17 year old daughter smashed car window

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What did she use to smash the windows?

Pocket knife.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Saturday, we took away our 17 year-old’s car and phone for a week because she’d been coming home late all week and ignoring calls. She threw a fit about it.

That night, my husband and I went out for Valentines and left her alone. When we came back? She had found the keys, smashed them, and then cracked her car window — two huge cracks. Completely solo. She knows she couldn’t leave due to cameras.

Afterward, she says she’s not a child and shouldn’t have had her phone or car taken away.

She’s grounded from the car, phone, and friends for a long time now,and will be made to get a job to pay for this. But, My husband I are furious and don’t know what else to do. What should we do?

You and your husband have done enough.

Great punishment. Zero car and zero phone for no less than a month.

And continue to be firm w consequences.
If she does it again make the punishment longer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Or a school PTC?

Or is obsessed with panda eyeliner?

[Anonymous]

She needs therapy. I had that kind of rage when I was a teenager. I wish my parents would have made me learn how to deal with it.

[Anonymous]

Wow.. why was she so angry?

[Anonymous]

I think you are getting good advice, so I'll limit to one thing I'm not seeing.

Love your kid - seek out times to interact and appreciate her. Compliment her. Look for non stressful ways to engage. Make her favorite food, or watch a show together. Purposefully look for neutral ways to interact.

When my kid was "soiling the nest" (acting out before leaving for college to make the spearation easier), trying to keep our long term relationship at the forefront was really hard but also really important.

[Anonymous]

Tell her what she did is not a sign of adulthood.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did she use to smash the windows?

Pocket knife.

sounds like she is very strong!

[Anonymous]

Not only does she pay for the repair, she needs to organize it.
The parents do not get involved with that.

[Anonymous]

Troll. Who wants to hire her? She is a liability.

[Anonymous]

That is some serious violence. Having had a kid who was violent and caused damage here’s what I think.

Therapy was pretty useless and often made things worse.

Things can get a lot worse. Don’t let your guard down.

If she’s that volatile there is no way I’d give her car keys. We took keys from our kid for three years but it’s no picnic and makes a lot of work for the family. It’s just that you can’t let someone who’s unstable drive a car.

Be careful about taking the phone. It’s the way you can track them if they run away.

I wouldn’t be giving my kid a car or any money for a good long time.

Be careful about setting her up for failure when you tell her she has to pay. It’s a lot of money and if she gets her act together it might not be good to have this hanging over her head.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What did she use to smash the windows?

Pocket knife.

Is that possible?

[Anonymous]

My son has busted through a few walls in anger. Inside the house. It's horrible. I never did anything like that as a child (ever). It was so shocking to me.

He has ADHD and general anxiety disorder. Emotional dysregulation is a hallmark of ADHD. It took a lot of therapy, some different parenting tactics, and time/maturation. He's a lovely 19 year old young man right now. Light years different than just two years ago. Just trying to give you some hope. It's a crap ton of work, but you can help them regulate their huge emotions much better.

[Anonymous]

Troll or nah

[Anonymous]

Good consequences, but she needs anger management.