17 year old daughter smashed car window

[Anonymous]

Saturday, we took away our 17 year-old’s car and phone for a week because she’d been coming home late all week and ignoring calls. She threw a fit about it.

That night, my husband and I went out for Valentines and left her alone. When we came back? She had found the keys, smashed them, and then cracked her car window — two huge cracks. Completely solo. She knows she couldn’t leave due to cameras.

Afterward, she says she’s not a child and shouldn’t have had her phone or car taken away.

She’s grounded from the car, phone, and friends for a long time now,and will be made to get a job to pay for this. But, My husband I are furious and don’t know what else to do. What should we do?

[Anonymous]

You need family therapy. ASAP before someone calls the police on her.

[Anonymous]

This is a criminal offense. It’s also violent. This needs to be addressed with a therapist. Required anger management training. No privileges whatsoever until damages repaid. She should be asked how she will make this up to you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Saturday, we took away our 17 year-old’s car and phone for a week because she’d been coming home late all week and ignoring calls. She threw a fit about it.

That night, my husband and I went out for Valentines and left her alone. When we came back? She had found the keys, smashed them, and then cracked her car window — two huge cracks. Completely solo. She knows she couldn’t leave due to cameras.

Afterward, she says she’s not a child and shouldn’t have had her phone or car taken away.

She’s grounded from the car, phone, and friends for a long time now,and will be made to get a job to pay for this. But, My husband I are furious and don’t know what else to do. What should we do?

She is not only a child, but a dependent - if she wants free use of a car and phone, she pays you for them in full, moves out, quits school.
Is this what she wants?

[Anonymous]

Is this the same teen who wouldn’t get out of the car for a school concert?

[Anonymous]

"She had found the keys, smashed them, and then cracked her car window — two huge cracks. Completely solo." She smashed her keys? How did she crack the car window?

Anyway...my son never did this but he was difficult to say the least. It's VERY EASY to say...take the car away. Take the phone away. No privileges, etc. etc. But when a kid is like this, you don't want to drive them even further away. You don't want you kid to HATE you. We tried family therapy and he REFUSED! Again, you can't make people do things. Sure you can threaten, but that drives a deeper wedge. In our case, our son went to individual counseling but somehow he got the therapist on his side. It's tough. This crap isn't easy. Soooo many of our friends SEEM to have these angel kids too to make it worse. But yes, no doubt you need to make your daughter pay for the window. I'm sure she even understands that. How long to take away the car...not really sure. Maybe until she starts respecting you better. Good luck! Sucks!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Seems to be a lot of stories about teens misbehaving lately. Working on a novel, OP?

Yeah, for real. Some troll?

+1

[Anonymous]

Whenever I see such posts, without mention of a diagnosis, I assume that parents have failed to get their child the full psychological evaluation they desperately need, and are responsible for the consequences of failing to care for a child with specific needs.

I have a lot more sympathy for posts that do detail diagnoses, treatment efforts, etc.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is a criminal offense. It’s also violent. This needs to be addressed with a therapist. Required anger management training. No privileges whatsoever until damages repaid. She should be asked how she will make this up to you.

+1

[Anonymous]

that she didn’t leave due to cameras indicates that she still feels tied to you, even if only financially. This is a good sign because so many 17 y.o.'s actually believe that they will live better on their own than in their comfy little houses in GT, Alexandria, or Potomac. OP, you still have control, she's not a lost cause, don't give up.

[Anonymous]

What did she use to smash the windows?

[Anonymous]

Therapy. But have DD go by herself, then you and DH go separately to discuss what is going on.

[Anonymous]

🙄 let me guess your son is the kid in the other thread that trashed his room because his phone was taken away. The trolls on this particular forum on DCUM have been out of control lately.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this the same teen who wouldn’t get out of the car for a school concert?

Or go to church?

[Anonymous]

Or a school PTC?