Friend is upset because her kid was cut from a team and mine made it

[Anonymous]

I don't know where else to put this because it's sports-related, but really more interpersonal.
My HS freshman made a team, and my friend's son was cut. The family has had serious issues over the years (sibling died by suicide during COVID), and my friend is upset that her son's situation was not taken into account when cuts were made.
I obviously feel terribly about her son, but I don't see a connection between this tragedy and the baseball team. She will often approach teachers, coaches, etc. and ask for her child to be given special consideration.
My child worked very hard for the team. She is very upset that he's on the team and her kid isn't and even wants me to talk to the coach about finding a place for her son, which I really cannot do. I don't know the coach. I don't know how to handle this with kindness beyond saying firmly I am sorry but this is not something I can do, which will roil the waters more. Any ideas on how to thread this gracefully? We are no longer in DC area; we live in a fairly large town where tons of kids try out for teams and many are cut.

[Anonymous]

You can't always please everyone. Sometimes you just have to be honest and firm. "I'm sorry, but I don't know the coach and don't feel comfortable talking to him about your child." It's perfectly acceptable to say that and cut the conversation short. Congrats to your child on making the team.

[Anonymous]

As someone whose sibling faced a similar loss of sports community at the same time as a major family tragedy, I think it is worth it for you to be aware of this kid's need for community during times like this. It isn't about the sport, it is about the kid having community with consistent eyes on him and keeping him busy. It could literally save his life.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't know where else to put this because it's sports-related, but really more interpersonal.
My HS freshman made a team, and my friend's son was cut. The family has had serious issues over the years (sibling died by suicide during COVID), and my friend is upset that her son's situation was not taken into account when cuts were made.
I obviously feel terribly about her son, but I don't see a connection between this tragedy and the baseball team. She will often approach teachers, coaches, etc. and ask for her child to be given special consideration.
My child worked very hard for the team. She is very upset that he's on the team and her kid isn't and even wants me to talk to the coach about finding a place for her son, which I really cannot do. I don't know the coach. I don't know how to handle this with kindness beyond saying firmly I am sorry but this is not something I can do, which will roil the waters more. Any ideas on how to thread this gracefully? We are no longer in DC area; we live in a fairly large town where tons of kids try out for teams and many are cut.

I feel bad for her. I would probably say I would see what I could do and then likely not do anything. I wouldn't turn her down outright.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone whose sibling faced a similar loss of sports community at the same time as a major family tragedy, I think it is worth it for you to be aware of this kid's need for community during times like this. It isn't about the sport, it is about the kid having community with consistent eyes on him and keeping him busy. It could literally save his life.

+1

[Anonymous]

I think she gets a life pass on trying to protect her remaining child's mental health, even if she may not go about it the right way according to you. Now as far as what there is to do, I'd try and be a supportive friend but she may be mad at you because of circumstances and you cannot change that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As someone whose sibling faced a similar loss of sports community at the same time as a major family tragedy, I think it is worth it for you to be aware of this kid's need for community during times like this. It isn't about the sport, it is about the kid having community with consistent eyes on him and keeping him busy. It could literally save his life.

But none of that will get this kid on the team and don't know why his mother would expect OP to step in and talk to the coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone whose sibling faced a similar loss of sports community at the same time as a major family tragedy, I think it is worth it for you to be aware of this kid's need for community during times like this. It isn't about the sport, it is about the kid having community with consistent eyes on him and keeping him busy. It could literally save his life.

But none of that will get this kid on the team and don't know why his mother would expect OP to step in and talk to the coach.

We don't know that.

[Anonymous]

Is there a manager position open?

[Anonymous]

But perhaps he could be an intern in the athletics department or for athletic trainer? Or team manager?

He needs this community.

[Anonymous]

She's delusional to even be asking that or to expect an "accommodation"

High school coaches don't want to communicate with parents.

Her kid should do a non cut sport like track and work on their skills and fitness to make the team next year. Expecting him to get special treatment because of a dead sibling isn't doing him any favors.

[Anonymous]

Asking for special treatment five years after a tragic event is a bit much. I think your approach is the right one op. Hopefully, she will calm down but sometimes friendships can’t be saved when one party is making unreasonable demands.

[Anonymous]

The coach also should be willing to have a sit down with him to discuss what he needs to do to make the team next year.

Maybe that means a travel team, running x country, winter track, playing football, hitting the weights.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone whose sibling faced a similar loss of sports community at the same time as a major family tragedy, I think it is worth it for you to be aware of this kid's need for community during times like this. It isn't about the sport, it is about the kid having community with consistent eyes on him and keeping him busy. It could literally save his life.

But none of that will get this kid on the team and don't know why his mother would expect OP to step in and talk to the coach.

We don't know that.

Even if it did, it definitely isn’t OPs place or responsibility to be bringing it to the coach.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:But perhaps he could be an intern in the athletics department or for athletic trainer? Or team manager?

He needs this community.

Team managers can be treated poorly, teased, taken advantage of.