams and many are cut.

You can hold compassion for what that family has been through while still recognizing that HS sports can’t really be structured around individual family circumstances. It also sounds like your friend may be trying to “make everything okay” for her surviving son after an unimaginable loss, which is very understandable, but a roster spot can’t really fill that role.

High school baseball, in particular, is tough because the pipeline is so big. Many kids play LL (or similar), many more play travel, and that can create an expectation that if you’ve always played, you’ll make the HS team. But rosters are often surprisingly small, and a lot of hardworking, deserving kids get cut every year. It’s painful, but it’s also a normal part of competitive school sports.

It also gets tricky when we suggest that hardship should factor into roster decisions. Most families and kids are carrying something, even if it isn’t visible. Coaches aren’t equipped (and shouldn’t be asked) to weigh life trauma against athletic readiness.

Interpersonally, I’d stay very simple, kind, and firm:
“I’m so sorry he’s hurting and I can’t imagine how hard things have been for your family. I really don’t have any role or connection with the team, and I can’t advocate with the coach. I hope he finds a place to keep playing.”

Then gently redirect. You’re not responsible for solving this, and getting involved would likely create more strain for everyone, including your own child. In the long run, normalizing that setbacks like cuts are part of growing up (even when life has already been unfair) is probably the kindest path.

This, 1000%. And the bolded about 60 million!

I agree with the bolded as well. You could also add a sentence encouraging her to have her son ask the coach what he needs to do to improve and, if interested, serve as a team manager this season.

As the parent of a freshman, with no connections to the coach, I can’t imagine going to the coach and trying to convince him to take a certain kid.

[Anonymous]

Most sports at high school level leave the mommy communication out. The expectation is that in high school, the athletes themselves communicate with the coach if there is anything to communicate about. They are expected to be mature enough to advocate for themselves. The teams have their own chat or e-mail groups, which are for players, and then parallel chats/e-mails for parents dealing with team dinners and the like. It would be super inappropriate for a mom to go and try to advocate for someone who is not even their own child. The suggestions for trying for a team manager are good ones (again, the kid has to go and offer himself, not the mom) or go and do a non-cut sport like track. All and all, I don't think your friendship will survive long term due to inappropriate and wild expectations.