I’m 20w pregnant. My fiance told me he has herpes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I give him a modicum of credit for going flaccid instead of risking the baby's life by passing it to OP. Let's hope he cheated and caught it recently enough that OP doesn't have it.

He may have already passed it!!! How do you not understand this?

But she doesn't know yet, so at least, I guess, he had the decency to not sleep with her, knowing this. This suggests to me it's recent, which makes him cheating scum but it leaves a chance she didn’t catch it. I hope so.

We’ve had sex. It’s been infrequent but we’ve had sex, even on Saturday when he couldn’t stay erect.

Oh, ugh, I'm sorry. Hoping the best for you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

That isn’t the venereal disease

News flash you can get HSV-1 on your genitals just like you can get it on/in your mouth. Just because you can get HSV-1 from innocent contact as well as sex doesn’t make it any less of a venereal disease. Use google, it’s free.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His lying is deeply troubling. You are not being overly dramatic.

+1 He's had it for years but he never looked at the lab report? I call BS on that. The dr would've seen the results and called him.

He didn't want to tell you, full stop. He couldn't get erect because he knew he would have to eventually tell you because you are now pregnant, and this could put the baby's health in danger.

Did you get yourself tested?

Wednesday - I have my anatomy scan then, so I’m going to tell my OB what’s going on and get tested.

thinking good thoughts for you, OP.

FWIW, a friend of mine got gonorrhea from a guy before she had kids. She now has two healthy kids - 20 and 15.

How are you this stupid?

[Anonymous]

His cowardice is inexcusable especially during your pregnancy. Stay separate. You owe him nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

That isn’t the venereal disease

News flash

you can get HSV-1 on your genitals just like you can get it on/in your mouth. Just because you can get HSV-1 from innocent contact as well as sex doesn’t make it any less of a venereal disease. Use google, it’s free.

Please write like an adult. Use your language skills to make an emphasis. Only teens do the stupid “News flash” and if you are going to do it, at least use a colon.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

That isn’t the venereal disease

HSV-1 can be deadly to an infant too. See above.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

That isn’t the venereal disease

News flash

you can get HSV-1 on your genitals just like you can get it on/in your mouth. Just because you can get HSV-1 from innocent contact as well as sex doesn’t make it any less of a venereal disease. Use google, it’s free.

Please write like an adult. Use your language skills to make an emphasis. Only teens do the stupid “News flash” and if you are going to do it, at least use a colon.

You are giving me a lesson when you think HSV-1 is not a venereal disease? Ok then.

[Anonymous]

OP - make sure you have the baby in whatever state you see yourself living in long term so he can’t try and make you stay here w custody issues after the baby is born.

[Anonymous]

Herpes is contagious right before the lesion surfaces and until the skin is healed. I had a years long relationship with someone that had herpes and never contracted it. Did a lot of reading in regards to pregnancy.
It’s best to check in with your doctor on specifics related to pregnancy. If you are infected they might want you to have a c section.

I’m sorry this happened. Really dishonest and hurtful:harmful of him no matter the circumstances.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His lying is deeply troubling. You are not being overly dramatic.

+1 He's had it for years but he never looked at the lab report? I call BS on that. The dr would've seen the results and called him.

He didn't want to tell you, full stop. He couldn't get erect because he knew he would have to eventually tell you because you are now pregnant, and this could put the baby's health in danger.

Did you get yourself tested?

Wednesday - I have my anatomy scan then, so I’m going to tell my OB what’s going on and get tested.

thinking good thoughts for you, OP.

FWIW, a friend of mine got gonorrhea from a guy before she had kids. She now has two healthy kids - 20 and 15.

How are you this stupid?

I sometimes wonder how such an educated area produces people who seem to know so little about fairly general things like this. Like it wouldn’t surprise if the person making that comment went to MIT or the like, But lacks the common knowledge to know how vastly different these two STI’s are.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Herpes is contagious right before the lesion surfaces and until the skin is healed. I had a years long relationship with someone that had herpes and never contracted it. Did a lot of reading in regards to pregnancy.
It’s best to check in with your doctor on specifics related to pregnancy. If you are infected they might want you to have a c section.

I’m sorry this happened. Really dishonest and hurtful:harmful of him no matter the circumstances.

And the most contagious after initial infection-which is why I think OP’s fiancé was so freaked out. This is a new infection and he knows how contagious it is. He cheated and knows that will be obvious given the timeline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I give him a modicum of credit for going flaccid instead of risking the baby's life by passing it to OP. Let's hope he cheated and caught it recently enough that OP doesn't have it.

He may have already passed it!!! How do you not understand this?

But she doesn't know yet, so at least, I guess, he had the decency to not sleep with her, knowing this. This suggests to me it's recent, which makes him cheating scum but it leaves a chance she didn’t catch it. I hope so.

We’ve had sex. It’s been infrequent but we’ve had sex, even on Saturday when he couldn’t stay erect.

Doesn’t necessarily mean you automatically have it

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP - make sure you have the baby in whatever state you see yourself living in long term so he can’t try and make you stay here w custody issues after the baby is born.

Yes, read this and take it seriously. Lots of good advice but start from this comment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can find a way to drift away and not name him on the birth certificate, OP, you should. You don’t want a lying creep like this in your life and it just takes his nagging mom hearing a redacted version of his story to decide you’re the bad guy and to convince him to fight for custody.

For this reason, maybe OP should press criminal charges.

He knew. He didn't disclose. He recklessly endangered her health and the health of the baby.

I wouldn’t press charges proactively but I would document the crap out of the situation and keep it in my back pocket in case he tried for custody of any kind. Op, you don’t need a divorce and that’s fortunate, but you do need a consult with a family law attorney to figure out how to best protect your rights and your baby’s rights. Find someone who specializes in custody vs straight up divorce litigators. No mediation nonsense, you want an attorney. And you need to get a will in place and think about who to designate as a legal guardian.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can find a way to drift away and not name him on the birth certificate, OP, you should. You don’t want a lying creep like this in your life and it just takes his nagging mom hearing a redacted version of his story to decide you’re the bad guy and to convince him to fight for custody.

For this reason, maybe OP should press criminal charges.

He knew. He didn't disclose. He recklessly endangered her health and the health of the baby.

I wouldn’t press charges proactively but I would document the crap out of the situation and keep it in my back pocket in case he tried for custody of any kind. Op, you don’t need a divorce and that’s fortunate, but you do need a consult with a family law attorney to figure out how to best protect your rights and your baby’s rights. Find someone who specializes in custody vs straight up divorce litigators. No mediation nonsense, you want an attorney. And you need to get a will in place and think about who to designate as a legal guardian.

You actually can’t sue for someone not telling you they have herpes. This still only applies to HIV. I actually looked it up a couple of years ago and I couldn’t believe it-but yeah.