Location sharing with spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No we don't share, nor would I. We very occasioally turn it on if one of us will be alone in a remote place just for safety but otherwise no. I don't need to know where he is every single second and he doesn't need to know where I am. I have zero interest in tracking him and have zero interest in being tracked. I am someone that likes privacy and wouldn't be with someone who needed to be able to check on me 24/7 and know where I was at all times.

And if my teen daugher told me that her boyfriend wanted to track her and needed to know where she is at all times, I would not tell her oh that is so sweet and loving, he just clearly cares about you so much. I would tell her to run.

A creepy boyfriend is a problem in itself unrelated to spouses being able to locate each other.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We share locations. On the occasion I can't get ahold of DH, I can see where he is. If that location was a hospital, I'd know something bad happened. However, I do not track him. I think I have used it a handful of times, when I was expecting him back already and he didn't respond.

Same with my kids.

to the poster who said she would not be okay with her teenage daughters boyfriend tracking her--neither would I. But teenage boyfriend is not the same as spouse and father of your kids, or your own child.

The reality is teens, share their location with all their friends. So more than likely, your teenage daughter has a boy who knows her location.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know couples that location share for logistical purposes, and it seems to work well for them. Neither I or DH have every expressed interest in doing so with each other, but I don't think he's have a strong reaction if I were to suggest it. I just don't need someone knowing where I am at every moment of my life. I'm not doing anything shady, I just enjoy autonomy.

Autonomy is about having control over your own behavior and actions without coercive external manipulation. Your autonomy is not changed by letting someone check where you are if they need to. Simply being aware of your location is not controling you. If it were used for a manipulative purpose or to control your behavior in some way, then you have problems in the relationship unrelated to one's ability to know where you are. Fear of location tracking should be viewed as a symptom of another problem in the relationship.

All of this.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He’s cheating.

You can go in his phone and see his most visited locations to see what the shady place is that he’s going to.

Normal people just share their location. It’s not a big deal.

People with something to hide do not share their location and are shady.

My son’s share locations with each other and we got one of those weird spam was in college saying that he was in jail and that we needed to send money and my younger son just looked up his location. I could see he was in his apartment.

My mom got one of those and called my brother's wife -- he was traveling in a sketchy place, as my mom knew which is the only reason the call was given any level of attention, but SIL could see where he actually was in real time, and it wasn't where the scammer claimed. Useful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we don't share, nor would I. We very occasioally turn it on if one of us will be alone in a remote place just for safety but otherwise no. I don't need to know where he is every single second and he doesn't need to know where I am. I have zero interest in tracking him and have zero interest in being tracked. I am someone that likes privacy and wouldn't be with someone who needed to be able to check on me 24/7 and know where I was at all times.

And if my teen daugher told me that her boyfriend wanted to track her and needed to know where she is at all times, I would not tell her oh that is so sweet and loving, he just clearly cares about you so much. I would tell her to run.

It's pretty sad that you relate adult marriages with teen flings. Beyond bizarre to consider those the same situation.

I don't associate it with any healthy relationship and it isn't something I would model for my teens or tell them would be healthy for them now or later. I don't think needing to track and know where your partner is at all times is healthy in any relationship at any age. Cell phones are definitely a convenience but the idea now that it means that you expect access to people at all times isn't a positive. I also tell them that they aren't required to answer every message immediately - that they do not need to be at anyone's beck and call. I personally think a lot of harm is done to relationships when we see cell phones as this tether and we track people and require them to answer within x minutes or else. But I get that for many, they like control and so they model and teach that for their kids.

[Anonymous]

Your man may be creeping around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Its a really weird and immature reaction, kind of suspicious. But its fine to not want to be tracked, especially if your spouse wants to know how close you are to do quick errands for them. I think most people would not find those asks so innocent, its a bit controlling as you wouldn't know what they still have for work or other issues that they then need to notify you of all small things.
If its just used out of safety and not judged, questioned or used to justify demands, it would be ok. If spouse doesn't mind extra errand asks based on where partner sees your location, then that is great for you but not something all are comfortable with.

You think it’s not innocent to ask your spouse to pick up a couple groceries on the way home if you can see they have not left the office?

Not if they're the insistent type and cannot take an "I had a long day, too tired". We all know certain couples who have one overbearing partner. Sometimes one needs a break from being observed, although the overbearing relationships often track each other anyway.

Anyone can text with an errand request, you dont need location. People might be a minute from home but more likely to go on some days than 15 minutes away from home, next to the grocery, but too tired.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know couples that location share for logistical purposes, and it seems to work well for them. Neither I or DH have every expressed interest in doing so with each other, but I don't think he's have a strong reaction if I were to suggest it. I just don't need someone knowing where I am at every moment of my life. I'm not doing anything shady, I just enjoy autonomy.

Autonomy is about having control over your own behavior and actions without coercive external manipulation. Your autonomy is not changed by letting someone check where you are if they need to. Simply being aware of your location is not controling you. If it were used for a manipulative purpose or to control your behavior in some way, then you have problems in the relationship unrelated to one's ability to know where you are. Fear of location tracking should be viewed as a symptom of another problem in the relationship.

To each their own. To me, tracking the location of others is a symptom of another problem in the relationship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:No we don't share, nor would I. We very occasioally turn it on if one of us will be alone in a remote place just for safety but otherwise no. I don't need to know where he is every single second and he doesn't need to know where I am. I have zero interest in tracking him and have zero interest in being tracked. I am someone that likes privacy and wouldn't be with someone who needed to be able to check on me 24/7 and know where I was at all times.

And if my teen daugher told me that her boyfriend wanted to track her and needed to know where she is at all times, I would not tell her oh that is so sweet and loving, he just clearly cares about you so much. I would tell her to run.

You realize that just because you have tracking on does not mean you actually have to know where he is every single second, right? You can check it rarely, but it's there if you need it.

Again, the behavior of someone who would be constantly checking is problem behavior unrelated to the abiltiy to check when needed. That is an underlying relationship problem, not a technology problem. If tech brings that problem to light, good! Now you know and can work on your actual problems.

[Anonymous]

I have turned it on when traveling, but otherwise turn it off. I don't cheat, I don't stay out late, but I don't like the idea of people (even my spouse) tracking my location 24/7.

[Anonymous]

I mean, share, don't share, whatever, but it's just as simple to say "if you can, please pick up X" without needing to check location first. It just rings hollow to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I know couples that location share for logistical purposes, and it seems to work well for them. Neither I or DH have every expressed interest in doing so with each other, but I don't think he's have a strong reaction if I were to suggest it. I just don't need someone knowing where I am at every moment of my life. I'm not doing anything shady, I just enjoy autonomy.

Autonomy is about having control over your own behavior and actions without coercive external manipulation. Your autonomy is not changed by letting someone check where you are if they need to. Simply being aware of your location is not controling you. If it were used for a manipulative purpose or to control your behavior in some way, then you have problems in the relationship unrelated to one's ability to know where you are. Fear of location tracking should be viewed as a symptom of another problem in the relationship.

To each their own. To me, tracking the location of others is a symptom of another problem in the relationship.

What problem are you imagining? Are you perhaps projecting your own fear of this onto others who are not experiencing it? Do you distrust the posters who have expressed their innocuous uses of the technology as if it is impossible for them to be genuine?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:No we don't share, nor would I. We very occasioally turn it on if one of us will be alone in a remote place just for safety but otherwise no. I don't need to know where he is every single second and he doesn't need to know where I am. I have zero interest in tracking him and have zero interest in being tracked. I am someone that likes privacy and wouldn't be with someone who needed to be able to check on me 24/7 and know where I was at all times.

And if my teen daugher told me that her boyfriend wanted to track her and needed to know where she is at all times, I would not tell her oh that is so sweet and loving, he just clearly cares about you so much. I would tell her to run.

It's pretty sad that you relate adult marriages with teen flings. Beyond bizarre to consider those the same situation.

I don't associate it with any healthy relationship and it isn't something I would model for my teens or tell them would be healthy for them now or later. I don't think needing to track and know where your partner is at all times is healthy in any relationship at any age. Cell phones are definitely a convenience but the idea now that it means that you expect access to people at all times isn't a positive. I also tell them that they aren't required to answer every message immediately - that they do not need to be at anyone's beck and call. I personally think a lot of harm is done to relationships when we see cell phones as this tether and we track people and require them to answer within x minutes or else. But I get that for many, they like control and so they model and teach that for their kids.

Ah, the crux of your issue. You view your spouse having potential access to your location as "controlling". Found the cheater!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have turned it on when traveling, but otherwise turn it off. I don't cheat, I don't stay out late, but I don't like the idea of people (even my spouse) tracking my location 24/7.

What makes you think he would actually track you 24/7?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I know couples that location share for logistical purposes, and it seems to work well for them. Neither I or DH have every expressed interest in doing so with each other, but I don't think he's have a strong reaction if I were to suggest it. I just don't need someone knowing where I am at every moment of my life. I'm not doing anything shady, I just enjoy autonomy.

This. I drop by Baskin-Robbins a little more often than I would like anyone to know. It's okay to want to keep a bit of privacy.