In-laws want to go see ds in college

[Anonymous]

No

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I doubt it's about the expense. They probably don't feel comfortable doing this without you as a support person. Or they don't think they can get from train to college because they don't want to drive a rental car in an unfamiliar area.

So much of seniors' demands is them trying to work around their inability and people not wanting to see it for what it is.

They're very autonomous in all other ways: both work, both are very active and walk miles every day, go out constantly with friends. I get that the driving is really intimidating at their age and I'd never demand they drive that far, but they are demanding it from us and I don't think that's fair either. And yes, i am scared to say no because they will be pissed off.

What’s wrong with letting your husband handle it? It’s his parents, he can say yes or no. You can chill at home.

No, he doesn't want to go alone with them. I also do think ds would think it's weird if I don't go. It would have to be during a weekend.

Your husband can suck it up, or he can be the one to tell them no. If they're unhappy they can discuss it with the son they raised.

Stop people-pleasing! Your DS can also learn to deal. It's not weird.

I've trained by inlaws to go to DH, not me. He has to man up and decide if he wants to meet their demands or tell them no. It's not my relationship to manage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You are not willing to spend one weekend to keep the peach in the house?

OP, sounds like this pp is offering to drive them! Since keeping the peach is so important to them, they must be willing to do the 14h drive!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you and DH always have to do stuff together? Is there a reason he can't do this alone. I'm confused.

We do things alone all the time. He just does not want to spend the whole weekend alone with his parents.

So why are you on here wringing your hands about this? There’s your answer. He doesn’t want to. He can say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Would they be able to handle the flight, and two hour drive by themselves? I can understand them wanting to visit their grandson in his college town. I plan on taking my mother to see my son for her 81st birthday next month which will involve me driving two hours to pick her up, then driving two hours to the college town, and reverse on the way back, with me planning and paying for hotel, meals, etc.

I have fond memories of my grandparents who made surprise visits from 2.5 hours away to my college town a number of times.

Flights would be very expensive. They do not want to spend a lot of money. They think the train is too expensive too so mil said she wants us to drive her. Meanwhile that requires us staying over as well and spending for that as well, and possibly their hotel room too, and meals. It's just very awkward spending this much time with them, and the whole money aspect tbh really irritates me because they are very selfish when it comes to family but have zero issue spending when with friends. If it were a two hour trip it'd be fine and just a day trip but this is a lot to contemplate doing just to humor them.

Say no. You’re a ridiculous martyr if you take this on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why are you inserting yourself into their decision making? It’s between them, their son and their grandson. Extract yourself from it. If their son and grandson want to spend time with them, then their son can drive together with them and make a family outing of it.

+1. I like my MIL, and this is still the kind of thing that I would say to my husband “I’m not up for the trip but if you want to take your mom, that’s great. Let’s figure out the best weekend and see if she can match that.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Do you and DH always have to do stuff together? Is there a reason he can't do this alone. I'm confused.

We do things alone all the time. He just does not want to spend the whole weekend alone with his parents.

So why are you on here wringing your hands about this? There’s your answer. He doesn’t want to. He can say no.

So your husband is unable to say no and wants you to be the bad guy? Nope.

[Anonymous]

You asked how would I deal with this? I would tell DH to deal with his parents.
Personally I would want no part of it.

[Anonymous]

Have they paid for any of it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Have they paid for any of it?

You mean college? No, they have never paid for anything in our lives. We have had to help them out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I mean, I would start with asking if DS wants this? The answer is probably no, but on the off chance it's yes, I would try to accommodate. If no, then just say you're not planning to visit him but they can see him when he comes up.

This. I would not have wanted my grandparents to visit for a whole weekend in college. Ask DC if he even wants a visit. He will probably say no.

“Larlo is taking a tough course load this severe and cannot handle a visit. Let’s get together this summer.” I would ask DH to deliver this news.

[Anonymous]

“Our next trip to Collegetown will be in April. We’d be happy to have you join then! If you want to go sooner, our favorite hotel in the area is the College Inn on River Road. You should also go to Ristrint Restaurant! If you go on your own, enjoy, we’d love to see pictures!”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have they paid for any of it?

You mean college? No, they have never paid for anything in our lives. We have had to help them out.

Why is it that people think their parents should pay for their children?

[Anonymous]

This is a decision your DH needs to make and communicate. You can decide to come as a favor to your DH if you desire. Otherwise, not your circus, not your monkeys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Have they paid for any of it?

You mean college? No, they have never paid for anything in our lives. We have had to help them out.

Why is it that people think their parents should pay for their children?

I don't think that, someone asked and I answered their question. Many here do have college paid for by grandparents and I'm sure that's why they asked, probably because then it would make sense we'd owe them the college visit. But no.