17 year old daughter smashed car window

[Anonymous]

She needs mental help. Inpatient before she ends up in jail.

She also no longer would own a car in my house. And she's to pay for all repairs herself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:sell the car

why does she feel so entitled to have a car? where the heck do you live?

+1 That child, yes child would not own a car in my house after this bs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one that is thinking this is the crazy behavior of someone with a drug issue?

Staying out late plus defiance, and breaking into the car but didn’t go anywhere ? Maybe she stashes her drugs in the car and had to get it out ?

I know a lot of defiant kids from friends troubles with their kids or former friends of my oldest who went a bad path - mostly the boys act like this and all of them who did had some combo of substance issues and mental health challenges.

Sometimes it’s from controlling parents but your actions sound pretty restrained, as you didn’t ground her from the car until she continued for a few days staying out late, so I assume there is something going on with the kid

To me it sounds like somebody who’s been abused or raped.

What the? Yeah no, she sounds spoiled rotten or has a drug problem or both.

[Anonymous]

She broke her stuff, she fixes her stuff. Can't drive the car until it's fixed.

I don't know why you gave a teenager a car in the first place, but since you did, this is the answer.

Cancel her phone too.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a criminal offense. It’s also violent. This needs to be addressed with a therapist. Required anger management training. No privileges whatsoever until damages repaid. She should be asked how she will make this up to you.

It’s not criminal if it’s her car. She can do what she wants to her own property.
She sounds awful. I’d take the car away completely. She’s not mature enough.

Is the car titled and insured in this child’s name?
Did she pay for the car?

If not, it’s not her’s to do as she pleases.

Plus we simply don’t destroy things as a result of being punished.

It doesn’t matter it’s not a criminal offense.

Who said it was?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is a criminal offense. It’s also violent. This needs to be addressed with a therapist. Required anger management training. No privileges whatsoever until damages repaid. She should be asked how she will make this up to you.

It’s not criminal if it’s her car. She can do what she wants to her own property.
She sounds awful. I’d take the car away completely. She’s not mature enough.

Is the car titled and insured in this child’s name?
Did she pay for the car?

If not, it’s not her’s to do as she pleases.

Plus we simply don’t destroy things as a result of being punished.

It doesn’t matter it’s not a criminal offense.

Who said it was?

One of the PPs did on the first page.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Therapy. But have DD go by herself, then you and DH go separately to discuss what is going on.

The ideal setup is a therapist for her, a second therapist for the adults, and a third therapist for the family. If you don’t have money, see if you can pull it from college savings. I’m serious. We have done this when DS has emotional needs that would prevent him from successfully completing college. (Our money was in a trust, so your financial vehicle might make a difference here.) There’s no point saving for college if a child can’t make it once they get there. You will have far less control over your child next year, so go all-in now. Three therapists, possible in-home parent coaching, possible evaluation if you can get her in before 18.

[Anonymous]

Sell the car. She can work and buy her own car. What an irresponsible and ungrateful brat.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:"She had found the keys, smashed them, and then cracked her car window — two huge cracks. Completely solo." She smashed her keys? How did she crack the car window?

Anyway...my son never did this but he was difficult to say the least. It's VERY EASY to say...take the car away. Take the phone away. No privileges, etc. etc. But when a kid is like this, you don't want to drive them even further away. You don't want you kid to HATE you. We tried family therapy and he REFUSED! Again, you can't make people do things. Sure you can threaten, but that drives a deeper wedge. In our case, our son went to individual counseling but somehow he got the therapist on his side. It's tough. This crap isn't easy. Soooo many of our friends SEEM to have these angel kids too to make it worse. But yes, no doubt you need to make your daughter pay for the window. I'm sure she even understands that. How long to take away the car...not really sure. Maybe until she starts respecting you better. Good luck! Sucks!

Dp. Btdt. This age is very hard, so much stress and hormones and it is normal that they are pulling away from you. Punishment will only push further.
Dd needs to pay for the window but I’d go in with curiosity not anger

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Therapy. But have DD go by herself, then you and DH go separately to discuss what is going on.

The ideal setup is a therapist for her, a second therapist for the adults, and a third therapist for the family. If you don’t have money, see if you can pull it from college savings. I’m serious. We have done this when DS has emotional needs that would prevent him from successfully completing college. (Our money was in a trust, so your financial vehicle might
make a difference here.) There’s no point saving for college if a child can’t make it once they get there. You will have far less control over your child next year, so go all-in now. Three therapists, possible in-home parent coaching, possible evaluation if you can get her in before 18.

Or op could just have a conversation with her own child and partner. Op I recommend you put this whole scenario into ChatGPT - with enough detail and info on what you want as an outcome- and ask for suggestions on framing a conversation with her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Saturday, we took away our 17 year-old’s car and phone for a week because she’d been coming home late all week and ignoring calls. She threw a fit about it.

That night, my husband and I went out for Valentines and left her alone. When we came back? She had found the keys, smashed them, and then cracked her car window — two huge cracks. Completely solo. She knows she couldn’t leave due to cameras.

Afterward, she says she’s not a child and shouldn’t have had her phone or car taken away.

She’s grounded from the car, phone, and friends for a long time now,and will be made to get a job to pay for this. But, My husband I are furious and don’t know what else to do. What should we do?

Sell the car as is

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:🙄 let me guess your son is the kid in the other thread that trashed his room because his phone was taken away. The trolls on this particular forum on DCUM have been out of control lately.

My kids aren’t even teenagers. I learned pretty quickly what an iPad addicted toddler will do when an iPad is taken away. We haven’t graduated to phone use but the iPad is heavily restricted. These kids these days are addicted to their phones. As of now I am the only one with the password to the iPad and the kids get 1 hour of use every other day or so. That’s it. No begging, no pleading, no sneaking it to a room, 1 hour when I feel like it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one that is thinking this is the crazy behavior of someone with a drug issue?

Staying out late plus defiance, and breaking into the car but didn’t go anywhere ? Maybe she stashes her drugs in the car and had to get it out ?

I know a lot of defiant kids from friends troubles with their kids or former friends of my oldest who went a bad path - mostly the boys act like this and all of them who did had some combo of substance issues and mental health challenges.

Sometimes it’s from controlling parents but your actions sound pretty restrained, as you didn’t ground her from the car until she continued for a few days staying out late, so I assume there is something going on with the kid

Definitely an addiction issue. But I think this is probably a PHONE ADDICTION issue. Seriously my toddlers used to cry and have all out tantrums on the floor over the iPad. This sounds like a teenage version of phone addiction

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:sell the car

why does she feel so entitled to have a car? where the heck do you live?

+1 That child, yes child would not own a car in my house after this bs.

Same. If she parked on my driveway I’d tow it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You need family therapy. ASAP before someone calls the police on her.

this.