17 year old daughter smashed car window

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sell the car. She can work and buy her own car. What an irresponsible and ungrateful brat.

She pays for all car repairs, the car is then sold as is her cell phone (sell it now). She can get a job taking the bus if she wants to replace her phone and car.

There is no other way some one as spoiled as she is is going to get the point. And I don't think you want to bail her out of jail when she does this to her ex-boyfriends car or a strangers car.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sell the car. She can work and buy her own car. What an irresponsible and ungrateful brat.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Saturday, we took away our 17 year-old’s car and phone for a week because she’d been coming home late all week and ignoring calls. She threw a fit about it.

That night, my husband and I went out for Valentines and left her alone. When we came back? She had found the keys, smashed them, and then cracked her car window — two huge cracks. Completely solo. She knows she couldn’t leave due to cameras.

Afterward, she says she’s not a child and shouldn’t have had her phone or car taken away.

She’s grounded from the car, phone, and friends for a long time now,and will be made to get a job to pay for this. But, My husband I are furious and don’t know what else to do. What should we do?

She isn't going to get a job you won't be making her do anything.
Don't make your brat someone else's problem.
Sell the phone.
Sell the car- the repair money will be deducted from any allowance you give her. In fact you're no longer giving her any money.
If she wants fun money she'll have to give get a job.
And you should make it clear that her actions showed just how much of a child she is
That someone who wanted to show maturity and earn more freedom would have been honest about whereabouts and responded to calls and had a conversation about relaxing restrictions and when being grounded they wouldn't have destroyed parents property. Counseling might be in order she'll probably be reluctant to go but it could benefit you and her dad

[Anonymous]

Sell the car and get some therapy.

[Anonymous]

At 18, you turn her out of your home. Go to court and cut all ties with her.

Tough Love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sell the car

why does she feel so entitled to have a car? where the heck do you live?

+1 That child, yes child would not own a car in my house after this bs.

Same. If she parked on my driveway I’d tow it.

😩

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"She had found the keys, smashed them, and then cracked her car window — two huge cracks. Completely solo." She smashed her keys? How did she crack the car window?

Anyway...my son never did this but he was difficult to say the least. It's VERY EASY to say...take the car away. Take the phone away. No privileges, etc. etc. But when a kid is like this, you don't want to drive them even further away. You don't want you kid to HATE you. We tried family therapy and he REFUSED! Again, you can't make people do things. Sure you can threaten, but that drives a deeper wedge. In our case, our son went to individual counseling but somehow he got the therapist on his side. It's tough. This crap isn't easy. Soooo many of our friends SEEM to have these angel kids too to make it worse. But yes, no doubt you need to make your daughter pay for the window. I'm sure she even understands that. How long to take away the car...not really sure. Maybe until she starts respecting you better. Good luck! Sucks!

I have to agree with this poster. I also have a very difficult son - 16yo now and it's getting harder to give him consequences. When we do, things blow up even more. He hasn't walked out and defied us yet, but I'm waiting for the day. He's a REALLY good kid at school and with other people. We get compliments on how lovely he is all of the time. Never had a call from school, ever. But with us, he's defiant, can get very angry, and consequences either don't work or create an even bigger problem. Our other child doesn't have ANY of these issues. It's crazy how some kids are just impossible. We've tried therapy 3x - individual and family, and he refuses to go, is quiet there, creates a huge fight every week. I'm sorry, OP. I don't have much to offer buty sympathy. People who don't have a child like this will never get it and will blame you and accuse you of spoiling her. I've read all the books, gave all the consequences - he does not GAF!

You're doing all you can do by taking away privileges and making her pay for the damage. I'd say that she has proven that she is not trustworthy or mature enough to go out and socialize while keeping to the rules.

[Anonymous]

Update op? What did you do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"She had found the keys, smashed them, and then cracked her car window — two huge cracks. Completely solo." She smashed her keys? How did she crack the car window?

Anyway...my son never did this but he was difficult to say the least. It's VERY EASY to say...take the car away. Take the phone away. No privileges, etc. etc. But when a kid is like this, you don't want to drive them even further away. You don't want you kid to HATE you. We tried family therapy and he REFUSED! Again, you can't make people do things. Sure you can threaten, but that drives a deeper wedge. In our case, our son went to individual counseling but somehow he got the therapist on his side. It's tough. This crap isn't easy. Soooo many of our friends SEEM to have these angel kids too to make it worse. But yes, no doubt you need to make your daughter pay for the window. I'm sure she even understands that. How long to take away the car...not really sure. Maybe until she starts respecting you better. Good luck! Sucks!

These are all valid points. It’s very easy for other people to direct others on how to handle it but until one lives it, one cannot know. Also agree that you don’t want to do something that could escalate the situation. This is one of those situations where what works for one person may not work for another.
I’m not sure that taking away privileges is going to solve anything right now. It doesn’t sound like you know for certain what exactly is causing these issues. I suppose it could be a number of different reasons, ADHD, childhood trauma, who knows what. My thought is to try to talk to someone (licensed counselor, social worker, psychologist) by yourself first and try to get a feel for what might be causing this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sell the car. She can work and buy her own car. What an irresponsible and ungrateful brat.

+1,000

+1. I have very privileged children. But they are aware that everything belongs to me- they own nothing - and I don’t play when it comes to behavioral expectations.