Location sharing with spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We share locations. On the occasion I can't get ahold of DH, I can see where he is. If that location was a hospital, I'd know something bad happened. However, I do not track him. I think I have used it a handful of times, when I was expecting him back already and he didn't respond.

Same with my kids.

to the poster who said she would not be okay with her teenage daughters boyfriend tracking her--neither would I. But teenage boyfriend is not the same as spouse and father of your kids, or your own child.

But why not? If to you that is healthy and you are modeling it in your own marriage - why wouldn't you want her to do the same in her teen relationship? If you believe that a healthy and important part of a trusting relationship is to keep track of each others whereabouts and to be sure you know that the other person is where they said they would be when they said they would be there and where they are heading and at what time they leave and what route they take and when they plan to arrive at whereever they are going - why wouldn't that also be important for your teens? If that is how trusting and caring people act to you, then wouldn't you want your teens boyfriend to also act in that same caring way?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its a really weird and immature reaction, kind of suspicious. But its fine to not want to be tracked, especially if your spouse wants to know how close you are to do quick errands for them. I think most people would not find those asks so innocent, its a bit controlling as you wouldn't know what they still have for work or other issues that they then need to notify you of all small things.
If its just used out of safety and not judged, questioned or used to justify demands, it would be ok. If spouse doesn't mind extra errand asks based on where partner sees your location, then that is great for you but not something all are comfortable with.

You think it’s not innocent to ask your spouse to pick up a couple groceries on the way home if you can see they have not left the office?

Not if they're the insistent type and cannot take an "I had a long day, too tired". We all know certain couples who have one overbearing partner. Sometimes one needs a break from being observed, although the overbearing relationships often track each other anyway.

Anyone can text with an errand request, you dont need location. People might be a minute from home but more likely to go on some days than 15 minutes away from home, next to the grocery, but too tired.

Your pretend problem has nothing to do with technology.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We share locations. On the occasion I can't get ahold of DH, I can see where he is. If that location was a hospital, I'd know something bad happened. However, I do not track him. I think I have used it a handful of times, when I was expecting him back already and he didn't respond.

Same with my kids.

to the poster who said she would not be okay with her teenage daughters boyfriend tracking her--neither would I. But teenage boyfriend is not the same as spouse and father of your kids, or your own child.

But why not? If to you that is healthy and you are modeling it in your own marriage - why wouldn't you want her to do the same in her teen relationship? If you believe that a healthy and important part of a trusting relationship is to keep track of each others whereabouts and to be sure you know that the other person is where they said they would be when they said they would be there and where they are heading and at what time they leave and what route they take and when they plan to arrive at whereever they are going - why wouldn't that also be important for your teens? If that is how trusting and caring people act to you, then wouldn't you want your teens boyfriend to also act in that same caring way?

Because a marriage between two adults is different than children dating? Are you for real here?

[Anonymous]

FWIW always thought sharing locations was odd. Implies to me something controlling about person requesting or trust issues. (Person who's never cheated or been cheated on that know of.)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we don't share, nor would I. We very occasioally turn it on if one of us will be alone in a remote place just for safety but otherwise no. I don't need to know where he is every single second and he doesn't need to know where I am. I have zero interest in tracking him and have zero interest in being tracked. I am someone that likes privacy and wouldn't be with someone who needed to be able to check on me 24/7 and know where I was at all times.

And if my teen daugher told me that her boyfriend wanted to track her and needed to know where she is at all times, I would not tell her oh that is so sweet and loving, he just clearly cares about you so much. I would tell her to run.

It's pretty sad that you relate adult marriages with teen flings. Beyond bizarre to consider those the same situation.

I don't associate it with any healthy relationship and it isn't something I would model for my teens or tell them would be healthy for them now or later. I don't think needing to track and know where your partner is at all times is healthy in any relationship at any age. Cell phones are definitely a convenience but the idea now that it means that you expect access to people at all times isn't a positive. I also tell them that they aren't required to answer every message immediately - that they do not need to be at anyone's beck and call. I personally think a lot of harm is done to relationships when we see cell phones as this tether and we track people and require them to answer within x minutes or else. But I get that for many, they like control and so they model and teach that for their kids.

Ah, the crux of your issue. You view your spouse having potential access to your location as "controlling". Found the cheater!

DP: Not sure that PP is a cheater, but PP does have fears of controling behavior, maybe trauma driven. It's odd to think you need to teach someone that they don't have to answer the phone or that they don't have to reply all the time or immediately -- I mean, duh? Most people don't actually view their phones as a tether that lets others control them, but that seems to be PP's default understanding. The use of "or else" is particularly telling -- what has PP experienced in life that causes such a statement to even seem like a real life possibility? People can be abusive, but that isn't the default position most people would take on phone ownership.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we don't share, nor would I. We very occasioally turn it on if one of us will be alone in a remote place just for safety but otherwise no. I don't need to know where he is every single second and he doesn't need to know where I am. I have zero interest in tracking him and have zero interest in being tracked. I am someone that likes privacy and wouldn't be with someone who needed to be able to check on me 24/7 and know where I was at all times.

And if my teen daugher told me that her boyfriend wanted to track her and needed to know where she is at all times, I would not tell her oh that is so sweet and loving, he just clearly cares about you so much. I would tell her to run.

It's pretty sad that you relate adult marriages with teen flings. Beyond bizarre to consider those the same situation.

I don't associate it with any healthy relationship and it isn't something I would model for my teens or tell them would be healthy for them now or later. I don't think needing to track and know where your partner is at all times is healthy in any relationship at any age. Cell phones are definitely a convenience but the idea now that it means that you expect access to people at all times isn't a positive. I also tell them that they aren't required to answer every message immediately - that they do not need to be at anyone's beck and call. I personally think a lot of harm is done to relationships when we see cell phones as this tether and we track people and require them to answer within x minutes or else. But I get that for many, they like control and so they model and teach that for their kids.

Ah, the crux of your issue. You view your spouse having potential access to your location as "controlling". Found the cheater!

Not a cheater at all. But yes I think that anyone who needs access to be able to track their partners whereabouts and movements at all times is controlling. We don't track our kids either. We believe in personal autonomy and independence and have zero interest in controlling behavior. I don't really care that I don't know that my husband left work at 6:03 and then turned left instead of his normal route turning right and that his car stopped for 3.5 minutes in a certain location where there is a pharmacy and that he then got home at 6:46 instead of the 6:41 that I would have expected based on the estimates given by the tracking information. I truly don't care. I am not going to quiz him on his route or why it took longer than google maps said it did and why he made a stop - people here are paranoid their spouses are cheating - that is why that information is so vital to them to have at their fingertips 24/7.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we don't share, nor would I. We very occasioally turn it on if one of us will be alone in a remote place just for safety but otherwise no. I don't need to know where he is every single second and he doesn't need to know where I am. I have zero interest in tracking him and have zero interest in being tracked. I am someone that likes privacy and wouldn't be with someone who needed to be able to check on me 24/7 and know where I was at all times.

And if my teen daugher told me that her boyfriend wanted to track her and needed to know where she is at all times, I would not tell her oh that is so sweet and loving, he just clearly cares about you so much. I would tell her to run.

It's pretty sad that you relate adult marriages with teen flings. Beyond bizarre to consider those the same situation.

I don't associate it with any healthy relationship and it isn't something I would model for my teens or tell them would be healthy for them now or later. I don't think needing to track and know where your partner is at all times is healthy in any relationship at any age. Cell phones are definitely a convenience but the idea now that it means that you expect access to people at all times isn't a positive. I also tell them that they aren't required to answer every message immediately - that they do not need to be at anyone's beck and call. I personally think a lot of harm is done to relationships when we see cell phones as this tether and we track people and require them to answer within x minutes or else. But I get that for many, they like control and so they model and teach that for their kids.

Ah, the crux of your issue. You view your spouse having potential access to your location as "controlling". Found the cheater!

Not a cheater at all. But yes I think that anyone who needs access to be able to track their partners whereabouts and movements at all times is controlling. We don't track our kids either. We believe in personal autonomy and independence and have zero interest in controlling behavior. I don't really care that I don't know that my husband left work at 6:03 and then turned left instead of his normal route turning right and that his car stopped for 3.5 minutes in a certain location where there is a pharmacy and that he then got home at 6:46 instead of the 6:41 that I would have expected based on the estimates given by the tracking information. I truly don't care. I am not going to quiz him on his route or why it took longer than google maps said it did and why he made a stop - people here are paranoid their spouses are cheating - that is why that information is so vital to them to have at their fingertips 24/7.

You sound really insecure. Perhaps therapy would help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW always thought sharing locations was odd. Implies to me something controlling about person requesting or trust issues. (Person who's never cheated or been cheated on that know of.)

This. I was married to someone who was diagnosed with Obsessive/Compusive behavior. I never want to be associated with someone with that behavior again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:FWIW always thought sharing locations was odd. Implies to me something controlling about person requesting or trust issues. (Person who's never cheated or been cheated on that know of.)

And yet for most people it isn't. It's just a normal, nonissue, nice to have option.

So what has happened in your life that makes you assume that it is an issue of 'control' for all who have it?

[Anonymous]

Our family of 4 (me, husband, 14, 17) all share locations with each other. It's helpful for pick ups and drop offs. I'm not constantly watching it but the information can be helpful at times.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:FWIW always thought sharing locations was odd. Implies to me something controlling about person requesting or trust issues. (Person who's never cheated or been cheated on that know of.)

This. I was married to someone who was diagnosed with Obsessive/Compusive behavior. I never want to be associated with someone with that behavior again.

You point to a problem of a mentally ill idividual's behavior that has traumatically impacted you.

That is not an issue with other people using the technology in a non abusive way.

[Anonymous]

My DH does not have an apple devise like the rest of the family but there are airtags tied to my apple ID in his car and backpack/luggage so the kids and I generally know where he is. He uses mine or the kid's ipads to check on us when we're not at home.

[Anonymous]

If you read the relationship forums here, on reddit, and other places - many people do use phones to track their partners and there are a lot of questions aboutwhat they see and is this 'suspicious' and should I confront etc.

And there are tons of posts about how I saw he/she read but didn't reply or was on social media but didn't answer my text. Or I know they aren't that busy at work but haven't answered me all afternoon.

People can pretend they aren't tracking their partners / spouses but the evidence online says otherwise.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we don't share, nor would I. We very occasioally turn it on if one of us will be alone in a remote place just for safety but otherwise no. I don't need to know where he is every single second and he doesn't need to know where I am. I have zero interest in tracking him and have zero interest in being tracked. I am someone that likes privacy and wouldn't be with someone who needed to be able to check on me 24/7 and know where I was at all times.

And if my teen daugher told me that her boyfriend wanted to track her and needed to know where she is at all times, I would not tell her oh that is so sweet and loving, he just clearly cares about you so much. I would tell her to run.

It's pretty sad that you relate adult marriages with teen flings. Beyond bizarre to consider those the same situation.

I don't associate it with any healthy relationship and it isn't something I would model for my teens or tell them would be healthy for them now or later. I don't think needing to track and know where your partner is at all times is healthy in any relationship at any age. Cell phones are definitely a convenience but the idea now that it means that you expect access to people at all times isn't a positive. I also tell them that they aren't required to answer every message immediately - that they do not need to be at anyone's beck and call. I personally think a lot of harm is done to relationships when we see cell phones as this tether and we track people and require them to answer within x minutes or else. But I get that for many, they like control and so they model and teach that for their kids.

Ah, the crux of your issue. You view your spouse having potential access to your location as "controlling". Found the cheater!

Not a cheater at all. But yes I think that anyone who needs access to be able to track their partners whereabouts and movements at all times is controlling. We don't track our kids either. We believe in personal autonomy and independence and have zero interest in controlling behavior. I don't really care that I don't know that my husband left work at 6:03 and then turned left instead of his normal route turning right and that his car stopped for 3.5 minutes in a certain location where there is a pharmacy and that he then got home at 6:46 instead of the 6:41 that I would have expected based on the estimates given by the tracking information. I truly don't care. I am not going to quiz him on his route or why it took longer than google maps said it did and why he made a stop - people here are paranoid their spouses are cheating - that is why that information is so vital to them to have at their fingertips 24/7.

Your take on what people actually use the technolocy for is bizarre.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I don't currently, nor does my husband with me. But if that was his reaction? I'd be going through is phone TODAY. That response is suspicious AF.

Op here. I did, didn’t find anything.