I’m 20w pregnant. My fiance told me he has herpes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nah - move on

+1 more red flags than 🇨🇳

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His lying is deeply troubling. You are not being overly dramatic.

+1 He's had it for years but he never looked at the lab report? I call BS on that. The dr would've seen the results and called him.

He didn't want to tell you, full stop. He couldn't get erect because he knew he would have to eventually tell you because you are now pregnant, and this could put the baby's health in danger.

Did you get yourself tested?

Wednesday - I have my anatomy scan then, so I’m going to tell my OB what’s going on and get tested.

thinking good thoughts for you, OP.

FWIW, a friend of mine got gonorrhea from a guy before she had kids. She now has two healthy kids - 20 and 15.

That’s not a virus. Your friend is 100% gonorrhea free. Herpes is incurable

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Now I see why he couldn't get erect. He was envisioning this meltdown. OP delivered!

Let's be honest, even though OP's fiance was dishonest (red flag), her response is a red flag too. It was also a red flag to have a baby without having these conversations first. It is also another red flag to be unable to communicate afterwards.

No. Because he cheated and got herpes and can’t have sex with her because herpes can cause serious birth defects if a tube at birth: blindness, deafness, etc.

There is zero chance this is something he didn’t disclose before marriage and at prenatal appointments.

He cheated,

I’m so sorry, Op!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP the people saying you're overdramatic are crazy. I know someone who had a herpes scare in pregnancy and it's a very big deal. You need to talk to OB immediately.

Any way you slice this, he was dishonest. He cheated and got it, or he already had it and didn't disclose. If he really found out about it recently, what reason is there not to share immediately especially in light of the pregnancy. He has lost your trust and I don't see how it's repaired.

Focus on the baby and med precautions first.

An active flare up at birth is bad. That calms for a c-section.

[Anonymous]

I give him a modicum of credit for going flaccid instead of risking the baby's life by passing it to OP. Let's hope he cheated and caught it recently enough that OP doesn't have it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd ask to see the paperwork that he recently ran across. On the health portal so he can't fudge the dates.

Is it worth going through all that? The net of it is the trust has been broken in a major, probably irreparable way.

DP.

It is worth it. November vs years ago makes a difference. If he truly did not know until November, I can see how he was scared for 3 months. If he knew all along and was waiting to trap you with the baby before telling you, that's another story.

No, because it’s impossible to have a HSV-2 diagnosis and not have your daughter call about it. He’s lying.

^^doctor

[Anonymous]

I just saw you aren’t married yet.

You might want to re-think marriage to this guy. He already is cheating.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I give him a modicum of credit for going flaccid instead of risking the baby's life by passing it to OP. Let's hope he cheated and caught it recently enough that OP doesn't have it.

He may have already passed it!!! How do you not understand this?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can find a way to drift away and not name him on the birth certificate, OP, you should. You don’t want a lying creep like this in your life and it just takes his nagging mom hearing a redacted version of his story to decide you’re the bad guy and to convince him to fight for custody.

For this reason, maybe OP should press criminal charges.

He knew. He didn't disclose. He recklessly endangered her health and the health of the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

I’m not sure. I was so shocked and angry that I haven’t asked. I know that I should’ve…

Oh for god’s sake don’t you look up anything. Both 1 and 2 can be deadly to a baby. Here’s what “just” HSV-1 can do: HSV-1 in babies, particularly newborns under 3 months, is a medical emergency that can be fatal or cause severe, long-term disabilities if not treated immediately. Symptoms often appear 2–12 days after exposure and include fever, poor feeding, lethargy, irritability, and small skin blisters or sores. Treatment requires immediate hospitalization and intravenous (IV) antiviral medication (acyclovir).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP the people saying you're overdramatic are crazy. I know someone who had a herpes scare in pregnancy and it's a very big deal. You need to talk to OB immediately.

Any way you slice this, he was dishonest. He cheated and got it, or he already had it and didn't disclose. If he really found out about it recently, what reason is there not to share immediately especially in light of the pregnancy. He has lost your trust and I don't see how it's repaired.

Focus on the baby and med precautions first.

An active flare up at birth is bad. That calms for a c-section.

Not just C-section but NICU with all kinds of special precautions. I'm the PP with the friend with the scare.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:His lying is deeply troubling. You are not being overly dramatic.

+1 He's had it for years but he never looked at the lab report? I call BS on that. The dr would've seen the results and called him.

He didn't want to tell you, full stop. He couldn't get erect because he knew he would have to eventually tell you because you are now pregnant, and this could put the baby's health in danger.

Did you get yourself tested?

Wednesday - I have my anatomy scan then, so I’m going to tell my OB what’s going on and get tested.

thinking good thoughts for you, OP.

FWIW, a friend of mine got gonorrhea from a guy before she had kids. She now has two healthy kids - 20 and 15.

If you think this is any way at all comparative you need to take a health class immediately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Which version of it? One version is very common, something like 75% of peopel have it. HSV-1 I think?

That isn’t the venereal disease

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I give him a modicum of credit for going flaccid instead of risking the baby's life by passing it to OP. Let's hope he cheated and caught it recently enough that OP doesn't have it.

He may have already passed it!!! How do you not understand this?

But she doesn't know yet, so at least, I guess, he had the decency to not sleep with her, knowing this. This suggests to me it's recent, which makes him cheating scum but it leaves a chance she didn’t catch it. I hope so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I give him a modicum of credit for going flaccid instead of risking the baby's life by passing it to OP. Let's hope he cheated and caught it recently enough that OP doesn't have it.

He may have already passed it!!! How do you not understand this?

But she doesn't know yet, so at least, I guess, he had the decency to not sleep with her, knowing this. This suggests to me it's recent, which makes him cheating scum but it leaves a chance she didn’t catch it. I hope so.

We’ve had sex. It’s been infrequent but we’ve had sex, even on Saturday when he couldn’t stay erect.